The Default Pessimistic Brain
“We see what we look for and we miss much of what we are not looking for even though it’s there… Our experience of the world is heavily influenced by where we place our attention. ”
The “dark side” (the negative in our experiences) may not actually be stronger, but because of the way we are built (our tendency to see the negative in our experiences), it seems like it is. We humans come pre-wired to be negative. We have brains that are built to keep us alive—wired for preservation and protection. The nervous system evolved to help our ancestors make split second survival decisions; to approach a reward or avoid a danger. A day in the life of our human ancestors was a mix of seeking after food and procreation, and avoiding tigers and the hostile neighboring tribe. Psychologist Rick Hanson refers to this approach-avoidance system as pursuing carrots and ducking sticks. Both are essential, he explains, but there is a key difference between a carrot and a stick. “If you miss out on a carrot today, you’ll have a chance at more carrots tomorrow. But if you fail to avoid a stick today – WHAP! – no more carrots forever. Compared to carrots, sticks usually have more urgency and impact” (Hanson, 2014). As a result, our brains respond to threats (or unpleasantness) faster and stronger than to opportunities and pleasures. We are built to learn faster from negative events and weigh the negative as more important than the positive.
Hanson makes the point that the amygdala, the alarm center of the brain, uses most (about two thirds) of its neurons to look out for negative events and then quickly stores them into long-term memory. Good events, on the other hand, are much harder to remember. They must be held in awareness for a dozen or more seconds before they are transferred to storage. He also highlights the fact that we have the ability to feel intense pain from any part of our body, but intense pleasure from only a specific few regions. Studies show people react to angry faces faster than happy ones, even when the pictures are flashed on the screen so quickly that only the subconscious recognizes them (Hanson, n.d.).
Hanson observes, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences but Teflon for positive ones” (Hanson, 2014). As a result of this well-intentioned survival instinct, today’s humans not only overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities, but we also underestimate our own ability to deal with these threats and take advantage of our opportunities.
Consider your last commute. Do you remember the hundreds of cars who politely stayed in their lane, stopped at their red lights, and didn’t run into you? Or do you remember the one sap who tailed you too closely? That’s your evolutionary negativity bias in action. We’re walking around with a brain determined to keep us on edge, in fear, and focused on the bad. If you pay attention throughout your day, you might be surprised to notice the ways you are wired to focus on the one negative thing among the hundreds of positive or neutral, like the way your mind might dwell on a single social slight—“I waited a full minute before that receptionist even acknowledged me”—and overlook or devalue the many positive or neutral human interactions in your day. The good news is that as we learn to recognize the built-in negativity as largely inaccurate, overblown thoughts from a primitive time, we can more easily devalue them, and act from a more balanced mind setting.
Some of us are more afflicted by the negativity bias than others. You’ve heard of left vs. right brained people. Jonathan Haidt (2006), author of The Happiness Hypothesis, explains that it has long been known from studies of brain waves that most people show more activity in either the right or left frontal cortex. People who show more activity of certain types of brainwaves in the left side report feeling more happiness in their daily lives, less fear, less anxiety, shame and depression, and they recover more quickly from negative experiences. The difference in left and right brained people can be observed from infancy. Babies who show more activity in the right side grow into toddlers who are more anxious in new situations, to teenagers who are more likely to be fearful in dating and social situations, and finally adults who are more likely to need therapy to loosen up and help them deal with an overactive avoidance system (Haidt, 2006). So, on top of the negativity bias that is built in to all humans, some of us have the extra challenge of an overprotective helicopter parent—Mother Nature—in the form of a right brain incessantly calling out needless warnings.
What does it take to tip the scales from a negative to a positive overall outlook? It would seem rational that someone who experiences one positive emotion for every one negative emotion would be balanced, right? Nope, these people are clinically depressed or suffer from personality disorders. Research by Barbara Fredrickson shows that most of us (80%) have a 2-to-1 ratio (2 positive emotions for every 1 negative) and are just doing okay in the happiness department. It’s not until a person experiences 3 heartfelt positive emotions to every 1 negative that they report feelings of flourishing (Fredrickson, 2009). (Take a positivity self test at www.positivityratio.com). And for a relationship to flourish the ratio is even greater. In marital interactions it takes at least five positive actions to make up for the damage done by one negative act (Olds & Milner, 1954). Considering our built in tendency to focus on the negative, it’s clear that effort is required to balance the scales and tip into positive well-being.
Watch this video with positivity expert Barbara Fredrickson explaining the optimal ratio of positive vs. negative experiences for flourishing.