By Katelyn Jackman
I worked as a cashier at a grocery store for several months back when I was in high school. In an attempt to improve customer satisfaction and in-store experience, the managers constantly urged us to have meaningful interactions with customers as they checked out with their groceries. I remember constantly grumbling about this instruction as I felt it put me in a potentially awkward situation: making small talk with a stranger. Attempting to appease my managers, I did my best—“It’s pretty hot out there today, isn’t it?”, “I see you’re purchasing candles, is it someone’s birthday?”, or “Did you know this item is BOGO?”
Interestingly, despite my grumblings, there were only very rare occasions when customers ignored me or were rude to me, making the interaction awkward or uncomfortable. Most of the interactions were actually perfectly fine. In fact, some of those customer interactions were even great! We’d make fun connections, I’d learn about a new recipe they were going to make, or we’d catch up because they were one of the “regulars.” Looking back, it seems kind of silly that I had such a negative attitude towards this employee requirement to talk to customers. Especially when the silence of my not initiating pleasant small talk was probably even more uncomfortable. But throughout ALL of my time as a cashier there, I never got over my wariness of conversing with strangers in the check-out line.
I know I’m not alone in this. Interestingly, it has become pretty normal—even trendy—to avoid potentially uncomfortable interactions/conversations with strangers. There are plenty of internet memes and TikToks joking about avoiding people you don’t know in public spaces. Our society has begun to limit the opportunities for small human interactions, and it’s not just because of COVID-19 social distancing guidelines. Dr. Laurie Santos, a positive psychologist at Yale University and creator of “The Happiness Lab” podcast, studies the impact of these small human interactions on well-being. Dr. Santos points to the invention of the ATM as the key event that sparked the “avoid conversing with strangers” movement nearly 55 years ago. While the original purpose of the ATM’s invention was to decrease the lines for the bank teller, the result was a “human-less interaction” option for a regular chore.
Since then, human-less interaction options have become more commonplace. Grocery stores have self-checkout aisles, fast food restaurants have tablet ordering options, parking garage services are automated, you can pre-purchase your movie tickets, and banking is even online now!
Besides convenience, many are drawn to these human-less interactions based on the notion that they are avoiding awkward conversation with a stranger. Why? We don’t like feeling awkward or uncomfortable, so we believe that such an interaction would lower our mood or well-being. However, Dr. Nick Epley ran an experiment that provides strong evidence against this common belief.
“Most people think a simple chat with a stranger will be awkward and not very good for well-being, but it turns out that simple connection with people we don’t know feels amazing. It’s a great way to feel less lonely and to boost our mood. Even for introverts!”
In this experiment, he offered a $10 gift card to participants if they had a conversation with a stranger on a train ride. Initially, most participants grimaced at the instruction and predicted poor outcomes. However, compared to a control condition and a condition where participants remained in solitude, the participants forced to converse with strangers reported significant mood boosts after those interactions. So compared to those that didn’t talk to strangers, the participants that talked to strangers felt HAPPIER after. Crazy, right? Especially since these results totally go against our intuition—conversing with strangers is good for us? Dr. Laurie Santos says, “Most people think a simple chat with a stranger will be awkward and not very good for well-being, but it turns out that simple connection with people we don't know feels amazing. It's a great way to feel less lonely and to boost our mood. Even for introverts!”
Unfortunately, COVID-19 social distancing guidelines have caused us to sink deeper into this resolve to avoid conversations with strangers. But, despite our beliefs, small connections with complete strangers can have a really beneficial positive impact on our well-being. In a society that isolates via technology, social distancing, etc., we need to be intentional in order to seek these positive interactions. So, what does that look like? Here are some suggestions for how to increase your small, positive interactions with strangers, and by extension, increase your well-being:
Rather than looking down or away when you pass a stranger in a hallway or in a store aisle, make eye contact and smile, or even say “hello.”
Choose the human-contact options in grocery stores (where safety conditions allow). Have a conversation with your cashier!
Strike up a conversation with a stranger in an elevator. You can do this by giving a compliment or asking a question.
Offer assistance to individuals that seem lost or confused- and don’t be afraid to ask for directions when you are lost or confused!
Make conversation with other customers in the check-out line.
Call someone on the phone as opposed to sending a text or email.
Comment on or interact with social media posts instead of just scrolling through.
I think we’ll find that as we choose to engage in these small, positive interactions with strangers, not only will our mood and well-being improve, but theirs will too!