Purpose

Larissa's Story

By age 20, Larissa was already deeply familiar with heartbreak and tragedy. In high school, she lost a long-time friend to leukemia; over the course of her freshman year in college, three of her sorority sisters were killed in separate tragic accidents. In spite of her generally happy and hopeful personality, these deeply sobering experiences prompted unbearable sadness and confusion. Her mind was consumed by questions: Why had her friends been taken? Why was she still here? What is this life for, anyway? 

Larissa related, "Eventually I came to realize that I probably would never understand the reasons behind these young women's untimely deaths. And as time passed, I became less focused on why they had died, and more concerned with why and how I should live.... I came to believe that with the gift of life comes the responsibility to live in a manner that allows for the realization of one's unique capacity for greatness--for the fulfillment of one's unique purpose" (Rainey, 2014).

Introductory Exercise          

Let’s start with a simple 10-minute exercise. For each of the three items below: read the question to yourself, reflect on it for a few minutes, and write down whatever comes to your mind. Do this separately for each question.

“What do I want my life to be about?”

“If anything were possible, what would I like to see in my life?”

“What do I want to offer to the world?”

OK, what was that exercise like for you? Did responses come easily, or was it hard to write anything down at all? With the thoughts you did record, how do you feel about them? Looking at what you wrote, does it generate strong feelings of satisfaction and motivation? Does what you wrote have clear implications for how you will act and how you should spend your time? Is it really YOU, or more what you think others would want from you? The objective of this lesson is to help you reflect on and clearly articulate your current life purpose, providing you with an anchor to manage life’s challenges and distractions, and a compass for living an authentic, rich, and meaningful life.

What do we mean by “Purpose”?

Questions relating to purpose are among the deepest and most profound we can ask. Answers to such questions are often elusive, but are easier to find when we ask the question in the most helpful way. Take a moment to consider this question: “What is the meaning of life?” You might be thinking, “What do you mean by that?” It’s a fairly nebulous question, and one that could yield all kinds of answers, or maybe none at all. Here’s one humorous take on this question from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

So, there you go; the answer is, of course, 42. Jesting aside, contrast the question “What is the meaning of life?” with this one: “What should I do to live a fulfilling and meaningful life?” Both questions relate to purpose, though as explained by psychologist Jonathan Haidt, the first is asking about the purpose of life (“Why are we here?”) while the second deals with purpose within life (“How ought I to live?”). Global questions about the purpose of life are concerned with the meaning of life itself; pursuing answers to these questions is typically the work of philosophy and theology. Questions about purpose within life are much more personal and individualistic, and are concerned with the idea of a life well-lived. Although philosophy and theology also have much to say about purpose within life (how one ought to live), this second form of the question lends itself very well to empirical research. Researchers in the area of positive psychology, for example, have begun to elucidate the key components of human flourishing, including how a stronger sense of life purpose contributes to well-being. For these reasons, our focus will be on purpose within life: an individual’s personal aspirations for how to live so as to experience joy and fulfillment. 

A more elaborate definition of purpose emerges from the work of the many theorists and researchers that have explored this construct. As one would expect, definitions vary somewhat across authors, but several common components repeatedly emerge that have a bearing on how one might articulate a useful life purpose. Essentially, purpose can be defined as one or more consistent and central life aims that: 1) emerge from one’s unique strengths and interests, 2) generate goals for the future that guide current actions, 3) are personally meaningful while facilitating one’s connection to someone or something outside the self, and 4) are deliberately chosen and pursued (Rainey, 2014). In other words, purpose is your personally-derived, authentic set of life aims that guides your behavior, pulls you into the future, and gives meaning to life.             

Before reviewing the benefits of purpose and the process of articulating your own purpose, it’s helpful to note how this term relates to two similar constructs: meaning and values. Purpose is often used synonymously with meaning, or is considered a contributor to meaning (e.g., Frankl, 1963;  Seligman, 2011). When a distinction is made between these two terms, purpose is more often used to describe how an individual connects the present to the future; that is, purpose tends to be motivational and action-oriented (Rockind, 2011). Meaning, on the other hand, is more about cognitive connections and a sense of coherence, particularly connecting the present with the past. It provides one with the feeling that life “makes sense” (Heintzelman & King, 2014; Hicks, Cicero, Trent, Curton, & King, 2010). Even in making these distinctions, it is likely that there is a close bi-directional relationship between these two constructs; one can find meaning through pursuing purpose, and purpose can be informed by experiencing meaning.

Purpose is also closely related to an individual’s life values. As described in another lesson, values refer to our desires to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves in certain ways. Russ Harris (2009) describes values as “what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of person we want to be, what sort of strengths and qualities we want to develop” (p. 191). Consequently, both purpose and values are characterized as being guides for living that are personalized, aspirational, and action-oriented. In my own readings and experience, I’ve observed that one’s purpose tends to revolve around a single theme or closely related set of themes, and addresses more the what and why questions in our lives. The process of articulating values tends to allow more detailed descriptions of the qualities we’d like to cultivate, and fleshes out more of how we’d like to live. In my mind, purpose and values are simply two complementary facets of our efforts to live intentionally; to live a life illuminated by the “big picture” of what we want most out of life. I’ve found it very rewarding to spend time exploring both purpose and values, and encourage you to do the same.

Why Purpose Matters

A clear sense of purpose in life is invaluable. Viktor Frankl, eminent psychiatrist and World War II concentration camp survivor, emphasized how a sense of purpose can help individuals navigate even the most difficult and demoralizing of circumstances. His description of life in Nazi Auschwitz (Man’s Search for Meaning; 1946) illustrated the truth of Neitzsche’s statement: “Those who have a 'why' to live for, can bear with almost any 'how'.” According to Frankl, “There is nothing in the world . . . that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is a meaning in one’s life.” 

Frankl’s experience and observations are supported by more recent theory and research. Martin Seligman, the most prominent figure in positive psychology, emphasizes that a sense of meaning and purpose is a central component of a person’s well-being and happiness (Seligman, 2002). Considerable research indicates that a stronger sense of purpose is associated with higher overall well-being, optimism, happiness, physical health, life satisfaction, and reduced risk for emotional problems (Bonebright, Clay, & Akenmann, 2000; Hill & Turiano, 2014; Park, Park, & Peterson, 2010; Steger, Kashdan, Sullivan, & Lorentz, 2008; Steger, Oishi, & Kashdan, 2009).   

It’s particularly interesting that having a stronger sense of purpose is related to so many physiological variables and outcomes. Purpose not only helps you live happier, it helps you live longer (Boyle, Barnes, Buchman, & Bennett, 2009; Hill & Turiano, 2014; Krause, 2009). A stronger sense of purpose is associated with better immune functioning, better cardiovascular functioning, reduced Alzheimer's risk, and slower decline of cognitive functioning (citations). Why and how purpose appears to lead to so many positive outcomes is still being studied, but it’s fascinating that having a stronger sense of purpose helps you to "live long and prosper"!

Is Purpose “Found”?

It’s common to hear people talk about wanting to “find” their purpose (as if it’s hidden or buried somewhere and they just need to keep looking and digging). As is the case with our own happiness and well-being, purpose isn’t “found” as much as it is created. I think it’s most helpful to understand the “search” for purpose as a process of creating, choosing or defining our own purpose. Consider these words from Viktor Frankl:

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

To me, this means that we create purpose and meaning through our own intentions and actions. Purpose becomes the extrinsic manifestation (our patterns of behavior) of intrinsic wishes (our most authentic life aims). Purpose ensues from our own deepest desires. If there’s any “finding” of purpose, it’s simply the process of uncovering those deepest desires so that we can articulate them and regularly align our behaviors and goals with them. Your purpose is your answer to life. 

This means that your purpose is up to you! This can be a scary prospect; it would be much easier if our purpose was clearly defined for us or given to us by someone else. The struggle for purpose can create significant anxiety. It’s very common for a person to wonder, for example, “Is this my purpose? How will I know if I’ve really found my ‘true’ purpose?” First, if this process creates significant anxiety or distress for you, know that you’re not alone. Hang in there! The sections that follow will give you lots of resources to help you through this process. Researchers have studied the concept of “purpose anxiety,” and findings suggest that while the process can be very stressful, efforts at defining one’s purpose are ultimately very satisfying (Rainey, 2014). Further, I don’t think we should assume that we have just one golden, unchanging life purpose to “find” anyway. Our understanding, insights, and interests expand and change with life experience, and we need to leave room for growth in the purposes we define for ourselves. Different phases of life likely call for different emphases in our life aims. Knowing this helps us to be flexible in defining our purpose, and works against the thought that there is a single, transcendent, set-in-stone life purpose that we must find and pursue.

Guidelines for Defining your Purpose:

There is no specific format or structure you need to use in writing down your purpose. What it looks like is up to you. For some people, just a few words can capture the essence of their purpose; others find it more helpful to use a series of short phrases or sentences. A good place to start is to simply write down notes and thoughts that come from the purpose-related questions and prompts in the exercises below, and look for themes that emerge. Continue to revisit these themes and make refinements to the wording as you see fit. Remember, this isn't to be chiseled in stone, and your purpose may never be "finished." You will know you're on the right track in articulating your purpose when you read it and it generates strong feelings of satisfaction, authenticity, motivation, and resonance.

To illustrate a few options in terms of format, I don't mind sharing with you a few versions of my my life purpose that I've used over the years. Most recently, I've used the following:

My Purpose is to:

• Live Mindfully and Wholeheartedly
• Learn, Create, and Savor
• Cultivate Peace and Flourishing
• Nurture my Love for Life

At other times I've used a longer set of more descriptive phrases. For example, I have a lengthy 9-point version, but for the sake of brevity I'll include just a few of those points:

• To live courageously; to act in accordance with my values in spite of fear, discomfort, fatigue, or self-doubt. I will face whatever I fear.
• To persistently nurture growth in myself, my family, and others.
• To nurture meaningful connections with others, appreciating oneness and interdependence.
• To notice and appreciate the beauty in the world and in other people, and to help others appreciate that beauty.
• To savor this moment of life.

Finally, in the past I've also often used just this short one-line purpose:

•  To grow, and help others to grow. 

Once you've started with some of the exercises below, pause every now and then to review what you have and ask yourself:

• Is this really me, or what I think others want from me?
• Do these words provide me with a highly valued direction for living my life?
• What would my life be like if I lived precisely according to these intentions? (How does it make you feel to imagine this?)
• Is what you've written highly motivating? Does it fuel the fire within you to want to live this way? Does it have Heart and Power for you? Parenthetically, Steve Pavlina has a purpose exercise in which the instructions are essentially to sit down and write phrases that summarize your life purpose, and to keep doing this until you write the answer that makes you cry. He estimates that this should happen for 80-90% of people within one hour. It didn't work that way for me, but why not give it a try? The point is that there should be some kind of emotional, visceral, spiritual, and/or highly resonant response in you that says "YES!!! This is what I want my life to be about!"       

One last thought related to the specificity of purpose: You might notice that a broad, all-encompassing life purpose emerges for you, but also have one or more "sub-purposes" related to your current life phase or circumstances. This is totally fine, of course. For example, I would say that a current sub-purpose for me is to: Help others make use of the best available resources to live a rich, full, meaningful life. What you want to avoid with this is turning a purpose into a goal (setting goals is a different process). Purpose is like a compass needle; it points you in a valued direction, but you'd never really say you've "arrived." Goals are like physical landmarks that you target along the way that are in line with your intended direction. A goal is something that can be completed and checked off a list; however, while there are daily applications for purpose (and values), we're never really "finished."      

Exercises for Defining your Purpose:

Questions for meditation/reflection.  Find a quiet place and set aside some time to reflect on one or more of these questions. One approach is to start with just a couple of the questions that strike a chord with you, giving yourself plenty of time to observe whatever comes up in your mind. When you feel like it, just start writing down any thoughts that are leaving strong impressions. Write for as long as it takes to get it all out. Then let it sit for at least a day, and come back to the questions and what you have written and see if anything new comes up. If you feel like you're finished with meaningful responses to a question, go ahead and repeat the process with a new one, but periodically go back to earlier questions you liked to see if you want to make any additions or refinements.  

• “What do I want my life to be about?”
• “What do I want out of life?”
• “If anything were possible, what would I like to see in my life?” [see yourself in the future having this in your life]
• “What do I want to offer to the world?” 
• “To live a life of flourishing, what am I willing to let go of?”
• "Where is MY PATH? - The path with a heart?"
• “What is it on this planet that needs doing that I know something about, that probably won’t happen unless I take responsibility for it?”
• "What message do I want to be attached to my existence?"
• “What is my Job on this planet, (with a capital J)?”
• "What are my personal strengths, and how could I use them in ways that would bring me the greatest satisfaction?"
• “How would I like to use my unique gifts or strengths to make the world a better place?”
• Envision your “ideal life”; a life of flourishing. What is this life like? Describe what you are doing in this vision of your ideal life.

Dream/Vision List:

Think about what you want to see, do, experience, be, and have in the course of your life. Some of these may be in the next week or month, some may be more long-term items. List at least 20 things, then look for patterns. This will give you an idea of your higher order goals and serve as a start for defining your purpose.

Your Eulogy:

Many variations of this exercise have been proposed; here is a version that may help you identify themes for what you really want your life to be about. 

Life Review:

Personal Experiment:

Starting now, and each day for the next 7 days, spend 20-30 minutes experimenting with some of the questions and exercises above for reflecting on and defining your life purpose (or come up with your own strategy/questions). Record your thoughts and notes about your purpose in a separate, secure place that you can access quickly and frequently (e.g., on a Google doc or note on your smartphone). Explore  

Resources for Further Study

Alan Watts on living the life you desire:

7 TED talks to help you find your purpose:

http://www.ted.com/playlists/313/talks_to_help_you_find_your_pu

Book by Matthew McKay et al.: Your Life on Purpose: How to Find What Matters and Create the Life You Want:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1572249056/ 

Article highlighting Victor J. Strecher’s Book Life on Purpose:

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/living_with_a_purpose_changes_everything 

Steve Pavlina articles on purpose:

http://www.stevepavlina.com/?s=purpose

Purpose and Passion in relation to your Career:

http://www.liveinthegrey.com/passion-101-discover-your-passion-life/

Todd Kashdan (psychologist/researcher) on how purpose influences health and well-being:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/curious/201502/what-do-scientists-know-about-finding-purpose-in-life

Brainpickings.org selections on “How to Find Your Purpose and Do What You Love”:

https://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/02/27/purpose-work-love/ 

Intentional Insights: Resources on finding purpose:

http://intentionalinsights.org/findyourpurpose