By Tommy Rowan
“I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter”
How often do you hear phrases like “it could be worse” or “look on the bright side,” and yet somehow you feel worse? Although well-intentioned, phrases like these and many others can do more harm than good. Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter the circumstances, difficult or dire, all people should maintain a positive outlook and mindset. This mindset rejects all hard emotions to ensure a cheerful day and often a false facade.
This kind of forced positivity is almost a compulsion to view life as a series of positive events, followed by being hopeful about the positive times to come. However, no matter how well-intended this idea is, people soon realize that life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Just like two positives make a negative — This form of forced positivity denies reality and is not helpful (Tiffany, 2023). Leaning towards a form of toxicity.
To understand toxic positivity better, let us first look at healthy positivity. Dr. Beth Cabrera, a TEDx speaker and author, defines positivity as a "frequent experience of pleasant emotions. Some of the most common are joy, hope, gratitude, interest, serenity, pride, amusement, love, inspiration, and awe." She explains that positivity is not an absence of negative emotions or bad events. Obviously, bad events are bound to happen. But research on positivity indicates that positivity can be best experienced when the ratio of positive-to-negative emotions is at least 3-to-1 (Cabrera, 2019).
Research, again and again, has shown the value and importance of our well-being when we are optimistic and positive (Passmore, 2018). However, research does not deny the need to recognize hard and difficult emotions. In fact, those emotions benefit us in more ways than we might think. A recent study discussed the process and which one except for her emotions and thoughts without judgment. This process is referred to as habitual acceptance. Accepting hard emotions has been linked with greater psychological health due to accepting negative emotional responses (Ford, 2018). Perhaps the phrase “good vibes only” creates a toxic expectation for people that is nearly impossible to manage and uphold. By discarding these important emotions, one might be denied the appropriate and authentic support they are in need of.
How does one know if they are experiencing “toxic positivity?” Have you ever experienced guilt for feeling sad or angry? Do you find yourself dismissing others’ difficult emotions? Do you ever look in the mirror and lie to yourself to hide all of the painful emotions? Or do you have a bad habit of ignoring your problems and continually reciting “positive” quotes about hard situations? All of these are examples of how “toxic positivity” may be affecting your life!
Research shows that incremental theories of well-being were associated with prioritizing positivity and showed a positive relationship with several other indicators of positive mental functioning, such as intrinsic motivation and eudaimonic motivation. Studies also show that theories of well-being were associated with positivity and were positively correlated with additional indicators of positive mental functioning, such as harmony in life and self-compassion (Passmore, 2018).
The line between positivity and toxic positivity is rather slim. For example, thinking about good thoughts becomes difficult in situations like the pandemic. Even engaging yourself in good thoughts is difficult because you are surrounded by grim news. However, even now, an explosion of positivity expects people to believe "better days are coming." Which, to come to think of it, is not untrue. But toxic positivity takes every event or incident to an overgeneralized level. And also minimizes our ability to deal with human emotions that are not necessarily positive. It surely helps when we are surrounded by such uncertainty. Yet, accepting that we are living through some tough times is equally important.
Weathering tough times with a positive attitude is important, but it is also important to know when to draw a line.
Why is toxic positivity harmful?
While positivity can help people in dealing with difficult times, toxic positivity does the exact opposite. While people can find comfort in positivity, toxic positivity leads to people's emotions being dismissed, ignored, or invalidated.
1. It's shaming: When someone is in pain, they need to realize that their feelings are legitimate and that they will find comfort and love in their friends and relatives despite the pain. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, tells people that their feelings are incorrect.
2. It causes guilt: It sends the message that you're doing something wrong if you can't find a way to be happy, even in the face of disaster.
3. It avoids authentic human emotion: Toxic positivity is a defense mechanism. When some partake in this behavior, they can escape uncomfortable interpersonal situations. However, often we internalize these poisonous thoughts and turn them on ourselves. We underestimate, ignore, and reject troublesome feelings as they arise.
4. It prevents growth: It helps us escape uncomfortable emotions while denying us the opportunity to confront difficult feelings that can lead to development and deeper understanding.
Knowing how toxic positivity can harm your psychological health, what can you do today to help facilitate true optimism and compassion? By fostering this positivity, we can all accept difficult emotions, see them for what they are, and learn how to process a positive outlook without being toxic to ourselves and others.
“You can’t make a cloudy day a sunny day, but you can embrace it and decide its going to be a good day after all. ”
References
Cabrera, D. B. (2019, March 26). How to build your well-being to thrive | dr. Beth Cabrera | tedxgeorgemasonu. YouTube. Retrieved April 18, 2023, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04yBH7q1Zc8
Ford, B. Q., Lam, P., John, O. P., & Mauss, I. B. (2019, January 22). The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: Laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://escholarship.org/uc/item/2jb8x65t
Passmore, H.-A., Howell, A. J., & Holder, M. D. (1970, January 1). Positioning implicit theories of well-being within a positivity framework. Journal of Happiness Studies. https://econpapers.repec.org/article/sprjhappi/v_3a19_3ay_3a2018_3ai_3a8_3ad_3a10.1007_5fs10902-017-9934-2.htm
Tiffany Sauber Millacci, Ph. D. (2023, October 13). Toxic positivity in psychology: Examples & research findings. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/toxic-positivity-in-psychology/