By Claire Sullivan
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”
Few things exist that everyone in this world appreciates; however, a good story is one of those few things. There is something so satisfying about reading a great novel, watching a clever movie, or listening to your friend’s juicy story that has you hanging on by the edge of your seat. A good story is captivating, moving, and inspiring. Now think of your life. Is your life a great story? Are you captivated, moved, or inspired by the life you live? If you answered no to these questions or want to make your life a better story than it currently is, then this blog is for you!
So, what makes a good story? First, a good story includes a main character who has a purpose. Purpose is defined as a central, self-organizing life aim that encompasses three dimensions: strength (one’s influence on their behavior), scope (the range of domains affected), and awareness (the degree to which there is conscious clarity and articulation) (McKnight & Kashdan, 2009). A purpose is also a central theme of one’s life, self-organizing towards one’s goals, and is congruent with one’s deepest values (Kashdan et al., 2023). Therefore, a purpose is something that is authentic and guides one’s behavior toward their goals. Purpose can help make sense of the meaning of one’s life.
Once the main character knows their purpose, they then set off to accomplish it. The second thing that happens in a great story is an inciting incident that propels the main character out of their comfort zone. This is the part of the story where there is character transformation, conflict, and overcoming change. Hardly anything in life is easy to accomplish, especially one’s purpose. So, the main character needs a little push to overcome something hard to get what they want. Russo-Netzer and Cohen (2023) conducted a study that demonstrated how participants who engaged in an activity outside of their comfort zone for two weeks reported higher life satisfaction than those who participated in activities within their comfort zone. Most things (if not everything) in life that are worthwhile are not easy to obtain. It takes some challenge and possibly tribulation to accomplish something worthwhile. However, pushing oneself out of their comfort zone can bring more life satisfaction, most likely because there is a feeling of empowerment in doing hard things. Doing something hard that pushes one’s limits helps show what they are really made of and can be a character-strengthening experience. It is not natural to sign up for something that will bring heartache or misery, but starting out by pushing one’s limits and leaving their comfort zone will help the story progress. Donald Miller (2009) wrote a book on how to live a good story and mentioned that “fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick [people] into living a boring life.” So, although leaving the comfort zone can be scary, it will be helpful in living a more interesting and satisfactory life. It is also very likely that by engaging in something hard and outside of one’s comfort zone that their purpose may be refined as well.
Lastly, a good story includes a main character who invites other people into their story. I mean, what’s the point of a good story if there is no one to share it with? Inviting others into one’s own story can help give them a better story too. Including people in the journey of the story helps to build relationships and create memories together. Waldinger and Shultz (2023) found in their study—the longest study on happiness ever conducted—that good relationships keep people happier and healthier. So, having supportive relationships with others in the story may boost one’s well-being and life satisfaction.
To put it simply, in order to live a great story, one needs to find their purpose, go through an inciting incident to overcome conflict and experience character transformation, and include others in their story. For more information on how to develop one’s purpose, practice engaged living, or cultivate supportive relationships, click on the appropriate links. Remember, a story is based on what people think is important, so when a person lives a story, they are telling those around them what they think is important (Miller, 2009). It can be intimidating to know exactly how to live a good story, so here are some suggestions for where to start.
Practices
Purpose
Make a list of 20 things you want to see, experience, do, become, etc. What does your dream life look like? What would you have to do to accomplish this? Try to find patterns in what you are interested in and what you want to become. Narrow down your list to your top three things and that can be a basis for your purpose.
Engaged Living (The Inciting Incident)
In order to have some conflict and character development, there needs to be something in your life pushing you. Maybe this naturally is occurring in your life, and if so then no need to create more. However, if you feel your life is mundane, try starting your own inciting incident. Say yes to things you normally wouldn’t, like doing a marathon with your friends or going on a trip to the Grand Canyon. Try pushing yourself out of your comfort zone in small and simple ways to start some character building.
Sharing the Experience with Others
Try doing some things out of your comfort zone with other people. Maybe that means making a new friend in a club you just joined or inviting a friend to hike a mountain with you. Whatever activities you are participating in that are outside of your comfort zone, invite others to join. Sharing your story with others, whether they are old friends or new, will make the story better.
“Despite the natural belittling of one’s self, the doubts, the insecurities, we have to wake up to the realisation that we all write our own autobiography, we are the authors of our life story. Realising that, write a good story with your life and make sure to write yourself as the protagonist. Be the hero of your journey.”
References
Miller, D. (2009). A million miles in a thousand years: What I learned while editing my life. Thomas Nelson.
Kashdan, T. B., Goodman, F. R., McKnight, P. E., Brown, B., & Rum, R. (2023). Purpose in life: A resolution on the definition, conceptual model, and optimal measurement. American Psychologist. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0001223
McKnight, P. E., & Kashdan, T. B. (2009). Purpose in life as a system that creates and sustains health and well-being: An integrative, testable theory. Review of General Psychology, 13(3), 242–251. https://doi.org/10.1037/ a0017152
Russo-Netzer, P., & Cohen, G. L. (2023). ‘If you’re uncomfortable, go outside your comfort zone’: A novel behavioral ‘stretch’ intervention supports the well-being of unhappy people. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(3), 394-410. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2022.2036794
Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon and Schuster.