By bryce klingonsmith
“Everyone has a ‘risk muscle.’ You keep it in shape by trying new things. If you don’t, it atrophies. Make a point of using it at least once a day.”
When I was a sophomore in high school, I ran for the student council to be in the activities committee as a junior. A year before in middle school, I had been the student body president, and I was running against three other people for a three-person committee, so I felt pretty confident that I could earn a spot. I ran a hard campaign. I talked to lots of strangers, handed out all sorts of flyers, and I even lit myself on fire on accident while making my campaign video (I was ok). For me, it would all be worth it to earn an opportunity to do something I loved for the second time. I wanted to spend my time doing something I was confident and familiar with. I gave my best effort and felt incredibly confident when I went to hear the results of the election. But, as you may have guessed, I found out that I had lost.
Although I was really sad as a result of this and learned a lot about self-acceptance and moving on from disappointment, this isn’t a story about failure. It’s about trying new things.
To me, losing my election didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have anything to do during my junior year of high school. Rather, it meant I now had hundreds of hours of free time on my hands to do something else. Without thinking much, I decided to go ahead and join the debate team. Although I had no prior experience, no friends on the debate team, and no particular talent for public speaking or even for debate itself, I quickly found myself in a completely new and challenging world of philosophy, logic, research, and policy. I’m not sure I had ever felt true anxiety in my life before I sat waiting to deliver my first speech, but by confronting these and other challenging new experiences, I grew immensely.
From this, I learned the value of trying new things, and I became truly grateful for having lost my election. My year in debate would mark the first time in my life that I had truly taken a plunge into the unknown and tried something completely new to me. I admit that I lost the majority of my debates, and I confess that I was honestly relieved when it was over. Even so, I was profoundly grateful to have pushed myself and to have seen it through. I learned that experience can be its own reward; I can be emotionally exposed to myself, take risks in the face of failure, and accept my imperfect efforts as sufficient.
As a result of this attitude, trying new things has become a way of life. Since becoming an average debater, I’ve also become an amateur ballroom dancer, a subpar trail runner, a decent potter, and a mediocre fly fisherman, among other things. I have learned that trying new things brings great variety, excitement, and adventure into life, even if you never become a pro. This idea of doing new things imperfectly is what I want to share with you today. Two positive psychology skills that are particularly important for anyone interested in trying new things are grit and vulnerability.
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True Grit is making a decision and standing by it, doing what must be done. No moral man can have peace of mind if he leaves undone what he knows he should have done.
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Grit has been commonly defined as passion and perseverance for long-term goals (Duckworth et al., 2007), which is essential for anyone aiming to try something new. People who score high on measures of grit are found to be more successful in their studies, more efficient in the workplace, and enjoy greater general well-being (Datu, 2021). Unfortunately, developing grit isn’t always as easy as flipping a switch. Rather, it takes time and consistency. If grit feels like a difficult trait to attain directly, it may instead be helpful to develop a mindfulness toward thoughts and actions that lead you to avoid trying new things or to quit something that you’ve just begun.
For example, if you’ve started going to the gym and notice your excitement and commitment dropping, make sure you ask yourself why your motivation is going down. Could it be that you are not seeing results? Or, perhaps you are unsure whether you’re properly using the equipment? Or, is it just hard to go alone? Finding these doubts and talking back to them as they come is a great way to develop grit and to find solutions to keep you going. In our example, maybe you realize that you feel alone in your health goals and decide to ask for help from loved ones as a way to gain support. Doing this exercise whenever you’re feeling stuck in your new pursuit will be a great way to help you stick with something new you’ve been trying. For more practices to help develop grit, you may want to give our module on Engaged Living a try.
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Unremarkable lives are marked by the fear of not looking capable when trying something new.”
Next up is vulnerability. If you’re new to the idea of vulnerability, it may be tempting to think of a vulnerable person as one who is weak, overly emotional, or sensitive. However, experts in the field of psychology highlight its importance for fearless and vital living. Brene Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, wrote: “The definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness; it's our most accurate measure of courage” (Brown, 2017). In other words, vulnerability can be as simple as being aware of the unknown and choosing to take risks in spite of it. Brown concludes, “‘When the barrier is our belief about vulnerability, the question becomes: 'Are we willing to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome?'” (Brown, 2017).
Hopefully you can see that being vulnerable isn’t just about doing things like asking for help or being the first one to say “I love you” in a relationship. Although these are healthy risks to take, vulnerability also has everything to do with accepting and embracing risk in any situation where failure is possible. To that end, vulnerability isn’t just about exposing yourself emotionally to others, but to yourself also. It is so easy for us to become our own biggest critics, and doing so will stand directly in the way of being vulnerable and trying new things. One strategy that may help when you get to a point where you want to quit something new is by writing yourself a letter of compassion (Graf et al., 2008). Pretend you’re writing to a close friend who has just begun learning a new skill. How would you encourage them? What support would you offer? What perspectives would you ask them to take? Having this letter can be a good reminder of the compassion and empathy that you deserve and that will allow you to feel safe with yourself in the emotionally-exposed condition of trying something new.
For more vulnerability-fostering practices on self-compassion and perfectionism, visit our modules here and here, respectively.
It is my hope that whoever ends up reading this can find the grit and the vulnerability to courageously try something new, starting today. It could be anything from signing up for that yoga class you’ve been thinking about to trying a new recipe for dinner tonight. Whatever it is, trying new things can be a great way to bring vitality and variety to your life and to make new opportunities. Whatever you try, take heart knowing that no matter what the end result is, you will have taken a great step towards a more engaged lifestyle and an improved well-being.
“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember professionals built the Titanic but an amateur built the ark.
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References
Brown, B. (2017). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Books on Tape.
Datu, J. A. D. (2021). Beyond passion and perseverance: Review and future research initiatives on the science of grit. Frontiers in Psychology, 11. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.545526
Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087.
Graf, M. C., Gaudiano, B. A., & Geller, P. A. (2008). Written emotional disclosure: A controlled study of the benefits of expressive writing homework in outpatient psychotherapy. Psychotherapy Research, 18, 389–399.