By Brayden Funn
As a young child living with unfortunate circumstances, I often looked ahead to life as an adult. It was my belief, during those years, that a time would come where I would no longer witness such difficulty and trial. This belief, along with a few others like unto it, persisted into late adolescence and my early adulthood. It wasn’t until I had lived a few years on my own that I began to recognize that life—in and of itself—is full of obstacles. However, I have come to the understanding and belief that we, as humans, can be unbreakable and overcome any and all things in life through resilience.
If we could read other people’s thoughts, I believe that we would each be surprisingly reassured at how similar each of our thoughts and worries are. For example, imagine (or recall) an occasion in which you encounter a person that you have not seen or spoken to in some time, yet you both recognize each other and are both contemplating the decision of whether or not to say “hi.” Likewise, I believe that while trials and circumstances may differ substantially, each person in this world is facing difficulty in one form or another. In this case, there is no comparison; there is no trial of yours that your neighbor could exactly comprehend, because of your own unique development and interpretation. And vice versa—you cannot perfectly comprehend your neighbor’s trials.
Consider the fact that adversity does not discriminate. My hope in writing this post, as I consider experiences of myself and loved ones, is that we may not only recognize the common nature of life’s many trials, but also define resilience and practice together how we may incorporate three specific strategies into each of our lives.
Born in Oakland, California, Charles Hunt faced the trials of community drug abuse and gang violence, as well as the difficulty associated with an incarcerated father and a mother who struggled with addiction. In a wonderful Ted Talk, Charles explains the trauma he faced, as well as the resilience he developed that brought forth strength.
Here are a few points from his speech:
With resilience, we can all go from tragedy to triumph.
Resilience is most important within times of hurt, pain, and negativity.
A resilient mind is one that processes and responds to adversity with action to bring forth positivity within life’s journey.
In order to cultivate a spirit of resilience, one must understand that beliefs impact feelings, feelings impact thought, and thoughts influence response(s) to adversity. It is possible to experience adversity with the perception that it is an opportunity for growth.
The mind is fundamental in laying a foundation for resilience. Consider the things you do that are good for the mind. Also consider what may hinder resilience in your life.
Sometimes, when our minds begin to tell us things that we don’t need to hear, we need to tell ourselves what to think . Recognize these negative thoughts as mere words with no meaning, rather than allowing them to consume you. Tell yourself what you need to hear by being kind to yourself.
Sometimes, the strength that we are in need of comes by asking a friend for help.
With the proper perspective and attitude, we have incredible power as humans.
Additionally, Charles Hunt emphasizes the difference between saying, “I was a victim,” and saying, “Being a victim.” Distinction between the past and present brings forth the necessary power to think, change, and overcome. As I mentioned, I believe that we’d be quite surprised to recognize the similarities between our emotions and that of our peers. It is highly likely that most people you pass throughout the day are facing some form of trial, just as you may be. There’s a saying in psychology along the lines of negative emotion being similar to Velcro, or a magnet, while positive emotion tends to bounce or slide off like Teflon.
With the knowledge that difficult experiences persist throughout life, adversity does not discriminate, personal trials are incomparable to that of your neighbor (due to both of your unique development and experiences), and there is power in asking for help. We may continue to build upon the construct of resilience, which is critical to success and overcoming obstacles. Dr. Lucy Hone shares three critical and readily available strategies for resilience in this Ted Talk:
The strategies, or “three secrets of resilient people,” are as follows:
Resilient people understand that unfortunate circumstances happen.
Resilient people are very good at carefully choosing where they direct their attention.
Resilient people ask themselves, “Is what I’m doing helping me? Or is it hurting me?”
Now, I myself am not particularly fond of being told that resilient people look like X, Y, Z, because it may lead people to believe that they, currently, as they are, are not resilient—which is not true. Additionally, I don’t want the incorporation of these ‘secrets’ to identify as an “all or nothing” type of gig. Meaning, if you already partake in one of these three strategies (e.g., you often ask yourself if what you’re doing is helping or hurting you), but not the other two, that does not mean that you do not have resilience. What I am trying to say is that you likely have exercised resilience in your own life—many times, perhaps. If I do not help you to identify that resilience is already within you, then I have failed in my goal of this post.
The fact the resilient people understand that unfortunate circumstances happen is essentially an association between struggle and the human experience. Often, a cultivation of resilient behavior is found closely with the recognition that, though your experiences and interpretations thereof are unique, adversity is common among all people. Additionally, resilience is associated with an ability to carefully direct one’s attention to things of most importance and growth (i.e., resilient people are very good at carefully choosing where they direct their attention). Take, for example, a professional athlete who suffers a season-ending injury; without a direct focus on re-earning their spot, they will quickly be replaced by another player of similar capability. Without keeping a focus on the steps leading toward your goal(s) of overcoming adversity, we fail to accept the things that cannot change; we risk, as mentioned by Dr. Hone, losing what we currently have to what we have lost. Finally, associated with resilience and overcoming is the asking of oneself, “Is what I’m doing helping me? Or is it hurting me?” Certainly, we may partake in activities throughout the day that may strengthen or weaken our foundation of resilience.
Today, I invite you to join me in the learning and practicing of a resilient perspective as a fundamental way of living. As with all things, be kind to yourself in the personal reflection of where you may better incorporate strategies to consistently overcome life’s many obstacles. Surely, as we part ways, memories of the current message may fade, but I commit to three things and invite you to join me:
I will be selective of who and what will get my attention and I will only join in activities or practices that will help me progress toward my goal(s).
I will be kinder to myself and remember in the very moment(s) of future pain and struggle that adversity is part of the human experience and I am not alone in feeling such difficulty.
Each week, I will set aside opportunities to revisit mybestself101.org and take time to not only build upon the current commitment, but also keep in mind both friends and loved ones that may benefit from a particular message herein.
With these things, I am confident that we’ll be able to apply the strategies of resilience, while remembering our unbreakable nature and power to overcome all things. You are unique and capable of resilience to withstand life’s greatest adversities.