Gratitude

Mystery Infomercial

Imagine coming across an infomercial already in progress, with an enthusiastic salesperson partway through a pitch like this: 

“... a TOTAL LIFE TRANSFORMATION!!! Feel happier! Live with more vitality! Improve your relationships with family and friends! Improve your blood pressure and immune functioning! Fight depression, anxiety, and addiction! Countless others can attest to dramatic and lasting benefits! Here’s what Norville had to say after just three weeks: ‘I was really surprised how much it helped. I just feel happier and more peaceful, like I’ve been blind for so long, but now I see so much of what I’ve been missing!’” 

Skeptical? Intrigued? Maybe you’d be on the edge of your seat, guessing out loud what they might be selling: “Some kind of exotic root extract?! Virtual reality goggles?! Medical marijuana?....” 

Gratitude probably wouldn’t be among your guesses, yet if a marketing specialist spent a little time with the research literature on gratitude, we could get something much like the above infomercial. We’re used to hearing “over-the-top” claims in sales and marketing, but the fact is that gratitude can deliver in all the ways described above, and more! In this module you’ll learn how gratitude is a vital component in promoting human flourishing, and what kinds of practices can help you cultivate an increased sense of gratitude in your life.

As a good starting point for what follows, please watch this 5-minute excerpt from Louie Schwartzberg's TED talk on Gratitude (starts at 4:25; narration by Brother David Steindl-Rast)

Introductory Exercise

If possible, first take a minute to just settle into the space where you are, taking a few deep and slow breaths, allowing any areas of physical tension to soften with each exhalation. Now, for a few minutes I want you to reflect on the benefits or gifts that you have received in your life. These gifts could be simple everyday pleasures, conveniences or freedoms you enjoy, people in your life, personal strengths or talents, moments of natural beauty, or gestures of kindness from others. We might not normally think about these things as gifts, but for this exercise see what it is like to think about them in this way. Take some time to really savor or relish these gifts, and think about their value. Then take the next five minutes to write your thoughts about these gifts.

Gratitude: What is it?

There’s the part of gratitude that we readily think of as being a polite social convention (e.g., expressing thanks to someone who has done something nice for us), but it’s much more than just a habit of saying “thank you.” Beyond the practical interpersonal applications, gratitude includes much broader transcendent aspects. We could describe gratitude as a habit of awareness and a pattern of thinking that recognizes and appreciates the fortunate aspects of our circumstances. In this way, gratitude really is an orientation to life, a perspective that is both humbling and energizing, in which we recognize that we occupy a highly unique and favored position that we did not "earn" ourselves. Even this day of life, this very moment, can be considered a gift deserving of appreciation. As we will examine in more detail, we can choose to cultivate this healthy perspective by practicing certain patterns of thought and action. 

Simply stated, then, gratitude is a felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life (Emmons & Shelton, 2002). Importantly, this sense of wonder and appreciation prompts us to act in prosocial ways that benefit ourselves as well as others (e.g., savoring fortunate circumstances, reciprocating others’ acts of kindness toward us, “paying it forward”). Consequently, as noted by gratitude researcher Robert Emmons: “Gratitude is important not only because it helps us feel good but also because it inspires us to do good” (Emmons, 2013, p. vii).       

In the positive psychology literature, gratitude has been described as a kind of “meta-strategy” in that it promotes well-being in and of itself, and also overlaps with and complements a number of other well-being strategies and characteristics of human flourishing. For example, gratitude is closely related to mindfulness, optimism, savoring, and interconnectedness; topics we also cover in detail in our framework of human flourishing. As such, a serious commitment to living gratefully may include studying and cultivating these other qualities as well.

Why is Gratitude Important?

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson is fond of noting that the human brain is like Teflon for good experiences and Velcro for bad ones. When things are going well in life, the most natural human response is to become accustomed to those good things and begin to take them for granted (see post on hedonic adaptation). Instead of dwelling on what's already going well, the brain is more likely to spend its resources looking out for potential threats to our well-being. If you have a long history of good health, for example, you may not think very often about how wonderful it is to be able to go about your day unimpeded by illness or disability. Instead, your mind may be more occupied with thoughts like "What are these wrinkles around my eyes?" or "Does it look like I have a double chin?" It's easy to forget how good we have it health-wise, until a personal illness or injury (or that of someone near us) serves as a reminder that good health really is a gift. Things could be very different, and not in a good way.

This default orientation to forget what is going well (and focus on what we think may not be) served a purpose in our evolutionary history; it helped our ancestors survive in much more threatening environments than we live in today. It's another example of how the human brain is wired more for surviving than for thriving. That said, we don't have to settle for what our default wiring offers. It's important to understand that our day-to-day well-being can be considerably enhanced by learning not to forget the many fortunate aspects of our circumstances.   

In the research literature, gratitude is one of the personality traits most strongly related to good mental health and overall life satisfaction--more so even than traits such as optimism, compassion, or hopefulness. A wealth of research (e.g., Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Emmons & Mishra, 2011; Grant & Gino, 2010; Lyubomirsky, 2007) indicates that gratitude is associated with higher levels of happiness, hopefulness, energy, and other positive emotions. Grateful people tend to be more helpful, generous, and forgiving, and have greater empathy toward others. They tend to be less materialistic (i.e., less emphasis placed on material goods; less envious; more likely to share resources with others). Not surprisingly, gratitude is also associated with lower levels of depression, anxiety, stress, and loneliness.

Could it just be the case that people who are happier to begin with are more grateful? There is some evidence that there is a genetic contribution to dispositional gratitude; however, experimental research makes it clear that gratitude can be cultivated, which results in increased happiness and other positive outcomes. For example:

• Emmons and McCullough (2003) asked participants to write down five things they were grateful for (once a week). Compared to participants in a control condition, after 10 weeks these individuals reported more optimism and life satisfaction. Interestingly, they also fared better on a number physical health variables, including fewer headaches and increased exercise.
• Seligman and colleagues (2005) gave participants one week to write and then deliver (in person) a letter of gratitude to someone who had changed their lives for the better, but whom they had never properly thanked. Compared to controls, these individuals reported significantly more happiness and fewer depressive symptoms, with effects lasting at least a month afterwards. See the SoulPancake video below for a nice variation on this study.           
• Lyubomirsky (2007) reported results of an intervention in which participants kept a gratitude journal for six weeks (contemplating and writing down things they were grateful for; different groups being assigned different intervals for writing). This simple strategy was effective in increasing thankfulness and appreciation, as well as yielding higher levels of happiness compared to controls. Interestingly, in this study the effect was observed for those who wrote in the gratitude journal once per week, but not for those who were assigned to write more frequently. It may have been that those asked to write more frequently than each week became bored with the practice or accommodated to the routine. An important implication for this finding is ensuring that gratitude activities are carried out with opportunities for variety or novelty (more on this later).  

To summarize, research examining the impact of gratitude interventions (e.g., journals, letters, visits) indicates that these simple practices tend to result in small but meaningful improvements in personal well-being (Davis et al., 2016). Watch the following video to see a variation on Seligman's gratitude letter study, and how even a simple exercise like this can be a deeply touching experience for those involved: 

Why/How Gratitude Boosts Happiness

Why does gratitude appear to contribute to so many positive outcomes for a person? How does having an "attitude of gratitude" actually lead to greater happiness? Sonja Lyubomirsky, a leading researcher in positive psychology, offers a number of explanations for why gratitude appears to be so important in promoting well-being (2013):

• Grateful living promotes the savoring of positive life experiences. Gratitude is very present-oriented; it helps us pay attention to and relish the things that are going right in life, right now.
• Gratitude facilitates positive emotions including confidence, self-worth, and self-efficacy.
• Practicing gratitude can be a constructive coping behavior in the face of stress and trauma. It may help a person to reinterpret or reframe negative life events in more adaptive ways. For example, a person injured in a serious car accident may focus on the gratitude they feel for surviving the accident, and for the outpouring of support received.
• Gratitude encourages prosocial and moral behavior. Grateful people are more likely to help others, due to a natural desire to reciprocate kindnesses received.  They are also less materialistic; they appreciate what they have, and are more likely to feel that they already live in a state of abundance.
• Gratitude strengthens supportive relationships, enhancing one's sense of interconnectedness with others. Feeling and expressing gratitude for valued relationships can create an "upward spiral" in which a person is likely to treat friends and family members with greater kindness, eliciting further support from them in a kind of positive feedback loop. In addition, grateful people tend to bring out positive reactions from others and are more likely to attract new friends.
• A grateful attitude works against envy and unhelpful comparisons with others. Regularly acknowledging your fortunate circumstances leaves less room for wanting what others have.
• Practicing gratitude also appears to diminish unhealthy expressions of feelings like anger, jealousy, and bitterness. The perspective of a grateful attitude seems to give an expanded context to emotional situations, buying us some time to choose how we'd like to respond.
• Importantly, gratitude helps thwart hedonic adaptation--the tendency for us to adapt fairly quickly to a positive new event or circumstance in our lives. It is a normal human response to adjust fairly rapidly to new circumstances, good or bad. However, a characteristic of human flourishing is learning to not take positive circumstances for granted. Practicing gratitude can directly counteract hedonic adaptation, allowing us to bask in the extended glow of any and all gifts in life that we choose to recognize.

More on Grateful Living

Most of the research on gratitude has focused on how simple strategies (like keeping a gratitude journal) can boost a person's happiness. However, it might be best to view these practices as first steps toward cultivating a grateful mindset in which we train ourselves to more frequently notice and appreciate the good in our lives. This in turn has positive consequences beyond our own personal well-being.

Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, author and positive psychologist, emphasizes that the word "appreciate" has two meanings: to be grateful for something, and to increase in value. When we appreciate the good in our lives, the good appreciates--it increases in value.  

Brother David Steindl-Rast, monk and interfaith scholar, says “Grateful living, that is the thing. It happens by experience, by becoming aware that every moment is a given moment; you haven’t earned it or brought it about in any way... and yet it’s the most valuable thing that can be given to you. If you didn’t have this present moment you wouldn’t have any opportunity to do anything or experience anything. And this moment is a gift. The gift is really the opportunity, not the thing that is given to you. Opportunity is the gift within every gift.”

Gratitude Strategies Menu

What follows are some of the best strategies available for cultivating gratitude. With whatever strategies you choose, keep in mind that the best success is likely to come by introducing some variety and creativity into your approach. That may mean varying the specific strategies you use each day, or varying the focus of gratitude within a strategy. What you don't want is for your efforts to become stale or overly predictable. So, try out as many strategies as you can, and keep it fresh! 

1. Gratitude Journal

Keeping a regular gratitude journal is a great way to train your mind to notice the good in life. Robert Emmons is the foremost author and researcher on gratitude journaling. If this strategy interests you, I strongly encourage you to get his book Gratitude Works!: A 21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity.  Many of his recommendations for gratitude journaling are summarized below. There are many variations to this practice, and there isn't one right way to do it. What is important is that you are establishing a regular practice of paying attention to gratitude-inspiring events, and in this case, writing them down. It is believed that the act of writing down what you are grateful for may help with organizing your thoughts and finding deeper meaning in the "gifts" that this day has presented.

The instructions are simple: At least every other day, take 5-10 minutes to write down at least 3 things you are grateful for, including why you are grateful for each thing. Be specific, going for depth over breadth. It's not just a list; it's a an opportunity for reflecting on and savoring the gifts you've been given. In addition, consider the following suggestions that are based on research and anecdotal experience:

• Pick a specific time for writing and stick to it (morning or evening works best).
• It's ok to repeat items from previous days, but elaborate on what you've written before.
• If it helps maintain a sense of variety and novelty, each time you write you can focus on a specific category of things you are grateful for, and cycle through these categories (e.g., relationships, material comforts, opportunities you've been given, personal gifts or talents, kindnesses received, tragedies averted, etc.).
• Try to include some surprises; what positive events or benefits did you not see coming today?
• Think about the people to whom you are grateful and why. Who deserves your thanks? Similarly, think about those who have helped people you love. 
• Think about negative events, outcomes, or losses that you avoided, or consider something negative you experienced that could have been even worse.

2. Gratitude Letters. (pdf instructions from Greater Good Science Center; 1 letter/week for 6 weeks):

Please take a moment to think back over the past several years of your life and remember an instance when someone did something for you for which you are extremely grateful. For example, think of the people – parents, relatives, friends, teachers, coaches, teammates, employers, and so on – who have been especially kind to you but have never heard you express your gratitude. Although you should try to write your letter of gratitude to a new person each week, if you prefer, you can write another letter to the same person you wrote to previously.

Now, for the next 10 minutes, write a letter to one of these individuals. Use the instructions below to help guide you through this process:

1. Use whatever letter format you like, but remember to write as though you are directly addressing the individual you are grateful to. If it is helpful to head the letter “Dear so-and-so,” or end with “Sincerely, XXX,” feel free to do so.
2. Do not worry about perfect grammar and spelling.
3. Describe in specific terms why you are grateful to this individual and how the individual’s behavior affected your life.
4. Describe what you are doing now and how you often remember their efforts.
5. Write a letter like this once a week for six weeks.

3. Cultivating Gratitude: Using Random Reminders. This may be a particularly important strategy for developing the habit of grateful living. This method involves setting your smartphone to give you 2-3 reminder notifications each day as a prompt to take a moment to reflect on something you are grateful for. When the reminder comes up, ask yourself the question: "What can I be grateful for in this moment?" or "What gifts am I able to see now, for which I choose to be grateful?” 

Let technology be your friend with this strategy. If you have a smartphone, there are a number of apps that can be used to set random reminders, usually within a timeframe you designate. For iOS, a couple examples are Good Habit Maker (very simple) and Balanced (which I love for this and other purposes). For Android, check out Just Reminder or Randomly RemindMe. Or, just do an app search with key words "random reminders." Alternatively, at the beginning of the day you could set a timer (on your phone, or in your home) to go off in 2-3 hours as your prompt. Do your gratitude reflection when the timer goes off, then set the timer again for a few hours later. Repeat as desired. Whatever procedure works for you is fine; the idea is simply to use the 2-3 reminders each day as a way to train your mind to be more observant of opportunities for gratitude. 

3. Informal Opportunities for Gratitude. Think about and follow through with your own ideas for practicing gratitude, including expressing gratitude to others. For example, in a family dinner setting, you could periodically pick one person for whom the others note something that they appreciate (our family does this routinely at birthday dinners, but something more frequent than that is even better). Maybe you decide on a specific day of the week where every time you're stopped at a red light you see what you can think of for which you are grateful. How about hiding simple notes of appreciation in lunch bags, coats, or books of family members or friends? On a date with your significant other, reveal your list of Top 10 things that you appreciate about him or her. Use your imagination! Watch this video to see some of the beautiful magic that happens when we express appreciation to others:

5. Prompts for writing/reflection:

Using a journal or another place where you can write and revisit your thoughts, reflect on the following prompts and write about what comes to mind: 

• Remember a reversal of fortune, a time in your life when something outside your control permitted a difficult challenge to be overcome. Or, think of a “close call” in which circumstances were beyond your control, and potential tragedy was averted. 
• In as many ways as possible, think about how your circumstances could be much less favorable than they are. Consider those alternative unfavorable circumstances in detail, and compare them to your current reality.
• Think about some of the most positive things in your life, the things you cherish most. What would your life be like right now without those things? Now think about how much richer your life is with these things.
• List as many things as you can that are going right in your life right now.

5. Watch this video and follow the instructions for another variation on writing down things you are grateful for and expressing gratitude to others:

6. Try the 21 Days of Gratitude app for a well-structured combination of many of the strategies discussed above. Here it is for Android and iPhone

Your Personal Experiment

• Starting today, and for each of the next 21 days, spend at least 15-20 minutes learning about and cultivating your capacity for grateful living.
• For the first 7 days, immerse yourself in the resources provided in this module, and experiment with as many of the different strategies as you can.
• For the remaining days, focus on the strategies and practices that resonate most with you.
• Continue to research the topic in greater depth each day, but be sure to do something every day to practice gratitude.
• Record a few notes about what you did each day in your journal or use this Well-Being Strategies Tracker form.
• At the end of the 21 days, go back and re-take the Gratitude Questionnaire to see how you're doing!
• Finally, moving forward, make a plan for how you will continue to cultivate and practice gratitude in your life.
• Share your successes with us here: https://www.facebook.com/mybestself101/

Resources for Further Study

Robert Emmons' excellent book: Gratitude Works!: A 21 Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity

A Network for Grateful Living: www.gratefulness.org

Feedback

Was this module on Gratitude helpful for you? Do you have suggestions for making it better? Do you have other resources or personal examples you'd like to share? Please share your comments and suggestions through this anonymous survey link. We are SO GRATEFUL for your feedback! :)