By Marinne Hammond
“Peace of mind comes when your life is in harmony with true principles and values and in no other way. ”
When I was in elementary school, my classmates and I periodically received “virtue pencils”, which were those classic No. 2 pencils, but these ones were labeled with a virtue and its definition. One label I remember read something like this: “Courage: Doing Right When Afraid.” I suppose these pencils were an effort on our teachers’ part to instill in us values that we could hold dear to our hearts—values that would one day help us grow into exemplary adults.
One definition of values is: “words or qualities which describe the type of life you want to live” (Salazar et al., n.d.). As I got older and became an adult, I realized that just a few words like those written on my elementary school pencils can define what I choose to value in life.
A few values I have invited into my life are hard work, kindness, self-care, and spirituality. Other values I am striving for are organization, relationships, and self-reliance. Thinking about these values and trying to act on them fills me with purpose and peace. I wonder sometimes, though, if my values are actually visible to others. If I value self-reliance, I wonder if someone would be able to look at me and think, She seems like someone who takes charge of her life! I also find myself wondering if I am valuing the “right” things.
How can we truly tell if our values are an active and visible part of our life? And which values should we honor? Research can help us answer these questions.
Our actions (Mubako et al., 2021), along with how happy we feel, (Lee & Kawachi, 2019) can be reflections of the types of values we hold. Two studies illustrate this: in one experiment, researchers looked at the values of hundreds of accounting students (Mubako et al., 2021). Results indicated that values such as rules, tradition, benevolence, and dependability (Schwartz, 2017, as cited in Mubako et al., 2021) lined up with more ethical behavior, whereas values such as achievement, dominance, and power (Schwartz, 2017, as cited in Mubako et al., 2021) seemed to relate to unethical behavior. Achievement, dominance, and power all fall under the umbrella value of self-enhancement, and the negative effect of holding such values was also discovered in an experiment; participants with extrinsic, self-enhancement values experienced less happiness (Lee & Kawachi, 2019), whereas values centered around relationships and spirituality were linked with more happiness.
What I take away from this research is that values are attached to actions we decide to take, and, depending on the nature of the value, they can either cause us happiness or a lack thereof. The results of this research remind me of the common advice to “choose your friends wisely, because you will ultimately become who your friends are.” In a funny way, I think of values as my “friends”; if I choose to cherish unselfish values such as service and forgiveness, I will hopefully become a more selfless and happy person.
But what happens when we find that this “worthy values=positive actions and happiness” formula isn’t quite working out for us? Let me share a personal example illustrating this challenge.
Since I was young, I have valued spirituality, and one aspect of honoring this spirituality for my family and I was setting aside each Sunday to focus on worship and rest. I had always been pretty diligent at honoring this value, but this all changed when I started my freshman year of college as a violin performance major. I was managing the highest academic expectations I had ever been given before and felt the pressure of becoming the best violinist I could be. My logical solution to managing these expectations was to practice for several hours every day. As my freshman year went by, I found myself becoming more and more stressed. I also felt my spiritual self sinking, as if I was numb to it. I knew that something needed to change if I was to continue honoring my value of spirituality. Upon reflection, I realized that practicing for several hours on Sundays was clouding my headspace that I once used to to meditate upon my faith and recharge for the week ahead. Eventually, I made a decision for myself: on Sundays, practicing violin was not going to be a priority. Even today, I can still remember how at peace I felt once I made this decision. Looking backwards, I believe I felt this peace because I had released myself from the cognitive dissonance of my actions not aligning with my values; I was valuing spirituality, but not fully living as though I did.
How can we stay on track with fully honoring our values when challenges like this occur?
Here is a process that might be helpful to you:
Start by making a list of the values you care most about. Try to list one-word values such as family, honesty, perseverance, etc.
Be honest with yourself and assess how well you act on these values. If you find that one of your values is more of a nice “idea” versus something you actually act on, make notes of one or two activities that could convert these ideas into actions.
Here is an example of what your notes might look like:
Values I already act on Values I could honor better and actions I can take to improve:
Hard work Kindness: writing a card to a friend
Spirituality Self-care: going out for a walk when I feel stressed
In short, values do start out as succinct ideas, small enough to fit on those pencils I used in elementary school. Our noble task as humans is to then take these small ideas and honor them by what we do. I believe that if we choose positive values that speak to us personally, we have the opportunity to honor these values with our behavior, adding meaning and joy to both our lives and the lives of those around us.
References
Lee, M., & Kawachi, I. (2019). The keys to happiness: Associations between personal values regarding core life domains and happiness in South Korea. PLoS ONE, 14(1), pp. 1-14. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0209821
Mubako, G., Bagchi, K., Udo, G., & Marinovic, M. Personal values and ethical behavior in accounting students. Journal of Business Ethics, 174, pp. 161-176. (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10551-020-04606-1
Salazar, G., MacDonald, W., Sullivan, J., Myers, J., & Warren, J. (n.d.). Values. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/values
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Great values are built on strong moral foundations. Men become great when they allow these values to take root within their souls and live by them.”