What Self-Compassion is Not

• Self-pity: Unlike self-pity, which exaggerates suffering, self-compassion acknowledges suffering without magnifying it. Self-compassion involves feeling empathy and seeking to alleviate pain, not just feeling bad for ourselves. 

•  Self-indulgence: Self-compassion promotes long-term well-being, not short-term pleasure. It’s not about indulging in instant gratification; it’s about caring for ourselves in healthy, sustainable ways. 

• Narcissism: Narcissism is rooted in self-centeredness and lacks mindfulness and appreciation for others. In contrast, self-compassion fosters connection with others and encourages kindness, both toward ourselves and others. 

• Selfishness: Taking care of ourselves is not selfish. It’s necessary for our emotional and physical well-being. When we are compassionate with ourselves, we have the energy and capacity to care for others.  

• Laziness/Passivity: Many people believe they need self-criticism to stay motivated (e.g., “If I weren’t self-critical, I wouldn’t achieve as much”). However, neuropsychology research suggests otherwise. Self-criticism activates the brain’s threat defense system, triggering stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which can actually undermine long-term motivation. In contrast, practicing self-compassion fosters feelings of safety and comfort, releasing oxytocin and endorphins—“feel-good” hormones—that create the ideal state for motivation and growth.

• Self-esteem: Self-esteem is about evaluating our worth, whereas self-compassion is not contingent on how we feel about ourselves. Self-compassion is about accepting ourselves as we are, without the need for constant self-approval. 

• Part of a Religion: While self-compassion has roots in traditional Buddhism, it doesn’t require any specific religious beliefs. It is a universal practice that can benefit anyone, regardless of faith.