When you go to the beach do you hear the ebb and flow of the ocean, see the sun reflecting off the swells, and the bubbly tide lapping at your feet? Or do you notice the sand getting in your shoes, the chaos of the waves churning and crashing, and the smell of seaweed and bird poop filling your nose? Both of them are there all the time, but what you decide to focus on will greatly affect your experience at the beach. Now say you are in the ocean, being tossed and turned by the waves, tumbled, unable to catch up to your friends swimming ahead of you. Where would your focus be then? There are many options: the frustration, exhaustion, and loneliness you feel, or recognition of your body’s ability to swim, the nice temperature of the water, and that you have friends to enjoy this day with. Where your attention is makes all the difference.
Basics of Self-Compassion
When you hear the word compassion, what do you think of? You may think of comforting a friend who is grieving the loss of a loved one, visiting an elderly neighbor who is lonely, or simply hugging your sister who just went through a difficult breakup. Most people understand the general concept of compassion, which is “the emotional experience of seeing another’s suffering and being moved to try to alleviate that suffering” (Hansen & Warren, n.d.). For most of us, when we see a loved one going through a difficult situation and experiencing painful emotions, our natural instinct is to want to help them in order to ease their pain. It’s hard to watch someone you care about suffer.
When Forgiveness is needed, Compassion is required
There is a strong relationship between forgiveness and compassion. We all have had experiences where we have felt hurt by the wrongdoings of others. How will we react? Will we try our best to just forget it? Will we suppress the feeling until “it goes away”? Will our pride get in the way of accepting that we need to forgive? These are just a few examples of what some of our thoughts might look like before beginning the process of forgiveness. It can be really hurtful and painful to feel that you have been wronged, but at the end of the day, it’s our choice to decide what we will do next. This is when compassion comes in.
Starting with Compassion
Although I cannot change my privilege, through developing greater compassion, I can change the way that I see others and their individual circumstances. With a compassionate view, I can be better prepared to support movements, literature, and policies that seek to better represent my fellow Americans who are not being treated like fellow Americans.