By Marinne Hammond
“When we learn how to become resilient, we learn how to embrace the beautifully broad spectrum of the human experience.”
Resilience is a characteristic that most people probably strive to master—in life, there are countless opportunities and rewards we may long for, but they aren’t guaranteed. It requires work to obtain these rewards. And, even after putting in the work, our efforts may not yield a desirable outcome. This is where resilience comes in—being able to move forward without giving up.
I wanted to learn more about resilience from a scientific perspective, so I turned to positive psychology journals and found a lot more than I was expecting. Needless to say, resilience has a lot of aspects to it that I was not expecting! It helped me to understand myself better and see opportunities for growth, rather than trying to label myself as either “resilient” or “weak”. I thought it would be more meaningful to rely not only on the scientific definitions I found, but also on the lived experiences of some of the most resilient people I know.
Arslan and Wong (2023, p. 2) cite several other researchers to summarize some main aspects on what it means to be resilient. In the authors’ words, here are the aspects of resilience, along with people’s lived experiences relating to these aspects:
1. Be tough mentally in order to face a competitive and difficult world (Scarfe & Baxter, n.d.). We need control, commitment, challenge, and confidence to face adversity (Gucciardi, 2020).
A friend of mine rephrased this definition in a way that made sense to her.
She wrote: “To be mentally tough is to be stable enough to continue thriving in
life even after opposition. Make competition the fuel to the fire of your
success.”
I appreciate her perspective on mental toughness, specifically as it relates to
competition. It might be easy to see competition as a threat to resilience. In other words, if someone “loses” at something, they might immediately frame this as an obstacle to overcome. On the contrary, my friend sees competition in a richer way: a necessity to being a successful human being.
2. Be responsible for adapting to each difficult situation with ethics and flexibility (Arslan & Wong, 2022).
Here is what a young, accomplished dancer has to say about this:
“If a difficult situation involves other people, I try not to focus on myself and be aware. So, in dance competitions, it’s hard to maintain close friendships when competing against each other, but we try to just support each other no matter what. One time, I had a friend who scored higher than me. I’m proud of my friend; I congratulated her and supported her even though I might have been disappointed in myself.”
Putting other people’s feelings before your own is no easy task, but it leads to resilience that maintains cherished relationships. To read more on the importance of relationships, I highly encourage you to visit our website’s Supportive Relationships.
3. Appreciate what you still have in spite of the losses. Appreciate the gift of being alive and the goodness in the world (Jans-Beken & Wong, 2019).
Someone I respect deeply responded to this aspect of resilience in a thoughtful way:
“We all have losses and disappointments throughout our lives, but we can still be grateful. Focusing on a situation that didn’t turn out like I wanted it to, or on what I don’t have, makes me sad and keeps me stuck. Intentionally noticing and working with what I DO have, and what I CAN do, makes me thankful and able to move forward. Goodness can always be found, even during hard times. Sometimes goodness is even magnified during challenges . . . I had leukemia as a child, so that has given me some perspective on the value of life. I’m grateful I get to be alive and for all I get to experience.”
I am always amazed at how interconnected positive psychology topics can be, such as resilience and gratitude. If you want to increase your resilience by practicing gratitude like my loved one shared, see what you can gather from our Gratitude module.
4. Practice mindfulness by accepting life [as] it is and embracing life with openness without [judgment] in order to have the clarity of mind to do the right thing (Moore, 2022).
A loved one summarized this suggestion from the perspective of his own life:
“I try to accept that everything happens for a reason and understand what I can take away from my current circumstances to make me a better person.”
When I reflect on his response, I am reminded of the power that one’s personal beliefs in the meaning of their life can be. It is clear that his expansive perspective on whatever comes his way allows him to progress resiliently through life.
5. Practice the meaning mindset (Wong, 2012) by looking for what is beautiful, good, and meaningful even in difficult situations.
I asked several people around me to share one word or phrase that exemplifies the good they find amidst adversity. Here are the words that were shared with me:
Love
Family
Calm
Prayer
Hope
I invite you to make your own list of the things that keep you going during a trying time. What words or phrases speak to you?
6. Believe in a better future through faith, hope, and love (Wong, 2023a. 2023b)
A close friend shared this:
“Faith, hope and love keep me moving through life. When things seem insurmountable, those are the fuels that keep me going.”
This response reminded me of my other friend’s remark that competition was the fuel for a successful life. It appears that the drivers for resilience are subjective to the individual. It might take some time to discover your personal “fuel” behind resilience, but it may clarify what you can do to live a resilient life.
While these six aspects of resilience provide insight into what it means to move forward in life effectively, it is surely not exhaustive. Nonetheless, I hope this exploration of resilience encourages you to see resilience not just as a simple personality trait, but as a mechanism for enhancing the life you strive to achieve.
Further Reading on Resilience:
“Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.”
References
Arslan, G., & Wong, P. T. P. (2022). Measuring personal and social responsibility: An existential positive psychology approach. Journal of Happiness and Health, 2(1), 1–11.
https://doi.org/10.47602/johah.v2i1.5
Arslan, G., & Wong, P. (2023). Embracing life’s challenges: Developing a tool for assessing resilient mindset in second wave positive psychology. Journal of Happiness and Health, (FirstView Articles), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.47602/johah.v4i1.53
Gucciardi, D. F. (2020, April 14). Mental toughness: Taking stock and considering new horizons. In G. Tenenbaum & R. C. Eklund (Eds.), Handbook of sport psychology (4th ed.) (Chp. 6). https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119568124.ch6
Jans-Beken, L. G. P. J., & Wong, P. T. P. (2019). Development and preliminary validation of the Existential Gratitude Scale (EGS). Counselling Psychology Quarterly. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/09515070.2019.1656054
Moore, M. (2022, June 23). Mindfulness: The art of cultivating resilience. PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/mindfulness-the-art-of-cultivating-resilience
Scarfe, G., & Baxter, M. (n.d.). Connecting mental toughness and wellbeing in education [Poster presentation].
Smart, E. (2018). Where There’s Hope: Healing, Moving Forward, and Never Giving Up. St. Martin's Press. https://www.amazon.com/Where-Theres-Hope-Healing-Forward/dp/1250115523
Wong, P. T. P. (2012). The meaning mindset: Measurement and implications. International Journal of Existential Psychology and Psychotherapy, 4(1), 1–3.
Wong, P. T. P. (Ed.). (2023a). A second-wave positive psychology in counselling psychology: A paradigm shift. Routledge.
Wong, P. T. P. (2023b). Spiritual-existential wellbeing (SEW): The faith-hope-love model of mental health and total wellbeing. International Journal of Existential Positive Psychology, 12 (1). https://www.meaning.ca/ijepp-article/vol12-no1/spiritual-existential-wellbeing/