Breaking Old Habits

Breaking habits is as much a part of choosing who you are as making new ones is. Often we need to break down old habits to build up new ones. This is not always easy. When our brains form new habits they make neuroconnections that can last for years, and some think that they never truly go away (Clear, 2020). However, by breaking old habits and establishing new ones, the old neural pathways can be weakened while the new ones get stronger. 

Just as James Clear has the Four Laws of Behavior Change, he also has the inversions of these: 

Make it invisible. Things often get triggered by visual and context cues. So, take away those visual and context cues. If you use your phone too much, put it in another room while you work. If you’re playing too many video games, put the console in a closet once you’re done. Those who have the best self control use it the least.

Make it unattractive. To do this, reframe your viewpoint about the habit and highlight the benefits of breaking that habit. For example, you may think you need caffeine to stay awake but you actually don’t; in fact, caffeine really makes you crash harder. You may feel the need to look at social media to destress, but social media actually makes you stress more. Another trick is to make the habit seem unattractive/unpleasant to perform. For example, call out the show you want to watch before turning the TV on to avoid channel surfing. You may get so tired of calling out channels, watching TV may seem less appealing. 

Make it difficult. If it’s hard to do you will be less likely to do it. Make it harder to eat out by leaving your wallet at home (if reasonable and unless you plan to go eat somewhere). These are called Commitment Devices, decisions made in the present that bind your decisions in the future. Other examples are paying for a class (art, yoga, cooking, etc.) beforehand, knowing if you cancel you will lose money. 

Make it unsatisfying. People learn through painful experiences; the more painful something is, the quicker they learn. Even the fear of pain can be a powerful tutor. Doctors learn quickly in fear of the consequences of their mistakes. Merchants learn the trade quickly in fear of making big financial mistakes. The punishment must fit the crime. The consequences of being lazy must be equivalent to the benefits of being productive. In this sense, you can make a Habit Contract. This is similar to leveraging support, expect instead of using competition as your motivator, you will use consequences. You must make a contract with others, stating that if you break it then the punishment must be enacted. Have 2-3 trustworthy people sign off on it to keep you in check. In the contract, state your desired goal or habit, write out your plan, and what will happen if you break it. It would be really good if you could have a paper copy of this, having everyone sign it, including yourself. Put it somewhere that will remind you of your goal. An example of this could be on your phone wallpaper. If you would like to spend less time on your phone, create a contract that states you will only have 1 hour of screen time each day (you can customize this more to exclude phone calls or specifically not looking at social media). At the end of each day you will send a screenshot of the screen time you had to one of your accountability partners. The consequence of going over an hour may be paying all your accountability partners 1 dollar for every minute you went over. Or everyday you go over your hour of screen time, you have to give your phone up the next day. Pick something that is reasonable (won’t break the budget or leave you without communication in case of an emergency) but would motivate you enough to break the habit. As you improve on this bad habit, you can up the ante by increasing the consequences, like if you go over your screen time you will have to use a flip phone for a week or pay your friends more money.

As you go about breaking old habits and forming new ones, make sure you do not form an identity attachment. Do not attach your worth and who you are to one aspect of yourself. That leaves you unable to adapt to new situations. If you ever lose that aspect of yourself then you’ll lose your identity. I think a great example of this is Doctor Strange. He was a renowned doctor with extremely steady hands. Once he lost his ability to perform surgery, he lost his sense of self and his life went spiraling down. Luckily, Doctor Strange was able to redefine himself. Redefining yourself involves focusing on more constant aspects of yourself than temporary ones. Instead of “I am an athlete,” say “I am someone who is tough and loves a physical challenge.” Instead of saying, “I am an artist,” say “I am creative and intelligent.” In the case of Doctor Strange, he changed his mindset from, “I was a doctor but now without my hands I am nothing,” to “I am a quick learner, I am intelligent, and I love a challenge.” By thinking this way, you will maintain confidence in yourself no matter what happens. You’ll be able to break old habits and adopt new ones with more ease.