Wherever You Are, Be There

The human brain is wired to seek out novelty, stimulation, and opportunity. Just under the surface of our normal awareness, the mind is continually evaluating what’s happening and asking “Is this interesting? Could this be good for me?” If what’s happening now is judged to be uninteresting or not rewarding enough, the mind quickly looks for something better.

This default tendency to look for something better isn’t inherently a bad thing; it helped our ancestors stay alive, and contributed to the evolution and achievements of our species. However, there’s a risk that this tendency to habitually look beyond the present moment can cause us to miss out on valuable experiences.

First I was dying to finish high school and start college.

And then I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work.

And then I was dying to retire.

And now, I am dying...

And suddenly realize I forgot to live.

- Anonymous -

Similarly, we can miss out on present-moment opportunities when we spend too much time ruminating on the past. Sometimes it’s pleasurable to reminisce about past events, or helpful to reflect on an experience to learn from it. However, it’s easy to get lost rehashing past experiences, and we may not notice when we’re stuck in a counterproductive spiral of rumination (e.g., “Why did I say that? Did I make a fool of myself? I wonder if I just blew that job interview?”).

By getting better at noticing the mind’s tendency to get lost in the future or the past, we create more opportunities to fully experience what the present moment has to offer. And with more mindful moments, we have more opportunities for growth, joy, connection, gratitude, meaning, and flourishing.

Watch the following video and simply pay attention to what comes up for you:

OK, what did you notice? What came up for you as you watched? Did you notice your mind having certain reactions or making judgements about any of the scenes? Did you notice if some were clearly pleasant, unpleasant, interesting, uninteresting, or neutral?    

Learning to pay attention to what’s happening in the present moment, bringing an open curiosity to whatever is there, and not needing it to be different, is the heart of mindfulness. In understanding the value of the present moment, we learn (as Tolstoy emphasizes) that it is the only moment in which we have any power.

Another important reason to get better at paying attention to the present moment is that a wandering mind tends to be an unhappy mind. In a fascinating study published in the journal Science (2010), Matt Killingsworth and Dan Gilbert used a smartphone app to send numerous random alerts to thousands of participants to learn more about their activities, moods, and where their minds were at the moment. Strikingly, they learned that people’s minds were wandering an average of 47% of the time, and that people reported being much less happy when their minds were wandering than when their attention was focused on what they were doing. Importantly, this held true across all different types of activities; even for a typically unenjoyable activity like commuting to work, people reported feeling happier when they were focused only on their commute than when their minds were drifting away to something else. Furthermore, the study’s results indicated that mind-wandering preceded unhappiness, not vice-versa. You can learn more about the details of this interesting study here, and you can even try out the same mobile app used in their research at www.trackyourhappiness.org.

Why would a pattern of mind-wandering contribute to unhappiness? It probably has to do with the negativity bias inherent in the human brain. When the mind is not focused on a particular task or experience, it tends to wander to potential threats or challenges (trying to keep us safe). Neuroscientists study this process using functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) procedures, particularly in interconnected brain regions called the default mode network (DMN). The DMN is generally involved in self-referential thinking (including potential threats to self), and higher DMN activity is related to increased anxiety and distress. It’s as if when the brain isn’t occupied with something, it defaults to a kind of generalized “sentry mode” looking out for what may not be going well. Not surprisingly, numerous studies have shown that mindfulness practices help decrease DMN activity, thereby increasing a person’s general sense of wellbeing.

No wonder so many people spend so much of their lives trying to keep their minds occupied; without a little “re-wiring,” the inactive mind can be a pretty uncomfortable place to hang out! But which sounds like a better life to you: feverishly trying to stay occupied so you can avoid the distress lurking in your brain, or learning to pay attention to what’s actually happening moment-to-moment, appreciating and savoring the depth available even in the “ordinary” scenes of life? By learning to really “be” wherever we are, we’ll be able to look back on a life fully lived, and set ourselves up for a best possible future, because we’ve learned to make the most of every moment.

How can you get better at “being” wherever you are? A great place to start is learning to pay closer attention to the body’s sensory experiences. In the next section, we show you how!