By Jessica Sullivan
“We have a better chance of seeing where we are when we stop trying to get somewhere else.”
I was on my way to the Dominican Republic—a journey that required time away from my family, friends, and the privileged American lifestyle I was accustomed to. Over the course of the next year plus, I was expected to learn a new language, adapt to an entirely foreign culture, and take on a new persona. To put it mildly, I was terrified. Totally and utterly petrified.
While I nervously sat in the JFK Airport in New York during a layover, a quote on the wall written in big bold letters captured my attention. It read, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” I read over it a few times, trying to digest its implication and apply it to my particular situation.
I immediately dove into an opposed dichotomy of quote interpretation. I thought, “One THOUSAND miles and I am only on the first step?!? It is going to take me forever to get THERE!” (i.e., finish this journey in the Dominican Republic and come home). This thought prompted discouragement. Conversely, my other sentiment went something like this, “The journey ahead of me is so exciting, I am going to grow so much in the face of all these new challenges!” I could feel this thought stirring enthusiasm.
Pause the story for a moment—have you ever engaged in a dialogue with yourself that goes something like the one I just described? Clearly, one of these thought patterns (focusing on the end or the goal) can incite hopelessness while the other pattern (focusing on the journey or the values along the way) can prompt an encouraging perspective. In actuality, it is common to teeter between the two—but what if you could learn to adopt the latter paradigm in more of your mental dialogues? How would your life change? Would taking that “single step” in a long journey be more appealing to you?
As cliché as it is, “finding joy in the journey” really is essential to your overall well-being. (Lyubomirsky, 2010). Huge life events don’t usually deliver the blast of joy we expect them to—and even if they do, it’s likely short-lived. (Harris, 2015). Additionally, these spurts of joy are so few and far between that we’d spend most of our lives in anticipation rather than enjoying the process.
Put into positive psychology terms, “finding joy in the journey” can be broken down into various fields—the two this blog post will focus on include values and personal growth.
Values
Succinctly, values are the deepest desires of your heart; they provide a scaffolding for how you want to interact with others, yourself, and the world in general. Values are essential to a “joy in the journey” mentality because they are process oriented and not outcome specific. They are meant to provide meaningful direction and joy along the way instead of putting emphasis solely on the end, as goals often do. Values are typically described as one-word “core virtues” or “ethics” that capture what a person wants their life journey to be about (Salazar et al., n.d.).
In the case of my departure to the Dominican Republic, instead of focusing on the “there” (finishing the trip), emphasizing values would have allowed me to consciously focus on the process (learning Spanish, connecting with new people, adopting a different culture, etc.). These processes entail living by my values of growth, relationships, and curiosity the whole time. This subtle but decisive change allows for success, progress, and joy to be felt throughout and not just when the job is finished.
Personal Growth
In conjunction with values, an integral part of “finding joy in the journey” is growth. As human beings, we intuitively eschew stagnation. That’s why personal growth—actively cultivating or improving facets of ourselves—helps us to feel meaning and purpose to a fuller extent throughout life. Embracing personal growth means accepting and respecting the process; and especially acknowledging that good things take time. We all know that acorns don’t become oak trees overnight, or even in a few months. Yet, we often set ourselves up for failure by expecting the equivalent of an easy sow and a speedy reap. We want to believe acorns can become oak trees quicker than nature allows—and we get frustrated when we mistakenly perceive another as a mere “overnight” oak tree success.
Take the example of British rock sensation, the Beatles. In February of 1964, they came to the U.S. and appeared to be a swift success. However, upon breaking down their history, it becomes apparent that their success was anything but swift. The Beatles had been together since 1957, over seven years before their big debut in America. In 1960, they started playing in Hamburg, Germany—a lot. In an interview with John Lennon, he once claimed, “We played for 8 hours straight as opposed to our usual one hour back in Liverpool. We did this 7 days a week. We got better and developed more and more confidence as we did so.” They played over 270 nights in just over a year and a half, totaling 1200 shows, and thousands of hours!
Later dubbed “The Hamburg crucible”, the Beatles credited much of their success to this enormous period of growth (Gladwell, 2009). At the time, they of course didn’t know this experience would lead to international stardom, yet they loved to play and grew to love the process of progression.
“Timing, perseverance, and ten years of trying will eventually make you look like overnight success.
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So What?
At this point, you may be thinking, “Sounds cool and all…but how can I practically apply this to actually make a difference in my life?” The following suggestions will help you get started.
Choose Values that Epitomize Your Journey
Although all values emphasize the process and not necessarily the result, it is important to select values that resonate with you and what you want your “life journey” to be about. For example, if I were to have picked “comfort” as a value for my sojourn in the Dominican Republic, I would have been gravely disappointed because the experience wasn’t conducive to that sort of process, nor did I want it to be.
In short, be sure to define your values in a way that aligns with your overall objective—decisively select a few words that you want to characterize your whole process.
Adopt Personal Growth as A Core Value
Personal growth could be one of the best values to adopt in the context of taking a “joy in the journey perspective, actually. As previously mentioned, personal growth promotes holistic well-being (Lyubomirsky, 2010). For this reason, consciously deciding to embrace this value will help you on any journey you’re on.
The reality is, you are not done growing! Life requires us to stretch beyond our current capacities almost constantly—you might as well welcome growth and change early in the process. Various researchers show that it can encourage more “joy in the journey” (Lyubomirsky, 2010; Kugbey, 2018).
Focus on What You Are Learning Over Outcomes
Imagine what would have happened to the Beatles had they not prioritized effort, practice, and learning over their immediate success! Amidst a grueling process, it can be easy to think, “When will I get THERE?” But, if the journey really is (figuratively) 1,000 miles or more, placing emphasis on learning provides so much more continual fulfillment and joy than the destination.
Also, important to note, looking at the outcomes of others rarely helps—psychologists term these unhelpful comparisons as “upward” or “downward.” Meaning that whether you are comparing yourself to someone who lives your desired outcome, or someone who is in a worse circumstance than you, both can promote unhealthy mindsets (Yaple & Yu, 2020). Remember, nobody’s journey is the same—focus on your progress and growth over others’ outcomes.
Accept that “Failure” Promotes Additional Growth on the Journey
Falling short is never fun—but “failure” is paradoxically vital to growth—which in turn promotes joy throughout the journey (Lyubomirsky, 2010). It can be disappointing, embarrassing, and even painful to not immediately succeed.
The process of learning Spanish in the Dominican Republic was especially difficult for me because I was nervous to sound dumb to the natives. At one point, I stopped speaking out of fear of “failing.” One Dominican man boldly called me out, saying “paso a paso” or “step by step.” He then proceeded to say, “Learning is a long process, but you MUST keep taking those little steps forward. Keep speaking!” This caused me to reflect on the quote I saw at the airport at the beginning of my journey…“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” It hit me from a different perspective at that moment; I knew I had to make mistakes to grow.
Long after that initial experience, I finally realized that living by my values, and adopting failure as an integral part of personal growth is the way to find joy in any journey.
In short, decide for yourself—will “joy in the journey” be an over-hyped buzz phrase, or a powerful way to structure your life? Of course, I hope you’re persuaded to choose the latter after this read! For additional inspiration and ideas, check out our values (hyperlink) and personal growth (hyperlink) modules.
“The joy is not in arriving, but in getting better each time a new challenge is thrown your way, each time you learn in a new situation. Joy comes not from having a pain-free life but from conquering the obstacles, even when they are painful.”
References
Bekker, J., & Warren, J. (n.d.) Personal Growth. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/personal-growth-module
Gladwell, M. (2009). Outliers. Back Bay Books.
Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple: An easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy. New Harbinger.
Harris, R. [Dr. Russ Harris-Acceptance Commitment Therapy]. (2015, August 18). Values vs Goals [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-lRbuy4XtA
Kugbey, N., et al. (2018). Emotional Intelligence and Personal Growth Initiative Effects on Subjective Happiness Among University Students. Journal of Psychology in Africa, 28(4), 261–266. https://doi.org/10.1080/14330237.2018.1501894
Lyubomirsky, S. (2010). The How of Happiness. Piatkus Books.
Salazar, G., MacDonald, W., Sullivan, J., Myers, J., & Warren, J. (n.d.). Values. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/values
Yaple, Z. A., & Yu, R. (2020). Upward and Downward Comparisons Across Monetary and Status Domains. Human Brain Mapping, 41(16), 4662–4675. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.25148