My Best Self 101 Blog
A few minutes on Instagram can change how you feel about your life.
You finish a tough assignment, pick up your phone, and see somebody landed an interview you wanted. A minute ago, you felt accomplished. What changed?
In life, it sometimes seems like everybody has news to share. Nothing in our lives actually changed; we just learned something about somebody else's. Why does that affect us so much?
Last August, my family and I went to Bryce Canyon National Park for a short summer trip. Coming from a tropical country where our key tourist destinations were white-sand beaches, I was thrilled and amazed to witness the beauty of these unique rock formations.
As the sun rose, its light reflected on the rock formations, showing beautiful shades of red and orange. It was magical! I came to learn that those rock formations we see in Bryce Canyon are called hoodoos. They are tall, thin spires of rock formed by millions of years of erosion.
My heart is racing. What if I mess up? What if I’m not good enough? My mind is filled with endless thoughts. I have so much to do, yet I can’t seem to get anything done.
I’ve experienced moments like this countless times. Whenever an important event approaches, I become increasingly anxious. The meeting itself might last only an hour, but I spent hours beforehand worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet. But what if I can’t change the meeting, yet I can change how I spend the hours leading up to it?
I bought a car. I got promoted. I married the love of my life. I started psychotherapy and switched therapists. I got a cat. I suffered a bad ear infection.
In all the things—the mundane and the extraordinary—I missed my brother. He wasn’t in the passenger seat with me in my new corolla, singing like nobody was listening. He never called and congratulated me on my new position at work. There was an empty chair for him at my wedding, one covered in yellow roses for him, but that no amount of beauty could fill. My ear hurt more from not hearing his voice than from the bacteria inflaming it.
Recently, as I sat under the marvelous tree behind my apartment, I thought about its full, summer emerald leaves, now matured into vibrant crimson reds. These leaves were once buds in spring, working as self-sufficient producers in summer and quietly shifting into vibrant arrays of ruby in autumn. I pondered the seasons of my own life as the tree behind my house entered its own preparation for change, with those beautiful leaves preparing for winter by falling to the ground. What might the life cycle of a leaf help us notice about our own relationship with change?
To say my freshman year of college was rough is an understatement. A mix of—too many things to share in a blog post—made adapting to daily living and completing assignments difficult. I was so exhausted following that first year, that I only lasted three days of sophomore year before dropping out. So, I left college. And, it was arguably one of the best things to ever happen to me.
You’ve probably heard the saying (or some variation of it), “the only thing constant in life is change.” The older I get, the more I encounter the truth – and the occasional mixed bag of feelings – that these words hold. Change is constant, and life is constantly changing, but my natural tendency is to resist and feel a general sense of anxiety when inevitable changes occur. And I am probably not alone in this. Zen master and teacher Thich Nhat Hanh (2012) speaks to this tendency toward discomfort and resistance, explaining that we humans often come from the mindset that things are supposed to stay the same. However, he points out that when we resist change rather than accept it, we bring about added suffering. The antidote? Instead of resisting change, lean into it, embrace it.
Have you ever witnessed someone, even a stranger, having a difficult time and felt as though you should help them in some way? Our website defines this feeling as compassion; in other words, it is “the emotional experience of seeing another's suffering and being moved to try to alleviate that suffering.” Unfortunately, we do not need to look far to find human suffering. At the same time, there are many profound examples in the world of how another’s compassion can meet this suffering.
What is creativity? The American Psychological Association defines creativity as “the ability to produce or develop original work, theories, techniques, or thoughts” (APA Dictionary of Psychology, n.d., para. 1). Like me, you may have favorite creations that others have made, such as a piece of music or a painting. It may seem natural to applaud new discoveries or beautiful works of art creative people have made, because they benefit us or enrich our lives in some way. My grandfather was one of the most creative people I knew. He seemed to be able to make just about anything with his hands, whether it was a welded music stand, a wooden jewelry container, a silly face carved out of a golf ball, or a thoughtful note written in calligraphy. My grandfather’s creations brought wonder and joy into my life, and he gave many of these creations away to me and other family members as personalized gifts. This is just one example of how the creativity of one person can influence another for good.
