By Ali Allred
Do you ever feel like whatever you do is never enough? Or that you can’t keep up with the demands of life? Nowadays, so many people are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed, anxious, and so many other debilitating feelings. In 2017, more than 39.3% of college students were depressed and 60.9% felt an uncontrollable sense of anxiety (Lee & Anderman, 2020). These staggering results must have some root.
Perfectionism has been identified as one of the roots of these increasing levels of depression and anxiety (Lee & Anderman, 2020). One of the main triggers of perfectionism is unrealistic expectations, and understanding this can help us to see the different faces of perfectionism.
Everyone is likely to set goals, but the specific type of goals that we set can have a significant impact on our mental health. Mastery-approach goals are goals that focus on developing competence or really mastering the task; in other words, they’re goals that help individuals to really understand the task that they are being given (Brodish & Devine, 2009). Setting mastery-approach goals allows you to understand what you need to accomplish through your goals, but the most important thing is that you are not relying upon the expectations of others (Lee & Anderman, 2020). When you set goals simply to please others, it can have a devastating effect on your mental health, so mastery-approach goals are extremely helpful in avoiding this. They also help give you a greater appreciation for different aspects of your life.
So, do you want to maximize your happiness when working to accomplish goals? Try setting mastery-approach goals. But make sure they’re realistic! Many people don’t set realistic goals that help them accomplish the things they want, instead setting performance-avoidance goals. These are goals that help you avoid feeling incompetent in comparison to others (Brodish & Devine, 2009), which causes you to feel exhausted as you constantly compare yourself to others and try to meet the expectations of others (Lee & Anderman, 2020). Do you ever feel exhausted when you are trying so hard to accomplish your goals to satisfy the demands of others that you completely avoid accomplishing your goals? Then you may be setting performance-avoidance goals.
This demonstrates that the type of goals we set can significantly impact our mental health, especially for perfectionists who are constantly trying to do things perfectly. Poor well-being can be associated with feelings of shame and anxiety, so those who set performance-avoidance goals are more likely to become overwhelmed and develop feelings of shame and anxiety.
In addition, the root of an individual's need for perfection can influence the type of goals the individual sets. If an individual is feeling insurmountable pressure from external forces to be perfect, the individual is more likely to establish performance-avoidance goals. However, if an individual is feeling that they need to be perfect from within, then they are more likely to set mastery-approach goals (Madjar et al., 2013). When we feel like people are constantly criticizing us, then we are more likely to develop maladaptive behaviors. These maladaptive behaviors are related to performance-approach and performance-avoidance goals (Madjar et al., 2013). Where people seek approval can significantly influence the type of goals they set, which in turn will affect their behaviors.
So, when you are struggling with feeling like you need to be perfect, think about why you are feeling that way. Is it for other people? Are you setting goals and trying to accomplish things so that you will gain the satisfaction of others? If you are, try setting different types of goals that focus on becoming better at something for yourself rather than for others.
An understanding of perfectionism is imperative because it shows that there is a firm relationship between perfectionism and the triggers that lead to feelings of anxiety and shame (Hinterman et al., 2012). People who set unrealistically high expectations for themselves are more likely to retreat from the emotions and goals, leading to anxiety and shame (Newman et al., 2019). It is essential that we understand and shift the mindset of perfectionists—including ourselves, if applicable—in order to help them to progress instead of retreat. Now the big question is: how can we change our mindsets?
Opening our minds to evaluate the world around us and taking a step back to gain a clearer perspective allows doors to greater self-esteem and happiness to open (Hinterman et al., 2012). This method of mindfulness is a technique that perfectionists could use to overcome maladaptive behaviors that may result from perfectionism. A tendency of perfectionists is to ruminate over past failures and experiences that did not live up to their expectations. This could result in a downward spiral of their mental health. However, as they develop mindfulness, they gain a greater ability to control negative behaviors that result from perfectionism, such as this rumination (Hinterman et al., 2012). Gaining control of their minds and the way they view situations and themselves allows for greater understanding and success. This method of mindfulness may deescalate the consequences of perfectionism in individuals. For further information on mindfulness and specific practices, you can refer to our Mindfulness module.
Mindfulness is not the only way that people can overcome maladaptive perfectionism. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been used for perfectionists as a way to overcome anxiety, depression, overthinking, and eating disorders. Like mindfulness, it also enables individuals to gain a greater sense of self-confidence that leads to a better well-being, and who doesn’t want to be happier? (Handley et al., 2014). One study even found that maladaptive perfectionists who practiced cognitive behavioral therapy over a six-month timespan were 75% more likely to not struggle with maladaptive perfectionism afterwards (Chand et al., 2018). These are astonishing results that signify the importance of cognitive behavioral therapy as a method of overcoming maladaptive perfectionism. This demonstrates the power of controlling the mind as it relates to overcoming perfectionism. You can go here to learn more about the specifics of cognitive behavioral therapy.
Perfectionism is something that affects thousands of people daily. It affects people from all walks of life. As we understand more about it, then we are able to recognize and address how perfectionism could be maladaptive. I have seen how mindfulness and cognitive behavioral therapy are wonderful tools to help re-train our minds so that we have a different perspective on the world as well as on ourselves.
Check out our Tackling Perfectionism mini-module for more ideas on how to better understand and overcome perfectionism!
Sources
Brodish, A.B. & Devine, P. G. (2009). The role of performance–avoidance goals and worry in mediating the relationship between stereotype threat and performance. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45(1), 180-185. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jesp.2008.08.005
Chand, S. P., Chibnall, J. T. & Slavin, S. J. (2018). Cognitive behavioral therapy for maladaptive perfectionism in medical Students: A preliminary investigation. Academic Psychiatry, 42, 58–61. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40596-017-0708-2
Handley, A. K., Egan, S. J., Kane, R.T., & Rees, C. S. (2014). The relationships between perfectionism, pathological worry and generalized anxiety disorder. BMC Psychiatry, 14(98). https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-244X-14-98
Hinterman, C., Burns, L., Hopwood, D., & Rogers, W. (2012). Mindfulness: Seeking a more perfect approach to coping with life’s challenges. Mindfulness, 3, 275–281. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-012-0091-8
Lee, Y. J. & Anderman, E. M. (2020). Profiles of perfectionism and their relations to educational outcomes in college students: The moderating role of achievement goals. Learning and Individual Differences, 77. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.lindif.2019.101813
Madjar, N., Voltsis, M., & Weinstock, M. P. (2013). The roles of perceived parental expectation and criticism in adolescents’ multidimensional perfectionism and achievement goals. Educational Psychology, 35(6), 765-778. https://doi.org/10.1080/01443410.2013.864756
Newman, B. N., Strickler, J. G., O’Brien, C., Lui, T., & Lynch, M. (2019). Deconstruction perfectionism in college students: Patterns of behavior, emotion, and cognition. Personality and Individual Differences, 145, 106-111. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2019.03.030