By Halle schnackenberg
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable.”
Socialization of Male Gender Norms
Did you know, men seek help from mental health professionals less often than women although they are more likely to die by suicide (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). Men are less likely to recognize when they need help, practice healthy coping strategies, and cooperate in therapy (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Lynch et al., 2018). Many researchers found that men may not seek help because it violates traditional male gender norms (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Wasylkiw & Clairo, 2018; Yousaf et al., 2015). Society expects men to avoid emotions, which may prevent them from healthily working through difficult emotions; this could contribute to higher suicide rates among men. Men are socialized to be stoic and independent, so they may feel embarrassed or anxious to address their emotions (Yousaf et al., 2015). Additionally, society often describes emotionally vulnerable males as attention-seeking, unstable, or weak (Vogel et al., 2007). So, how can our society encourage men to open up if they want to?
Strengthening men to challenge traditional gender stereotypes in natural settings may help them overcome negative attitudes associated with being emotionally vulnerable. Regularly talking to the men in our lives about feelings, emotions, and mental health can normalize the presence of mental illness in men and stress the importance of maintaining a healthy mind (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Kirby et al., 2021; Lynch et al., 2018; Vogel et al., 2007). These vital conversations can also help men understand that mental illness can affect anyone, and there is no shame in seeking help. Our constant willingness to address difficult emotions with men could diminish negative consequences that affect men who violate traditional male gender norms (Cefai et al., 2020; Lynch et al., 2018). To normalize expressing emotions, we could form supportive relationships with the men in our lives to provide environments where men can comfortably open up.
Supportive Relationships
According to the “Supportive Relationships” module, we are wired for connection through brain regions that motivate us to form and nurture social relationships. It is also a fundamental need to create social bonds. As human beings, we want to belong. We long to feel loved, supported, and understood. Emotional support is an important aspect of the social support that we offer and receive. This includes listening, empathizing, and encouraging others to express their emotions. Think about your most rewarding relationships. Do you listen to each other, empathize with each other, and frequently express your emotions to one another?
I have found that when I let the men in my life know that I am a safe space, they are more willing to self-disclose. My male friends and family members have expressed how they feel more inclined to talk to me after I express my own emotions. They also feel less judged when I casually emphasize the importance of working through difficult emotions. They feel understood and validated when I check in on their mental health. These regular “check-ins” can prove that their self-image does not necessarily become tainted when they self-disclose (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Lynch et al., 2018; Vogel et al., 2007). Rather, it allows us to create stronger relational bonds. I have tried for years to get my dad to feel comfortable enough to tell me about his worries, insecurities, and sorrows. Over time, he has begun confiding in me more often because it helps him feel relieved and more connected to me. Thus, improving our relationships might be one way in which we can increase self-disclosure.
Becoming a Safe Space
How do we build supportive relationships and become a safe space for someone? Sharing evidence-based facts with our social circles about the importance of self-disclosure may urge certain individuals rethink stereotypes they hold. It can also help normalize addressing mental health. For example, in an appropriate situation, one could say “addressing mental health is beneficial for everyone because learning how to recognize and manage emotions is vital in maintaining a healthy mind and positive relationships,” (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Kirby et al., 2021; Lynch et al., 2018; Vogel et al., 2007). Below, I offer a few steps to take when trying to create strong relational bonds with people. Check out the “Supportive Relationships” module for additional resources.
Practice sincere listening
Offer your undivided attention
Be curious- ask questions
Respond constructively
Share your own experiences when appropriate
“What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful”
References
Addis, M. E., & Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5-14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.58.1.5
Cefai, C., Regester, D., Dirani, L. A. (2020). Social and emotional learning in the Mediterranean: Cross cultural perspectives and approaches. Brill Sense.
Kirby, K., Lyons, A., Mallett, J., Goetzke, K., Dunne, M., Gibbons, W., Ní Chnáimhsí, Á, Ferguson, J., Harkin, T. W., McGlinchey, E., McAnee, G., Belfar, M. L., & Stark, K. L. (2021). The hopeful minds programme: A mixed-method evaluation of 10 school curriculum based, theoretically framed, lessons to promote mental health and coping skills in 8–14-year-olds. Child Care in Practice, 27(2), 169-190. https://doi.org/10.1080/13575279.2019.1664993
Lynch, L., Long, M., & Moorhead, A. (2018). Young men, help-seeking, and mental health services: Exploring barriers and solutions. American Journal of Men's Health, 12(1), 138-149. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988315619469
Vogel, D. L., Wester, S. R., & Larson, L. M. (2007). Avoidance of counseling: Psychological factors that inhibit seeking help. Journal of Counseling & Development, 85(4), 410-422. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2007.tb00609.x
Wasylkiw, L., & Clairo, J. (2018). Help seeking in men: When masculinity and self-compassion collide. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 19(2), 234-242. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/men0000086
Yousaf, O., Popat, A., & Hunter, M. S. (2015). An investigation of masculinity attitudes, gender, and attitudes toward psychological help-seeking. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 16(2), 234-237. https://doi-org.byu.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/a0036241