My Best Self 101 Blog
Please join me on a quick imaginative journey. You are enjoying a sunny day on the beach and decide to go for a swim. As you head to the ocean, you don’t quite make it around the piece of driftwood in your path and end up getting cut. Instead of taking the time to clean and put a band-aid on the cut you get angry and rub sand into the cut, making it worse. Now, you may be thinking, “Why would I do that? That is just going to hurt me further? Why not help myself instead?”
What comes to mind when you think of fall? Maybe it's the crisp autumn air, with gentle gusts of wind tussling your hair and tickling your nose. Or perhaps it's the scents of pumpkin spice and apple cinnamon floating around in homes and shops. You might consider pumpkin patches, corn mazes, and laughter as kids run around in costumes collecting candy. There may be memories of cinnamon rolls, pie, and Thanksgiving around a table with friends and family.
There was a man who lived alone in the desert. Why, you may ask, did this man come to live alone in the desert? It was a conscious decision he made himself, led on by his growing impatience with silly quarrels, betrayals of friends, and bickering that inevitably came along with people. Wishing to escape society, he packed up his belongings and everything he owned to venture into the vast arid desert.
Everyone knows that feeling all too well. The “mmm hmmm” without even a glance up. The “just a second -let me respond to this text”, right as we’re about to hit the climax of the story we’re sharing. The family gathered around a table with not one looking up from their device. There is nothing that kills social connection quite so aptly as untimely mobile device usage. In fact, this issue is so universal that psychologists have actually given it an official term– “phubbing”. Phubbing, or ignoring ones partner or those who are physically present in order to pay attention to ones phone. Researchers studying “phubbing” have found that this phone-snubbing can greatly harm social interactions, decrease trust, reduce relationship satisfaction, and can increase feelings of neglect and emotional distress
Beep… beep… beep! Cracking my eyes open, I turn to my side and shut my alarm off. Half asleep with three brain cells working, I somehow find the motivation to sit up and get out of bed. Slowly waking up, I get ready for the day, eat a quick breakfast, and dash off to school. I sit in class, take notes, talk to some classmates, and repeat the process for a few hours. Then my glorious lunch break occurs, where I get a full 45 minutes to eat and get caught up on some more work. Finally, I finish my day by working on tedious assignments and projects, exercising (on a really good day), eating some dinner, and then doing more work until I go to bed and repeat the process the next day.
Staring at the dark ceiling again, I cringe at the uneven snore escaping from the relaxed form next to me. My young children describe the sound as a bear, I just call it unbearable. I have studied sleep cycles. I know how crucial sleep is. I know first hand the effects of its deprivation. Knowing I’m missing its protective, healing, and consolidating benefits doesn’t help. Nudging the peaceful partner next to me doesn’t help. Shaking him doesn’t even help. Where did he get this superhuman sleeping power from, and why can’t I have it too? None of these thoughts help either. Frustration, deep fatigue, desperation, and pity all begin to take root inside of me. “Please, please just let me sleep,” I cry.
Have you ever walked from your parked car to the building where you work, take classes, or buy groceries without noticing the world around you? All too often, I walk on autopilot. Later, I realize that I was not aware of the beauty of the clouds in the sky, a tender blade of grass growing between the cracks in the sidewalk, or a golden tree covered in fall leaves. Too often, we miss the beauties of the natural world because we do not think to pay attention to them. Choosing to be aware of the wonders around us whenever we go outside enables us to have a deeper connection with the natural world
Three young monkeys lived in the jungle. After counseling with a wise old teacher, one committed to hear no evil, one to see no evil and one to speak no evil. The monkeys set out on their noble endeavor, but soon became disheartened because their jungle friends didn’t want to be around them anymore and the monkeys were sad and lonely. So, they returned to the wise one for help. “Tell me more about how you are protecting yourself and others from evil,” the wise one asked. The monkeys proudly explained that the one who heard no evil would cover his ears whenever another said something he thought was wrong. The one who saw no evil would close his eyes to others’ perspectives when they clashed with his sense of goodness. And the one who spoke no evil closed his heart and met others with silence in conflict so nothing bad would enter or escape him. “Ah,” said the wise one, “I see. You mistake evil for difference.”
In an age where casual flirting, situationships, and the phrase “I just don’t feel like we need to label ourselves” are becoming more common, there comes a point when it is necessary to DTR (define the relationship). Clarifying expectations and desires can allow a budding relationship to move to the next level—or break off if it’s not going anywhere. However, many of us have yet to effectively DTR with one of our most important and impactful relationships: our relationship with time. It’s no secret that time management issues are prevalent in our society today. Ever-increasing to-do lists combined with the sense that time is passing by faster than we can keep up are often a major source of stress and burnout. Add to that the constant pull of distractions, procrastination, and misplaced priorities… you get the idea. While it is difficult to know how to combat these struggles, author and journalist Oliver Burkeman believes that he has a solution, one that can reduce anxiety and promote feelings of contentment, purpose, and relief. In his book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, he describes a new way to approach time and offers insights that are worth exploring. According to Burkeman, effectively defining our relationship with time begins with adjusting our expectations.
When you go to the beach do you hear the ebb and flow of the ocean, see the sun reflecting off the swells, and the bubbly tide lapping at your feet? Or do you notice the sand getting in your shoes, the chaos of the waves churning and crashing, and the smell of seaweed and bird poop filling your nose? Both of them are there all the time, but what you decide to focus on will greatly affect your experience at the beach. Now say you are in the ocean, being tossed and turned by the waves, tumbled, unable to catch up to your friends swimming ahead of you. Where would your focus be then? There are many options: the frustration, exhaustion, and loneliness you feel, or recognition of your body’s ability to swim, the nice temperature of the water, and that you have friends to enjoy this day with. Where your attention is makes all the difference.
