My Best Self 101 Blog
There was a man who lived alone in the desert. Why, you may ask, did this man come to live alone in the desert? It was a conscious decision he made himself, led on by his growing impatience with silly quarrels, betrayals of friends, and bickering that inevitably came along with people. Wishing to escape society, he packed up his belongings and everything he owned to venture into the vast arid desert.
Three young monkeys lived in the jungle. After counseling with a wise old teacher, one committed to hear no evil, one to see no evil and one to speak no evil. The monkeys set out on their noble endeavor, but soon became disheartened because their jungle friends didn’t want to be around them anymore and the monkeys were sad and lonely. So, they returned to the wise one for help. “Tell me more about how you are protecting yourself and others from evil,” the wise one asked. The monkeys proudly explained that the one who heard no evil would cover his ears whenever another said something he thought was wrong. The one who saw no evil would close his eyes to others’ perspectives when they clashed with his sense of goodness. And the one who spoke no evil closed his heart and met others with silence in conflict so nothing bad would enter or escape him. “Ah,” said the wise one, “I see. You mistake evil for difference.”
All over the world, there are opportunities to engage with others closely through work opportunities, volunteer efforts, friendships, relationships, and schooling. Imagine finding yourself living your day-to-day life with someone you know, but don’t know well. For many, this occurs when roommates are assigned, missionaries go out “two by two,” or a new neighbor moves in next door and starts hosting block parties. But what emerges from these events? Do friendships form?
What is it that causes friendships to form between two strangers?
The tallest mountain near my home is called Mt. Timpanogos. It stands at an epic 11, 753 feet and its tall peak is streaked with snow late into the summer months each year. Against the skyline, the mountain’s peaks cut boldly into the open space creating what looks like an outline of a sleeping woman. Her long hair can be seen falling loosely down the shaded mountain paths on the northern edge while the last peak on the southern end is the tip of her feet.Local legend tells of a beautiful young woman named Utahnah who was a part of the Native American tribe that lived anciently on the mountain. When the God of their tribe, Timpanogos, became angry with the tribe, Utahnah was chosen by the people to be sacrificed in order to appease his wrath. At the command of her friends and family, she made the long trek up the mountain, eventually throwing herself off its tallest peak.
On a busy Friday morning at the L'Enfant Plaza in Washinton D.C., a young man dressed in a T-shirt and jeans took out a violin and began to play. For the next 45 minutes, the sounds of Bach, Schubert, Ponce, and Massenet could be heard echoing between the halls of the building. Out of the more than one thousand people who passed by, twenty-seven dropped a few dollars into his violin case, and only seven paused to listen to the music. Unbeknownst to the crowd, that man was Joshua Bell—one of the most famous and talented violinists in the world. His violin? Bell purchased it for nearly $4 million. And just a few days prior, Bell’s sold-out concert at the Symphony Hall in Boston brought in over $250,000 in revenue. Needless to say, his street performance at the plaza, though largely overlooked by those in attendance, was a masterpiece that any classical music lover would be dismayed to have missed (Weingarten, 2007).
Men seek help from mental health professionals less often than women although they are more likely to die by suicide (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). Men are less likely to recognize when they need help, practice healthy coping strategies, and cooperate in therapy (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Lynch et al., 2018). Many researchers found that men may not seek help because it violates traditional male gender norms (Addis & Mahalik, 2003; Wasylkiw & Clairo, 2018; Yousaf et al., 2015). Society expects men to avoid emotions, which may prevent them from healthily working through difficult emotions; this could contribute to higher suicide rates among men. Men are socialized to be stoic and independent, so they may feel embarrassed or anxious to address their emotions (Yousaf et al., 2015). Additionally, society often describes emotionally vulnerable males as attention-seeking, unstable, or weak (Vogel et al., 2007). So, how can our society encourage men to open up if they want to?
