Developing Optimism

And now we’ve come to the good part. Of course no one wants to be a miserable pessimist, but how do you tip the scales to a bright outlook? If only it was as easy as flipping a switch. It’s not. Neuroscience research suggests that we don’t control every thought that pops up in our awareness. We have brains that are wired to keep us alive, wired for preservation and protection. Like the heart’s job is to pump blood to keep us alive, the brain’s job is to pump thoughts to keep us alive. It supplies true thoughts, distorted thoughts, helpful thoughts, unhelpful thoughts, optimistic thoughts, pessimistic thoughts. These come during all hours of the day, and even in our dreams. However, it’s important to remember that you are not your thoughts. The idea that there is one self that is authoring these thoughts is an illusion. In a sense, there is a whole committee of people up there in your noggin’ hankered and loud about your needs, and what pops out is the loudest committee member at the time. Which, often for many of us, is the one shouting, “You’re stupid. And this is hopeless”. It’s not a simple choice of deciding once and for all to flip a switch to a positive outlook. It’s not even deciding once every morning as you roll out of bed to look for silver linings today. It’s more like driving a car with a misalignment that is steering over into the gully of fear and negativity, and if you want to drive straight, you’ll need to learn to consistently make the effort to pull the wheel back to center, thought after thought, moment after moment. 

To be clear, optimism is not suppressing negative thoughts and feelings. That would be detrimental. As Chris Germer (as cited by Pelt, 2013) notes, “We send our feelings down to the basement and they lift weights” (p.). Instead of trying to push away negative thoughts, imagine sitting back and watching your positive and negative thoughts and feelings as if they were weather in the sky; taking shape, forming into something new, sometimes bright, sometimes stormy, eventually dispersing or passing through. Imagine yourself as a curious, compassionate scientist observing your thoughts. We can know that these pessimistic thoughts are there, notice them as they come, make space for them, but if we don’t feed them, eventually they will fade to the background on their own. We can’t always control our thoughts, but we can direct where the spotlight of attention lands. That’s what you are–the spotlight of your attention. Developing the practice of scanning the inner stage and directing the spotlight on those things that are most beneficial lays down new neurological pathways and overtime molds the direction of our thoughts that come up. This is how optimism is developed and how it becomes second nature.

Human brains have a feature called neuroplasticity, which means that under the right conditions, the form of the brain can be reshaped to new uses. Neuropsychologist Donald Hebb first used the phrase, “Neurons that fire together, wire together” (Cooper et al., 2013). to describe how brain pathways are built and reinforced through repetition. Neuroplasticity means that our brains are physically changed by the information that goes through it. We can use self-directed neuroplasticity to focus attention on those things that support us and over time change our circuitry. This means that not only can the architecture of your brain be redesigned, but the architect can be YOU. 

Positivity expert Barbara Fredrickson (2009) explains that “we have tremendous influence over who we are becoming”. The traditional Buddhist saying, “The mind takes the shape of what it rests upon” means that we become what we repeatedly pay attention to.  Fredrickson suggests that our habitual patterns of thought are pivotal and a key way to increase optimism is to simply notice positive aspects of your daily circumstances. She suggests that we stop to notice and take in that gorgeous blooming tree. Pause for a moment and appreciate the good intentions of a friend. Even the unfavorable circumstances in life are not wholly, completely, 100% bad. Researchers studying bereavement have found that people who experience at least some positive feelings when experiencing loss (like remembering the good qualities of their lost loved one, and being grateful for the care of loved ones still present) alongside their grief, recover much faster (Fredrickson, 2009).

Optimism can be cultivated through Mindfulness, a skill that is learned and practiced by focusing on the present moment and being experientially open. Recall the right vs. left brain optimism traits we covered earlier. One study assigned one group of people to begin a practice of mindfulness meditation and another to a control group. Both groups were tested before and after the study by wearing a cap that monitored their brain activity. Those who meditated had increased brain activity in the left side immediately after the training and sustained the activity four months later. Remember that activity in the left side is linked to greater positivity (Fredrickson, 2009; Lybomirsky, 2008). This is fabulous news for born right brainers. We can meditate our way to optimism.

You can also increase optimism by finding the great within the good (see Savoring). Take the example of preparing a meal. You slow down, not analyzing or dissecting, just fully absorbing and attending mindfully to the smell of the green pepper as you chop, the background sounds of your family mulling about, the way the water sparkles in the sink. Fredrickson (2007) notes that optimists savor the good things in their lives before, during and after the fact. They look forward to it, drink it in while it’s happening, and afterward replay it in their minds. “That was so wonderful”. People who savor extract more positivity from life, relish it, and deeply appreciate each of it’s facets (Fredrickson, 2007). With savoring, the good gets even better, and the brain builds stronger pathways toward optimism.

Another pathway to optimism is through Self-Compassion. With self-compassion we can more skillfully cope with the negative thoughts and harsh criticism our brains feed us. With a healthy awareness of thoughts and emotions and the ability to give ourselves the kindness and acceptance we need to move through a challenge, we have reason to be optimistic because we know we can count on ourselves for comfort whenever we need it. We dwell less on perceived flaws or failures and recover more quickly from setbacks. With self-compassion, the future is bright.

Psychotherapy offers several methods of dealing with pessimistic thoughts and feelings, and learning how to handle your spotlight. Here, we’ll review a few of our favorites:

The Four Steps

Jeffrey Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding (2012), authors of an excellent book You Are Not Your Brain, provide a 4-step program for separating yourself from deceptive brain messages and changing unhealthy thinking habits:

Step 1: ReLABEL

Be aware of your negative thoughts as they occur. Call them what they are. Identify deceptive brain messages, uncomfortable sensations (strong desires that cause you to act in unhealthy ways for momentary pleasure or relief) or habits of action or inaction. Become aware of thoughts without becoming caught up in them. Label the thought or emotion. “This is anxiety.” “This is my brain craving something sweet.”  

Step 2: ReFRAME

Seperate yourself from your brain. Change your perception of the importance and accuracy of thoughts. Try reminding yourself, “It’s not me, It’s just my brain,” “I’m feeling rejected, this is social pain,” or “This is a thinking error.”

Step 3: ReFOCUS

Focus attention on a different beneficial activity while the uncomfortable sensations are still present and bothering you. Some activities could be meditating, taking walks, talking to a friend, or focusing on something important to you. You are not ignoring or distracting yourself from the uncomfortable sensations, you allow yourself to experience them while you focus attention on a wholesome activity.

Step 4: ReVALUE

Clearly see the thoughts, urges, and impulses as sensations caused by deceptive brain messages that have little if any value. They don’t need to be focused on and can be dismissed because they are not true. Instead use your “Wise Advocate”; a guide, a caring voice inside that advocates for your true self and sees your situation from a clear perspective (Schwartz & Gladding, 2012).

Here is a brief explanation of the four steps by the author of “You are not Your Brain”:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Use principles from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to change your negative thoughts. It’s not what actually happens to us that makes us feel bad; it’s our beliefs about what happens to us. Emotions are difficult to change directly, so CBT targets emotions by changing thoughts (cognitions) and behaviors that are contributing to distressing emotions. It retrains the mind to think in more helpful patterns, lessening the suffering caused by self defeating, negative thoughts. With practice, distorted thoughts are replaced with more accurate, optimistic thoughts, which result in more positive feelings. A therapist can skillfully guide you along this process, but these are also skills that can be practiced on your own.

This video explains the premise of CBT:

CBT begins with the ABC’s. One of the founders of CBT, Albert Ellis, emphasized that it is not what happens to us (A = Activating Event) that causes negative thoughts and feelings, but rather that a person interprets these events unrealistically and therefore has irrational beliefs (B = Belief) that lead to negative consequences (C = Consequence). Thus, the ABC model:

A = Activating Event (I didn’t get the job I applied for)

→

B = Belief (I’m a failure)

→

C = Consequence (I feel miserable, have low motivation, binge on ice-cream and Netflix for a week)

Looking closer at (B), ask the question; “Is this true?” No one fails at everything. Is there evidence that you are actually not a failure? What are some examples of when have you succeeded in this area? How about successes in other areas? Are there other explanations besides you being a failure for why you didn’t get the job? More realistic beliefs (a.k.a. thoughts) dull the sting of life’s adversities and you end up bouncing back more quickly.

A = Activating Event (I didn’t get the job I applied for)

→

B = Belief (True, it would have been great to get this job. But I still have my current job that I do well, so, I’m not actually a complete failure. I am also an awesome cook and have skills on the court and make my family a priority, so overall, I’m a good person and I still have some excellent job skills. I was one of many candidates, so just because the interviewers chose someone else, doesn’t mean they didn’t value me as well. And other reasons like timing, the economy, and the financial position of the company all factor into play and have nothing to do with me.)

→

C = Consequence (Feel better about myself, have more motivation to look for other opportunities.)

Oftentimes, it’s more than one distorted belief/thought giving us problems in any given situation. A combination of irrational thoughts often play into negative feelings. CBT professionals have identified lists of common cognitive distortions and given them names and ways to dispute them. Learn them like (better than) you learned your multiplication facts (ahem, ...does anyone else still need a calculator for 7 x anything?), and you’ll be in a good position to reduce needless self-defeating thinking. 

Here’s an example of multiple distortions coming into play:

Andrea got stuck in traffic on the way to a meeting where she was part of a group who would be making a presentation. As she sat at a standstill on the freeway watching the minutes tick by, her frustration levels rising, she felt angry, embarrassed, and fearful of the judgements of her colleagues. She asked herself, “What thought is going through my mind to cause me to feel this way?” Some thoughts were, “I should have left earlier and looked up a better route. I was stupid. My team is going to think I am irresponsible. They are judgemental. I have to be flawless. They were counting on me and I’m not there. They think I’m a flake. I am going to be responsible for the presentation’s failure.” After identifying the thoughts that led to the feelings of frustration, she looked for evidence to support their validity or dispute them. Here are a few cognitive distortions that contributed to her feelings:

1. Labeling - Describing yourself or others using global, negative labels, making judgements about one’s character or name calling. “I was stupid.” “They are judgemental.”

—>Disputation - Instead of assigning global labels, identify specific behaviors that you or others could change in order to function more effectively. “I couldn’t have known this route would be under construction. I’m not stupid, I did everything a rational person would do to get there on time. Things were out of my control. And my team hasn’t shown evidence of being ruthless. I might be annoyed, but I would give a person the benefit of the doubt if they were caught in traffic, chances are they will too.” 

2. Should Statements - Focusing on how things or people “should” be. Treating your own standards as rules that everyone must live by. “I should have left earlier.” “I have to be flawless.”

—>Disputation - Think of the benefits vs. the costs of applying these “shoulds” or “musts” to yourself or others. Consider relaxing these rigid standards if the costs outweigh the benefits. “I actually did leave earlier than normal and plugged in a route, but the construction wasn’t on there. I don’t have to be flawless, no human is flawless. That’s not realistic and causes me undo stress.”

3. Mind Reading - Jumping to conclusions about another person’s thoughts, feelings or intentions. “My team is going to think I am irresponsible.” “They think I’m a flake.”

—>Disputation - Either accept that you don’t really know what’s in other people’s heads or ask them directly about their thoughts or feelings. “I really don’t know that they think I’m irresponsible. I’ve actually been the person who has turned in my work first on this team, so there’s no reason for them to think I’m a flake. I can’t read their minds.”

4. Personalizing - Telling yourself that events relate to you when they may not. “I am going to be responsible for the presentation’s failure.”

—>Disputation - Imagine a stranger objectively observing the situation you are personalizing. Would the stranger conclude that you alone were responsible? If not, consider what this means about your conclusions. “First, I can’t control the traffic. It’s not a reflection on me. And second, the presentation will start late, but I alone don’t control the outcome. My team all contributed and the people listening will have their own perspectives that affect how they recieve it. It’s not all on me.” 

With these more accurate thoughts about the situation, Andrea’s angry, embarrassed and fearful feeling diminishes, and now when she arrives at the presentation she can present with confidence from a more positive, optimistic outlook.

Getting to know the common cognitive distortions that most of us run into and how to dispute them is the essence of successfully improving mood and increasing optimism. 

Here you’ll find a list of common cognitive distortions: https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/

And here are some tools to dispute irrational thinking:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/fixing-cognitive-distortions/

Since it takes repetition and practice to change long held thinking patterns, another helpful tool that you can carry with you on your phone is this CBT app:

Moodnotes - Thought Journal / Mood Diary 

Description: Capture your mood and improve your thinking habits through an innovative approach to journaling! Moodnotes empowers you to track your mood over time, avoid common thinking traps, and develop perspectives associated with increased happiness and well-being.

We also highly recommend reading Feeling Good, by David Burns. It’s a helpful handbook to learn to recognize and dispute self-defeating, irrational thinking.

In this video, David Burns powerfully tells how he learned of CBT, how he uses it himself, and his reasons behind writing the book Feeling Good, a manual for people learning to use CBT. (Start at 2:37)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

If learning to be optimistic were a video game, ACT would be something of a cheat code, or, more accurately, an “out of the box” playing strategy. Instead of attempting to gun down your opponent (negative thoughts and feelings) to win the game, you make friends with him, neutralizing him by changing his status from enemy to neutral. For Westerners it’s somewhat of a radical idea, but what if instead of trying to change your negative thoughts, you just changed your definition of negative—just took the word out of your vocabulary? It’s not good or bad, it just is. Let us explain:

Accept thoughts and feelings, Choose directions, Take action

1. Accept thoughts and feelings - By not attempting to eliminate or change them, by not acting on them, and ultimately letting them go. With mindful exercises a person learns to live with a critical, evaluative mind. 

2. Choose directions - Identify what really matters to you and choose to go forward in a direction that is aligned with your goals. The C could also stand for Connecting with your values (Harris, 2008). Focus on what’s inside—your core desires.

3. Take action - Change what can be changed. Learn there is a difference between you as a person, and the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself, and what you do with your life. You have the power to move in valued directions even while feeling and thinking uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.

ACT aims to help people accept themselves and others with compassion, connect with their values, and commit to action that leads them in the direction they want for their lives. Where CBT trains a person to change thoughts and feelings, in ACT it’s okay to have those unwanted thoughts and feelings. We simply observe them and let them pass through on their own without reacting to them. Using CBT you might notice after disputing an irrational thought that negative feelings are diminished but not extinguished. It might work for you to practice disputing irrational thoughts and also use ACT to accept the residual uncomfortable leftovers. Research shows that both ACT and CBT are comparably effective in treating anxiety disorders and depression (Arch et al., 2012). We encourage you to experiment for yourself to find the best way for you to relate to your thoughts and feelings. 

In their book Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders, authors George Eifert and John Forsyth (2005) explain that suffering is part of the human experience. Thoughts and feelings are with us wherever we go, we can’t avoid them and we can’t completely rid ourselves of them. They are part of us. If we can learn to relate to them as just a part of living—simply experiences—without attaching a label of positive or negative, we can foster acceptance of unwanted thoughts and feelings who’s occurrence or disappearance we often can’t control. When we are willing to experience the full range of human emotion, instead of aiming to feel good, we focus on becoming good at feeling; Becoming good at feeling a full range of private experiences for what they are.

Author Jonathan Haidt (2006).of The Happiness Hypothesis explains that inside each of us is an incessant ‘like-o-meter’, judging everything we encounter as something we like or dislike, good or bad, grasping or rejecting. When we understand our inherent negative filters, we start to realize our judgements are actually not that accurate. Acceptance trains us to see situations, thoughts and feelings without placing those good and bad labels on them, letting experience just be experience. We can learn to be open to “what is” without contaminating the experience with evaluations, justifications, and reasons for what ought to be. No bad label on an experience = no bad feeling about it. In ACT we don’t try to reduce pain, though often reduced suffering is a byproduct of ACT because it also boosts our ability to do what we want with our lives. Our positivity ratio is increased and optimism raised. The serenity creed is a fitting motto for ACT:

“Accept with serenity what you cannot change, have the courage to change what you can, and develop the wisdom to know the difference”.

Eifert and Forsyth (2005) assert that giving up the struggle to change what cannot be changed for the sake of promoting change in the domains of life where change is possible is empowering. Ultimately it’s about choice: choosing to honestly assess how one has lived up to this point, some of which might be painful, and then choosing to make the commitment to act differently and consistently with what one values. It is an ongoing, everyday choice. Acceptance on one day may not carry over to the next. ACTIVE acceptance is a process that is a repeated spiral of continuing acceptance and change.

ACT utilizes Vipassana (insight) meditation, which pays attention to experiences as they are with a clear awareness of exactly what is happening as it happens. Using meditation, a person observes and attends to the changing field of thought, feelings and sensations from moment to moment. Imagining themselves as a neutral scientist, they adopt an attitude of curiosity, openness, acceptance and compassion to their own experiences in the present moment. Try the ACT meditation from Acceptance and Commitment therapy for Anxiety Disorders, by Georg H. Eifert, John P. Forsyth (2005) in the strategies menu.

And if you’d like to learn more about ACT also try these books:

The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living: A Guide to ACT by Russ Harris

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Steven C. Hayes and Spencer Smith