By Rachel Nelson
“A highly developed values system is like a compass. It serves as a guide to point you in the right direction when you are lost”
As soon as my teammate and I slammed into each other, my leg twisted, and I knew my ACL was torn. An innocent game of capture the flag suddenly jerked my life off its tracks. I was a ballroom dancer, blessed with two hard working partners, a phenomenal coach, and goals to finally get on the BYU ballroom dance team my senior year. That summer, I dedicated myself to dance, investing substantial time, money, and effort in improving my talent. Dancing was my favorite social outlet and my go-to coping mechanism to combat stress or sadness; however, after the injury, I could not turn without my knee painfully giving out. I was devastated. For a week, I cried alone in my car, mourning the loss of dance opportunities. Devastated, I told my partners to find other ladies to compete with for the upcoming season. Without my dance life, my mental health took a hit, and I feared that it would get worse after my surgery.
Thankfully, I was well-versed in many mindfulness strategies and techniques. To combat this life challenge, I decided to use the strategy of engaged living. Engaged living is the practice of identifying and living by personal values despite obstacles (Shearer & Warren, n.d). Research indicates that value-living is correlated with increased well-being, especially if the values are related to self-direction (Hanel et al., 2023). Openness to change and self-transcendence are also related to engaged living (Fischer & Karl, 2023). Truly living by our values takes reflection, intentionality, and vulnerability, but it can unlock our ability to thrive.
I distinctly remember the peaceful relief and empowerment that came from writing down my values. I asked myself “What made me love ballroom dancing so much?” The answer to this question is, “because I deeply value connection, musical expression, health, and growth”. A beautiful realization washed over me that I could still live these four values without dancing. I then made an extensive list of possible activities associated with my dance-related values. Surprisingly, this list was overwhelmingly long, too long for me to do everything. So, from my list, I chose a few activities from each value. I fostered social connection by planning and attending parties with dance friends, checking in with students at work, going on dates, and spending time with loved ones. I also expressed myself musically by creating Spotify playlists. I worked on my health by getting a gym membership with my roommates and doing stationary and upper-body exercises. I focused on growth by taking physical therapy seriously and celebrating every small improvement. Each of these endeavors filled me with satisfaction. Whereas the surgery, recovery process, and time away from dance were still painful, I felt peaceful and content.
Similar to my experience, Baseotto et al. (2020) discovered that value-directed living significantly increased the well-being of patients recovering from acquired brain injury. Behaviors such as spending more time with loved ones, spending time in nature, and developing talents and skills that were in line with the patient’s values were important factors in post-traumatic growth, therefore, this research indicates that it is not necessarily processing the injury or trauma, but rather the reflection and realignment of values that leads to healthy psychological growth (Baseotto, 2020). It also suggests that teaching the strategy of engaged living may benefit any recovery or rehabilitation center (Baseotto, 2020).
Now I am three months post-surgery and am slowly starting to incorporate gentle dancing into my life again. Surprisingly, the time had flown by. Because I lived by my values, I did not experience the festering impatience and frustration typical of recovery. Instead, I feel fulfilled by my rich life. Although I lost dance opportunities temporarily, I learned to be adaptable and even gained a deeper appreciation of dance.
You may not be recovering from an injury like me; however, we all experience unexpected changes. When you experience obstacles or unplanned paths in your life, remember that you still have control to live by your values. The beauty of values is that they can apply to any situation. As you realign your actions to your values, satisfaction will follow. Engaged living is an effective strategy to cultivate happiness and overcome challenges.
I challenge you to identify a value you deeply resonate with. It may be curiosity, intelligence, beauty, strength, or friendship. Whatever value you choose, find a way to incorporate it into your daily life and see how it positively affects you.
Read more about engaged living strategies at https://www.mybestself101.org/engaged-living
“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny”
References
Baseotto, M. C., Morris, P. G., Gillespie, D. C., & Trevethan, C. T. (2022). Post-traumatic growth and value-directed living after acquired brain injury. Neuropsychological rehabilitation, 32(1), 84–103. https://doi.org/10.1080/09602011.2020.1798254
Fischer, R., & Karl, J. A. (2023). Unraveling values and well-being-Disentangling within- and between-person dynamics via a psychometric network perspective. Journal of personality and social psychology, 124(6), 1338–1355. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspp0000449
Hanel, P. H., Tunç, H., Bhasin, D., Litzellachner, L. F., & Maio, G. R. (2023) Value fulfillment and well-being: Clarifying directions over time. Journal of Personality. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12869
Shearer, J., & Warren, J. (n.d.). Engaged Living Module. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/engaged-living