By Joseph Shearer
After being told by my therapist that I have extremely high levels of perfectionism, a part of me actually felt proud for being “the best” perfectionist, even though it was tearing my life apart. I am your atypical perfectionist. Instead of feeling guilty for never living up to the irrational goals I set for myself, I almost always achieve them. Pushing myself harder and harder, I began spending more and more time being productive (getting things done) and less and less time being constructive (taking care of myself). Eventually, I burnt out. Having depleted my mental resources, I had nothing left to give.
Building Our Mental Funds
The Oxford dictionary defines burnout as “physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.” My mental health suffered because I was not making it a priority. When we don’t take care of our bodies, our bodies stop taking care of us. The unfortunate paradox of our fast-paced culture is that there is rarely time for mental rest and recovery, yet we need it now more than ever! A well-known psychologist comments on this flawed condition of our society:
“Doing crowds out being, the urgent crowds out the important, and you go to bed after working hard all day feeling frustrated and maybe self-critical that you didn’t get more done.”
Have you ever felt like this? Regrettably, most days used to end like this for me. So, what do we do? Are we just doomed to eventually burn out? Absolutely not! Think of it like this: Our minds are like a bank account. If we have too many expenses and/or not enough income, we begin to deplete our resources. Eventually, we will run out of mental funds. This often results in mental breakdowns because we continue spending what we don’t have and quickly get into the ‘negative.’ On the other hand, if we have fewer expenses and a ‘healthy’ income, we begin building our mental reserve until we have a ‘positive’ balance that is greater than our spending habits. With abundant mental funds, we have enough resources to take care of ourselves and others. To sum up, increasing our mental funds can be done in one (or both) of two ways: reducing expenses or increasing income.
Reducing Expenses
At first glance, you might have a difficult time coming up with ways to reduce your mental expenses. After all, people rely on the work you do, and might even be expecting you to do your best, right? Take it from someone who has been there: it is impossible to do your best when your mental bank account has a negative balance. If there are too many expenses in your life, eventually you will “go broke.” Perhaps the most frustrating paradox of human efficacy is that sometimes you have to do less to be more. If you really want to do your best and be your best self, then you might need to reevaluate your life and reduce some expenses. Here are a couple ideas to help you get out of the negative:
Take something out. Evaluate your mental spending habits to identify any unnecessary expenses. There could be demands in your life that are more habitual than necessary. You might feel, like I did, that everything in your life is absolutely essential. You might think there is nothing you can possibly abandon. What I wish I had known before my own breakdown is that if you don’t take something out now, you might be forced to take out even more later. Clearly, there are components of a good life that are deemed important by society. These may include schooling, an occupation, religion, etc. All of these are noble endeavours and certainly worthwhile. What might not be as important as getting these things done, however, is the time-table in which they are accomplished. One possible option is to slow down and allow yourself more time to complete your goals. You might not only be happier along the way, but could also be more successful in the long run. Only you can decide what is right for you, but if you feel like you are starting to burn out, seriously consider this option of taking something out.
Adjust expectations of performance. Unfortunately, you might not have the luxury of removing something from your busy life. For whatever reason, your heavy load might seem unavoidable at the moment. If this is the case, don’t lose hope! Instead of removing responsibilities, see if you can remove any expectations. Frequently, expectations of performance can feel just as heavy as another task on your plate. First, decide which expectations come from external sources and which are your own. Although external expectations are a little more difficult to adjust, don’t let yourself worry about them more than you should; let them motivate you to do your best and then move on. Internal expectations are typically the more damaging of the two. This is because unrealistic expectations of the self often lead to dissatisfaction with the self. Even after a hard day’s work, you might lament that you can never do enough. If this is you, try asking a friend or someone you trust to help you establish a realistic set of expectations for yourself. Write them down and refer to them often. Cultivating self-compassion will allow you to accept these new expectations and appreciate the work you are already doing.
Increasing Income
For years, psychologists have concentrated on getting people out of the negative. Not until recently, however, has psychology also tried to get people further into the positive. For example, my therapist focused explicitly on methods of reducing my expenses and had no advice to give on increasing my mental income. Thankfully, the field of positive psychology is devoted to human flourishing. In other words, we now have research-supported ways of building our mental funds. The following list is not comprehensive, but rather presents a few of my favorite methods:
Physical nutrition. Our bodies help us do what we need. If we aren’t careful, we can forget to do what they need. Getting enough sleep is crucial to the health and development of our bodies and brains. Likewise, exercise has been shown to benefit our bodies in numerous ways, including rebuilding brain cells that are damaged from stress. Just 30 minutes of exercise a day can revitalize your life. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our module on exercise.
Gratitude. Have you ever been told to count your blessings? Turns out, science advocates the idea of expressing gratitude. Whether creating a list of what you’re grateful for or writing a gratitude letter to a friend, expressing gratitude has been shown to increase our happiness. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our module on gratitude.
Supportive relationships. A vast amount of research has been done to demonstrate how deeply our relationships can affect our well-being. Some of these findings might surprise you! Did you know, for example, that having strong relationships can help you not get sick as often? If you’re interested in learning more, check out our module on supportive relationships.
Mindfulness & savoring. Mindfulness is the ability to slow down and recognize what thoughts and emotions you are experiencing. Developing this skill can help you improve your well-being in a number of ways, including boosting your mood. Savoring is similar, but emphasizes a focus on the positive. Through savoring, you can amplify and prolong pleasant experiences. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our modules on mindfulness and savoring.
Self-compassion. This is the power to show yourself the same compassion that you would show a good friend who is suffering. Instead of feeling self-critical, self-compassion allows you to feel peace and acceptance with who you are at this moment. One of my favorite exercises is to engage in a loving-kindness meditation. Overall, self-compassion leads to greater psychological health. If you’re interested in learning more, check out our module on self-compassion.
In a world of ever-increasing mental demands, many of us are likely to experience some form of burnout at some point in our lives. Positive psychology provides us with the resources to get out of the negative and back into the positive. Don’t wait until you’ve hit rock bottom. Decide today to take control of your mental health and learn to flourish. If you want to evaluate your current level of well-being, take our survey on flourishing here.
“Don’t wait until you’ve hit rock bottom. Decide today to take control of your mental health and learn to flourish.”