By Mikaela Ahlstrom
“The more you practice tolerating discomfort, the more confidence you’ll gain in your ability to accept new challenges”
“It’s too hot today,” I thought to myself as I walked out the front door and got into my car. The summer sun shone brightly overhead, while the air conditioning in my house struggled to maintain a comfortable temperature indoors. A few minutes later, I found myself kneeling on my yoga mat, waiting for the hot yoga class that I regularly attended to begin. The thermostat was set to about 100°F, designed to provide an environment conducive to deeper stretching and better detoxification—two of the benefits that I valued in my yoga practice.
Although little beads of sweat quickly formed on my skin, I didn’t mind. I knew that the heat would make it easier to flow through the poses and loosen up my tight muscles. Suddenly, I was struck with the realization that I had been complaining about being too hot just moments ago. Why was I bothered by the high temperature at home when I embraced it during my yoga class?
In their book, The Upside of Your Dark Side, psychologists Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener (2014) describe what they call the “comfortable class.” With the increasing prosperity of the United States and other Western nations, there has been a growing desire for a convenient, easy life. In fact, Kashdan and Biswas-Diener note one study in which participants were asked to identify the factors that contribute to a good life. The average working adult was more likely to value ease over effort, reflecting a preference for a relaxing, stress-free existence (Kashdan & Biswas-Diener, 2014; Scollon & King, 2004).
While the desire for comfort is understandable, an excessive focus on comfort may pose certain challenges. Dr. Steven Hayes and his colleagues were among the first to propose that an unwillingness to confront challenging internal experiences, such as thoughts and feelings, can drive individuals to actively avoid such experiences and the situations that could trigger them (Hayes et al., 1996). Subsequent research has demonstrated that this tendency, termed experiential avoidance, is associated with conditions like depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD (Akbari et al., 2022). College students who engage in experiential avoidance are more prone to procrastination (Glick et al., 2014), and problem behaviors such as self-harm and substance abuse are also more likely to occur (Kingston et al., 2010). The take-home message is this: although avoiding discomfort can bring momentary relief, it can ultimately be counterproductive in the long run.
So, what’s the solution? Learn to embrace healthy discomfort. This concept is a central component of psychological flexibility, or the willingness to be present with one’s internal experiences, both positive and negative, as an individual takes steps toward what they value most (Hayes et al., 2011). Reflecting on my experience at yoga, I welcomed the otherwise uncomfortable heat in the room because it brought me closer to what I valued—enhanced flexibility, a more satisfying workout, and improved overall health. On the other hand, enduring the warm temperature in my house just felt frustrating because it didn’t seem to benefit me in any way. Note that my external circumstance—feeling hot—was the same in both situations. What made the difference was how I viewed that circumstance—my attitude toward it.
The truth is, discomfort can be really good for us. Think about the achievements for which you feel most proud. Chances are, you had to overcome some sort of obstacle that tested your abilities. If you got a good grade on a test, you likely had to spend some time studying for it. If you successfully ran your first half-marathon, you probably trained for a few months leading up to the event. Facing uncomfortable challenges is an integral part of the path to personal growth.
But what if we could adopt an even more constructive view of discomfort? What if, instead of considering it a sort of necessary evil on the path to success, we could learn to appreciate discomfort itself? What if we didn’t have to postpone satisfaction until after achieving our goals?
In one fascinating study, researchers Kaitlin Woolley and Ayelet Fishbach (2022) explored whether actively seeking discomfort could serve as motivation for participating in and finding fulfillment from challenging experiences. They conducted five experiments in which participants were asked to take an improv class, write about an emotional personal experience, learn about a health crisis, listen to opposing political ideologies, or read about the issue of gun violence. These researchers discovered that when participants were told to purposefully seek discomfort (e.g., “Your primary goal during this [task] is to feel awkward and uncomfortable”), they not only engaged more with the activities but also perceived greater improvement compared to those who were simply instructed to enhance their skills, complete the task, or learn something new (Woolley & Fishbach, 2022).
The implications of this study are striking: experiencing discomfort can itself be a rewarding aspect of engaging in challenging tasks because discomfort serves as a signal of personal growth. Think about what happens after a strenuous workout at the gym—your muscles may not appear any bigger, but when you wake up sore the next morning, you know that your workout was effective.
Hopefully, you are beginning to see the benefits of seeking discomfort. While recognizing these benefits, it’s important to acknowledge that discomfort is still, well, uncomfortable. Here are some strategies for engaging with discomfort more productively:
Learn to be present with difficult emotions. They are a natural part of life, and avoiding them can have serious consequences. This guided medication may be helpful.
Reorient yourself to your values. Reflect on what is most important to you and consider how enduring discomfort might help you align with your values. You can also visit our Values Module for more information and resources.
Develop self-compassion. Discomfort is often a sign that we have personal weaknesses to overcome. In those situations, it can be easy to become self-critical. Choosing to accept our flaws while working to improve can make that process easier.
Before you go, take a moment to consider if there are any circumstances in your life right now that are causing frustration or discomfort. How might you be able to adopt a more productive mindset and attitude? Are you willing to face some discomfort if it propels you toward becoming the person you aspire to be? Similar to my experience of learning to "embrace the heat" during yoga, you too can reap the benefits of facing and overcoming obstacles in your life. It might not always be easy, but the ultimate reward will make it well worth the effort.
“Our whole life is set up in the path of least resistance. We don’t want to suffer. We don’t want to feel discomfort. So the whole time, we’re living our lives in a very comfortable area. There’s no growth in that”
References
Akbari, M., Seydavi, M., Hosseini, Z. S., Krafft, J., & Levin, M. E. (2022). Experiential avoidance in depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive related, and posttraumatic stress disorders: A comprehensive systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 24, 65–78. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2022.03.007
Glick, D. M., Millstein, D. J., & Orsillo, S. M. (2014). A preliminary investigation of the role of psychological inflexibility in academic procrastination. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 3(2), 81–88. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2014.04.002
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2011). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. Guilford Publications.
Hayes, S. C., Wilson, K. G., Gifford, E. V., Follette, V. M., & Strosahl, K. (2016). Experiential avoidance and behavioral disorders: A functional dimensional approach to diagnosis and treatment. In S. C. Hayes (Ed.), The act in context: The canonical papers of Steven C. Hayes. (pp. 171–203). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Kashdan, T., & Biswas-Deiner, R. (2014). The upside of your dark side: Why being your whole self–not just your good self–drives success and fulfillment. Hudson Street Press.
Kingston, J., Clarke, S., & Remington, B. (2010). Experiential avoidance and problem behavior: A mediational analysis. Behavior Modification, 34(2), 145–163. https://doi.org/10.1177/0145445510362575
Scollon, C. N., & King, L. A. (2004). Is the Good Life the Easy Life? Social Indicators Research, 68(2), 127–162. https://doi.org/10.1023/B:SOCI.0000025590.44950.d1
Woolley, K., & Fishbach, A. (2022). Motivating personal growth by seeking discomfort. Psychological Science, 33(4), 510–523. https://doi.org/10.1177/09567976211044685