The Building Blocks of Self-Compassion

Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, has significantly contributed to our understanding of self-compassion. According to Dr. Neff, self-compassion consists of three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Examining these components will help us deepen our understanding of self-compassion and gain practical tools to develop it. 

Self-kindness involves treating ourselves with care and understanding rather than harsh self-judgment. It means being gentle with ourselves in the face of difficulty, accepting our imperfections, and nurturing ourselves in constructive ways. The opposite of self-kindness is self-judgment: being overly critical, impatient, or intolerant of our flaws. Self-judgment tells us to “tough it out” when we are struggling.  

Common humanity is the recognition that suffering is a shared experience. Everyone encounters struggles, and these difficulties are part of the human condition. At any given moment, no matter what you’re feeling, there are thousands of people in the world feeling like you are. Remembering that we are not alone in our pain—no matter how unique it may seem—can foster a sense of interconnectedness with others. The opposite of common humanity is isolation, which arises when we feel disconnected or believe others are better off or unable to relate to our experience. 

Mindfulness, the third key component, is essential to self-compassion. Mindfulness is generally defined as “present-moment awareness with acceptance.” We have an entire module on mindfulness explaining the concept in more detail. Mindfulness involves observing our thoughts, emotions, and experiences non-judgmentally. Guy Armstrong, a meditation teacher, describes mindfulness as “knowing what you’re experiencing while you’re experiencing it.” Simply stated, mindfulness is about awareness. In the context of self-compassion, mindfulness helps us accurately recognize our emotions while providing a non-reactive, accepting approach to them. Mindfulness practices themselves may be associated with more common humanity (the second building block discussed) and less isolation (Taylor et al., 2022). 

The opposite of mindfulness is over-identification: identifying too closely with our negativity or suffering. It involves becoming so absorbed in negative emotions or thoughts at the expense of mindful awareness. This narrowing of perception can make it difficult to see the best options for moving forward after experiences we have. 

Understanding self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness allows us to practice self-compassion through specific strategies. You may notice these components emphasized in the Self-Compassion Strategies and Self-Compassion Resources sections later on, but you can also create personalized strategies that address the components you need the most.