By Halle Schnackenberg
“Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do”
What is Optimalism?
Psychologist Tal Ben Shahar suggests that we should try to be optimalists, rather than perfectionists. We should accept “good enough.” Optimalists see failures as learning opportunities, enjoy the journey as much as the end result, welcome feedback, look for the benefits of every situation, take responsibility for their mistakes, forgive others’ mistakes, and are adaptable (Ben-Shahar, 2009). Rather than creating unrealistic expectations, optimalists set reasonable goals and give themselves permission to be human. They accept their limitations and find value in both pleasant and difficult emotions. Optimalists still strive to be their best, but they do so in an encouraging and realistic manner.
Adjusting Your Mindset about Your Endless To-Do List
Do you have a list of things to do that you never seem to complete? Do you become frustrated with yourself when you cannot finish everything you want to? Even after you finish a task, do you still feel like you were unproductive that day? If so, you are in good company. Most people have such high expectations for themselves that they can never reach them. This can lead to frustration, negative self-talk, and discouragement (Ben-Shahar, 2009; Burkeman, 2021). What if we could change our perspective on our to-do lists? Oliver Burkeman explains in his book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals that we become liberated when we accept the fact that we cannot control or master time. Once we do this, we can take all the anxiety and rumination that used to accompany not being able to cross off every item on our to-do list, and we can spend that energy on doing the things that really do matter to us. Burkeman asserts that there is no other time management technique that is half as effective as facing the way things really are (Burkeman, 2021). Burkeman explains that a large amount of what we consider to be suffering or trouble caused by our situation is actually due to the belief that we should be able to find a way out of our situation. We can still use time management techniques, but we should not use them to escape the reality of mortality (Burkeman, 2021). As human beings, we have limitations that we should embrace. Instead of trying to do the impossible, let’s glorify the possible. Let’s be patient and let things take the time they take.
As I started giving myself permission to be human, I found so much more joy in the process of working towards completing a task. Instead of only feeling accomplished after crossing something off, I now try to be proud of myself anytime I work on a task. The smallest step towards task completion is a victory. I have tried to accept the fact that I can only do so much; there is simply no time for everything. I will do what I can, and I will also allow myself to recharge on some days. This mindset has been so much more inspiring and encouraging for me. I have even found myself excited to work on my to-do list because I take pride in myself instead of consistently feeling like I am never doing enough. I encouraged my friend to take this same approach and he said that it has taken time to change his mindset, and he is still working on it. However, it has already been monumentally helpful. Instead of anxiously rushing from thing to thing, finding no satisfaction in working on his to-do list, he productively works on his list with a complete knowledge of his limitations. He told me that accepting his limitations has liberated him from the chains of constantly feeling inadequate.
Developing an Optimal To-Do List
Fostering an optimalistic mindset while working on our to-do lists may make the process much more manageable, and even enjoyable. I have added a small list of things below that you can try as you work to accept the mortal condition.
1. Do one thing at a time
2. Enjoy the process as much as the end result
3. Recognize and embrace your limitations
4. Accept “good enough”
5. Be patient with the process
6. Focus on the possible- what you can do, what you can control
7. Decide what you can neglect
8. Wherever you are, be there
9. Be proud of yourself
“Don’t wait until you reach your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take”
References
Ben-Shahar, T. (2009). The pursuit of perfect: How to stop chasing perfection and start living a richer, happier life. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Burkeman, O. (2021). Four thousand weeks: Time management for mortals. Farrar, Straus, and Giroux.