By Lizzie Card
The Black Lives Matter movement and recent global focus on systemic racism has taught me and continues to teach me many things. I have learned that there are things I thought I knew that I don’t know. There are things that I don’t know that I won’t know. And there are things that I don’t know that I don’t know.
In an attempt to better educate myself, I have read many Instagram posts, bought books, listened to podcasts, and watched countless videos. These sources have filled my mind with deeper insights and new perspectives. However, until recently, I continued to feel like I was failing. Other than educating myself and signing petitions, there wasn’t a lot more I could do—at least according to my limited perspective. I needed an action.
I found my action while reading the Compassion Module on My Best Self 101.
The first page of the module reads: “Compassion is the emotional experience of seeing another’s suffering and being moved to try to alleviate that suffering.Compassion is foundational to human connection, and can be profoundly helpful to both the experiencer and those toward whom compassion is directed. In this module you’ll learn why compassion is important, what facilitates it and what gets in the way, and what research-based exercises will help you cultivate compassion in your own interactions with others.”
This was it. This was my action.
Although I cannot change my privilege, through developing greater compassion, I can change the way that I see others and their individual circumstances. With a compassionate view, I can be better prepared to support movements, literature, and policies that seek to better represent my fellow Americans who are not being treated like fellow Americans.
If you find yourself seeking action like me, here is a Reader’s Digest version of Compassion.
What is Compassion?
The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (2nd Ed, 2009) describes compassion as the “emotion experienced when individuals witness another person suffering through serious troubles, which are not self-inflicted.” Compassion is being moved by the pain of others and wanting to help. Literally translating to, “endure with,” compassion never flees from suffering. Compassion “includes kindness and presence, is born of a brave consciousness, and requires a tender heart but also a tough mind” (MBS 101 Compassion Module).
Interestingly, psychologist Paul Gilbert (developer of Compassion Focused Therapy) describes compassion as having two dimensions: engagement and alleviation. Engagement notices, turns toward, and engages with suffering. It is willing to practice acceptance over avoidance. Alleviation is motivated, committed, wise, skillful, and capable of taking effective action in the presence of suffering. “Sometimes this means direct steps to reduce suffering and its causes, and sometimes it might mean just being in the presence of tough emotions with compassionate acceptance” (MBS Compassion Module).
Compassion Now
“When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands. Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection—or compassionate action.”
After reading about compassion, I realized how applicable it was to my current situation and desire to change. I realized that I could take action and develop greater levels of compassion within myself now.
Some of the steps I am taking are:
Increasing my mindfulness by developing a healthy awareness of my present-moment thoughts, emotions, and experiences, with an attitude of openness, curiosity, and acceptance. (See more on Mindfulness here). I am asking myself questions like, “What are the emotional, physical, and mental reactions I am having right now?” Or “What could be the underlying reason that I am having the reaction I am having to this stimulus?”
Embracing suffering. I am learning that suffering is always personal, individual, and unique. Suffering is the “state of severe distress associated with events that threaten the intactness of a person” (Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, 2009, p.399). By becoming in tune with my own suffering, I am better equipped to deal with others’ suffering in helpful ways.
Increasing identification. Although I will never know what it is like to be a black American, I can still identify with the black community in an attempt to become proximate, share inner life and understanding, and recognize our similarities as well as our differences.
Unfortunately, it seems that despite the world’s shared experience suffering from and adapting to the global spread of COVID-19, global compassion only extends so far. Disidentification (seeing others as different from ourselves), selfishness, the illusion of separateness, and cultural differences continue to divide human beings amongst themselves.
Although I cannot change everyone, I can change myself. I can develop more compassion and work every day to implement this practice into my thoughts, words, and actions as we all work together to make our country and our world more equal, more fair, and more just.