By Madison Coleman
I think it’s simply human nature to struggle to find things to be grateful for when everything seems to be going wrong in our lives. The COVID-19 pandemic and resultant social isolation has taken away many meaningful opportunities and experiences for thousands of people, not to mention the lost lives. Even before the pandemic, and after this is all over, we faced and will continue to face hardships and trials that will make it harder to be grateful for the good things in life. I have even found, during my times of greatest struggle and sadness, that I get angry and frustrated when people talk about the importance of gratitude. Something along the lines of, “How dare you, with your perfect, happy life, tell me that I need to be more grateful?” crosses my mind. Maybe you can relate.
Well, let me tell you about an experience that I had last year that made me a firm believer in the power of gratitude. I was taking a positive psychology course, and as part of an assignment, I chose to write weekly letters of gratitude to different people in my life. You can find out more about this activity here. This was during a very difficult semester for me. I had recently been through a tough breakup, my mental and emotional health were at an all-time low, I was feeling really discouraged and confused about my future, and I just didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. The positive psychology course as a whole provided me with many amazing resources and skills to help me get out of this rut, but I credit the greatest amount of growth to writing these gratitude letters. During the course of the semester, I wrote to both my parents, to a few of my roommates and close friends, and to some of my old high school teachers.
The ones to my parents were very special for me and I was absolutely overcome with emotion as I wrote them. After sending the one to my dad, he surprised me by writing one back! It was an overwhelmingly meaningful experience for me to read his kind words of gratitude. Since then, I have tried to be better at texting or calling my parents regularly to thank them for little things, and I’ve noticed that they, too, will often send me texts out of the blue expressing their love and gratitude for me. A similar thing happened with one of the letters I wrote for my roommate. We’ve been best friends for years, but as I wrote her letter, I realized how little I express my gratitude for her. Since noticing that, I’ve tried to be better at expressing my gratitude to her and to other friends as well, which has really helped me to create more meaningful, supportive friendships. Cultivating gratitude in my life has truly strengthened my relationships with others.
I was amazed by how much better I felt on the days that I wrote and sent the gratitude letters, but even more amazed at how long-lasting the benefits of this exercise were. The point of these kinds of strategies is to help us develop the habit of being grateful, rather than just having a one-time experience with gratitude, and that’s truly what this exercise did for me. I’m still horrible at being grateful sometimes, and it’s still the hardest when I’m going through tough times, but the fact that those gratitude letters helped me to recognize all the amazing people in my life and everything that they had done and sacrificed to help me be who I am today allowed me to see the importance of findings things to be grateful for during those hard times. The best part is: it’s easier than you might think! Finding the first few things to be grateful for during a rough time in your life may be hard, but once you start thinking of little things, the ball starts rolling and your list just gets longer and longer. And the longer it gets, the easier it is to notice that the bad does not often actually outweigh the good.
“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”
Another popular strategy for cultivating gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal, which you can read more about here. Since the pandemic started up, I decided to start keeping a gratitude journal again. I’d like to share just a few of the things that I’ve written:
The weather is beautiful! Can you imagine if this pandemic was happening in the dead of winter and we couldn’t even really go outside?! But no! We can still take a little walk in our backyards or sit in front of our house or keep the windows open to get some fresh air or go on some hikes and just enjoy the beauty of nature. It’s wonderful!
Technology is such an amazing thing. I can still keep in touch with my friends and family, and I’m able to keep working at my job and finish this semester’s classes because of it.
There are so many people sacrificing a lot to still work for the good of the community (workers in transit, grocery stores, healthcare, food banks, etc.). They’re amazing.
There’s a plethora of good books, TV shows, movies, podcasts etc. that I’ve wanted to read/watch/listen to, and now I can!
The list could go on and on. But this post isn’t just about my experience with gratitude strategies and how they’ve helped me. I want you to have an experience with it too. Being grateful is scientifically proven to make you happier. It’s not just a good idea or a nice sentiment from a religious leader or family member—it’s an integral part of our well-being. This video sums it up perfectly:
Practicing gratitude can help you in so many other areas of positive psychology research as well, such as cultivating mindfulness, supportive relationships, and optimism. It allows us to appreciate the small, simple things in our lives and overcome the negative thoughts and feelings that so often surround us. I know that practicing gratitude doesn’t sound all that appealing when life keeps pushing you down, but give it a go. Start small if you need to. I promise you’ll be glad you did.
“This is a wonderful day. I have never seen this one before.
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Here are some amazing resources to help you learn more about gratitude and how to cultivate it. There are many, many more on My Best Self 101’s gratitude module.
Something I really like about this video is that it points out that talking or writing about gratitude is not the same as feeling it. Although I recommend all gratitude strategies wholeheartedly, especially the gratitude letters, the most drastic effects will be seen when you practice them genuinely.
This video suggests some great well-being strategies and discusses why gratitude has such a great effect on our overall happiness.
And finally, this video is just super heart-warming and makes me want to write a bunch of gratitude letters all over again :)