By Alyssa Richards
You may have seen the billboards, T-shirts, or plaques plastered to the walls in Southern homes that read, “Y’all need Jesus.” Now, after learning about “The Work”, I hang a figurative plaque in my mind that reads, “Y’all need ‘The Work’.” Did I just compare it to Jesus? Eh, don’t read into it…
The Work, by Byron Katie, has been my every day, easy-to-use, researched-based technique, that instantly replaces my pain with peace, even laughter! The Work supports many aspects of human flourishing as it directly relates to mindfulness and can increase levels of savoring and compassion.
So, What is The Work?
It’s four questions! Backed by cognitive neuroscience research, The Work helps improve your mental health through a process of inquiry. This process has been described as the “best form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” (D. Wise, R. Anderson, 2008). It all began in 1986, when Byron Katie, an American Author and teacher, experienced a period of enlightenment after a series of tragic events in her life. At the end of her rope, Katie’s individual revelation led her to an amazing discovery: how suffering is created and ended. Since then, The Work has been used in clinics, schools, universities, churches, prisons, and hospitals for many years, transforming the lives of thousands seeking increased well-being.
It’s easy to start. Whenever you feel pain, identify the judgment or thought inside your head. Then, take that thought, and ask four questions. Ready to discover what thoughts are running your life?
Let’s try it out
All the stress you are feeling is created when you try to argue with reality. In Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is, she invites us to agree with reality. Sound trivial? Well, how many times do you have the following arguments with yourself: “I’m always late. I’m responsible for my kids choices, happiness, future, etc. This teacher doesn’t care about our future. My spouse needs to stop judging me. This person should find a new job. The government should be united. My neighbor shouldn’t run his sprinklers during the day. They think I’m so dumb. Why is there so much traffic in Provo?!” Pretty obvious that last one is from me. Okay, lets see this play out:
Example from my life.. There shouldn’t be so much Traffic!
Is it true?” Yeah! There shouldn’t! Nobody can get anywhere!
Can I absolutely know that’s true? No. I can’t be the one to say that other people shouldn’t leave their homes. Also, it’s pretty funny to think that I am believing “nobody can get anywhere,” when people surely get places.
How do I feel when I believe this thought? Exhausted, angry, entitled, frustrated. Or, like I’m going to run over every stupid college student who crosses another street. *hides face* So I guess violent? Wow I didn’t realize that one.
Who would I be without the thought? I don’t know; I can’t imagine enjoying traffic. Now wait, try imagining life if your brain couldn’t physically think that thought? It takes some effort. I would be a calm driver? Wow, imagine that. I would be more mindful, open, or interested in my surroundings. I would be more grateful for my car, the roads, and even a chance to decompress.
Example from Loving What Is… My spouse should watch less TV.
Is that true? Well yes, he just sits there all day. He should get up and be productive.
Can I absolutely know that it’s true? Can I answer for another person? Can I say reality shouldn’t be what it is? Well, no, but it’s true he shouldn’t do that. Well, is he continuing to watch TV? Yes, he is. If I seek what’s true, then it’s not a question of what should or should not. It is a question about what is and is not. He is, so there is the truth. So wait, he should watch TV? If he is, then he is! That’s what is true.
How does it feel when I believe that thought? I stare at him like I want to smack him upside the head. I feel a tightness in my chest, burning in my eyes, and exhaustion.
Who would I be without the thought? I wouldn’t have any standards! I wouldn’t care about my husband!* Okay, what’s the turnarounds?
*if this is your response. Skip to the “turn around” and then come back to this question.
Turn it around!
Turning the statement around helps you find the truth. That is what we are here for. Turn your first original statement toward yourself or upside down. My siblings need to show up to the family party to support our parents. - - - > I need to show up to the family party to support my parents. Doesn’t that sound more true? Another example: I hate my body, it is ugly. - - - > I love my body, it is beautiful. Now isn’t that more true? Try coming up with genuine reasons why you believe the turn around.
Now let’s get back to our example about the couple and the TV.
Turn it around: My spouse should watch less TV. - - - > I should watch less TV. But wait, I don’t! Why is that? Because I don’t think TV is important. There it is. Isn’t that more true? You said: “I think he should care less about TV” because you are the one that doesn’t care about it.
o Byron Katie said, “If you are in your business, but I am worrying about how you are doing your business, then who is living in my business? Nobody! Next time you feel stressed, ask yourself whose business you are in, and you may burst out laughing.”
Who would you be without the thought? I would be free of the feeling that I am better than him. Without being chained to that story: “my husband needs me to change him”, I would be free to love him more deeply.
Worksheet
Don’t believe me? Test it! Below are links to the worksheets to fill out digitally or on paper! Or you can keep your own journal on The Work App.
Judge your neighbor worksheet for adults, teens, or kids.
Tips from Byron Katie:
“When we don’t argue with reality, action becomes simpler, fluid, kind, and fearless.”
“We all want to change the world to make us happy, this hasn’t worked. Let us change ourselves, to make us happy.”
“This is the end of suffering and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.”
Professional Testimonials
“When it comes to my mental and emotional health, Bryon Katie’s “Loving What Is” taught me the single most powerful truth I’ve ever come across. That truth is this: my thoughts are the source of my suffering. That’s it! Ultimately, the amount of suffering versus joy I experience, is directly attached to my willingness to question my thoughts.” – Camille Bailey Aagard, J.D.
“Byron Katie’s, The Work gives me the concrete steps to process distorted thoughts that lead to negative behaviors. It gives me a place for compassion for those around me.” – Jana Richards, M.Ed
“The Work from Byron Katie has helped me respond to the challenge of parenting. Difficult conversations go far better without the negative stories and judgments that affect how you conduct yourself.” – Susan Stiffelman, MFT
I hold The Work by Byron Katie as one of the principal foundations of my counselling method to help clients questions their thinking so they can feel good about the way they deal with the challenges of life. – Sherry Scheideman, MA, Clinical Counsellor