My Best Self 101 Blog
While none of us enjoy setbacks, it’s important to remember that on the journey of life, every challenge is a stepping stone towards personal growth. While facing adversity is never easy, it can significantly transform you, shaping a more resilient, insightful, and compassionate individual. Today, My Best Self 101 explores how the obstacles we encounter can lead to profound personal transformation and ultimately, a richer, more fulfilling life.
As a child growing up on a cattle ranch nestled in the Northeastern Idaho mountains, grit was a physical presence. Grit was the wind blowing dust and debris into my eyes, nose, and mouth. Grit was the ring around my ankles and between my toes when pulling off crusty socks. Grit was sand and dirt in every bite of a sandwich pulled from saddlebags during a long cattle drive. Grit was everywhere, covering everything, as persistent as the smell of fresh manure. It was washed off in freezing mountain streams during hot July summers and again in steaming showers at the end of long, hard days.
Why am I like this? My thoughts move at 100 miles per second. I’m dumb, I’m not capable, I’m not beautiful enough. I am too lazy. The people around me seem to have everything together all the time. There is no escaping this anxious, stressful reality. My spiral begins to feel uncontrollable and panic sets in. Suddenly, my husband walks into the room and tells me I am beautiful and hugs me. He tells me about his day and how he missed my smile. My thoughts ease and I am immediately encircled by his warm, intentional embrace. Feelings of love and comfort rush over my body and the crippling feelings are replaced with encouraging ones. I feel capable, beautiful, and heard. Because I received comfort from my sweet husband, I feel capable of offering the same love to myself. I am reminded of my worth. My confidence grows and I see the miracle of the day.
When I think about gratitude, I imagine it like an ice cream sundae. Hear me out—gratitude is the base scoop of ice cream, the foundation for all the sweet, wonderful toppings life can offer. Without it, the dessert of life feels incomplete. But when you add that scoop of gratitude, everything else—joy, connection, resilience sticks a little better and tastes a whole lot sweeter.
My grandma once told me a story, and while she has told me plenty of stories, this is one that I remember often. She said, “When your grandpa and I were first married, we attended an activity for couples. One of the activities was for each of us to write down a list of things we wished we could change about our partner. When they started the timer, my pen started flying across the paper. I probably came up with a good list of 30 things, and I was excited to see what Grandpa had written. When it came time to share, Grandpa flipped his paper over, and on it, he had simply written ‘nothing.’ I was so ashamed of my list of 30. How could he forgive me of all my flaws while I hung onto his?” As I have watched my grandparents’ relationship over the years, my grandpa is still more content in the relationship, and he is quick to love, while my grandma often complains of being trapped.
Think about the last time you were feeling down or mentally unwell. In that moment, what did you do to make yourself feel better, if anything at all? I remember one of the last times I felt down and a little lost in life; it was during the Covid pandemic, just after we had been told that we could not go back to school and needed to stay home, away from all our friends. I was devastated that my senior year had taken such an unfortunate turn. I was looking forward to my last semester of high school, my one and only prom, and of course my graduation. These events were no longer promised to me, and I my mental well-being was suffering. I remember feeling this way, but instead of throwing myself a pity party, I decided to try and make myself feel better. My youngest sister is an arts and crafts connoisseur so I asked her if she would teach me a craft that I could do with her. We ended up painting with watercolor and making friendship bracelets for several days and these activities made me feel so much better.
Life can be tough, and at times, it can feel like too much to handle without healthy coping strategies. One of my personal go-to methods is simply pausing to take a breath. A deep, slow inhale and a long, heavy exhale always helps me take a step back and reconnect with my body. Breathing is invaluable for improving our well-being, especially when combined with practices like mindfulness, gratitude, savoring, self-compassion, and yoga. In the realm of yoga, this practice of breath control is referred to as pranayama. Also known as yogic breathing, it serves to deepen the connection between body and mind, furthering yoga's goal of unity.
Recently in my yoga class, I've noticed numerous conceptual similarities between the practice of yoga and mindfulness meditation. As the teacher guides us through the session, it resembles the structured mindfulness meditations that I’ve grown to love. At the start of each class, she prompts us to introspect and decide on a focus for the day. Throughout the session, she directs our attention to our breath, synchronizing our inhales and exhales with our movements. When we engage in "binds" — positions where our limbs intertwine — we reflect on the symbolic binds within our minds that may impede our progress. Towards the end of every session, we recline into savasana, also known as corpse pose, and concentrate on clearing our minds, breathing deeply from the diaphragm, and scanning our bodies for any areas of tension.
Resilience is a characteristic that most people probably strive to master—in life, there are countless opportunities and rewards we may long for, but they aren’t guaranteed. It requires work to obtain these rewards. And, even after putting in the work, our efforts may not yield a desirable outcome. This is where resilience comes in—being able to move forward without giving up. I wanted to learn more about resilience from a scientific perspective, so I turned to positive psychology journals and found a lot more than I was expecting. Needless to say, resilience has a lot of aspects to it that I was not expecting! It helped me to understand myself better and see opportunities for growth, rather than trying to label myself as either “resilient” or “weak”. I thought it would be more meaningful to rely not only on the scientific definitions I found, but also on the lived experiences of some of the most resilient people I know.
Love, a complex and multifaceted emotion, transcends conventional boundaries and encompasses a spectrum of sentiments, ranging from affection and tenderness to empathy and connection (Vangelisti & Perlman, 2019). In the contemporary discourse, psychologists like Barbara Fredrickson have emphasized that love defies rigid categorization and flourishes in myriad forms, influencing various aspects of human experience (Fredrickson, 2019).
Moreover, recent research underscores that love extends beyond romantic relationships to include the bonds we share with friends, family, and even strangers .These diverse expressions of love contribute significantly to individuals' well-being and social connectedness, fostering resilience and emotional fulfillment. By acknowledging and appreciating the richness of love in its various forms, individuals cultivate a deeper understanding of the complexities inherent in human relationships and enhance their overall quality of life.
