Barriers to Compassion

As humans, we have the capacity for compassion. Why don't we always feel it or respond to it when compassion is warranted? Why do we seem to act selfishly at some times and compassionately at other times? A short answer is that we are managing some competing drives shaped by evolution; a more primal self-focused/self-preservation drive, and a more recently evolved capacity for compassion probably shaped by group selection (i.e., groups of individuals that had more compassionate behaviors were more likely to survive by helping each other). In any case, we often run into barriers to compassion that are unnecessary and often work against our own well-being. Being aware of these potential barriers puts us in a better position to avoid them, allowing our capacity for compassion to be fully expressed.  

Disidentification

Because compassion requires identification with others, the absence of compassion involves some degree of disidentification, of seeing others as different from ourselves. Compassion may not naturally be extended to those we see as alien. Another term for this process is "othering." To use an extreme example, in the perpetration of atrocities or brutalities, often the victims are defined by the perpetrators as not being a part of them or not being like them. Different groups or races have often been seen as not human or not possessing the same level of humanity as those who see themselves as superior. Anything we do to disidentify with others, to put up barriers, to draw lines where they don’t need to exist, to put ourselves above or below others (or put others above or below us), or to see others as markedly different from us - these things impede compassion.

Be cautious when you hear someone (particularly someone in authority) use the language of disidentification or othering. It's often done to promote the cohesiveness of the in-group, but this approach may do more harm than good. Consider these words from Nelson Mandela: “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” Compassion will find its natural expression when we focus on all the aspects of our common humanity with others.

Selfishness and the Illusion of Separateness

Two other things that get in the way of compassion are selfishness and the illusion of separateness. In order to identify with others, we must move beyond selfishness, or preoccupation with the centrality of the self - the very normal human idea that we are at the center of our world. Our common tendency to think that the world revolves around us sometimes makes it difficult to remember that others think that very same thing. We are so constantly seeking our own happiness (often through frantic or ineffective means) that we don’t realize that others are seeking the same - freedom from pain and suffering. Alasdair MacIntyre (1966), a Scottish philosopher, said in his book A Short History of Ethics that “to feel compassion is to put oneself imaginatively in the place of the sufferer and to alter one’s actions appropriately either by desisting from what would have caused pain or by devoting oneself to its relief. But the exhibiting of compassion has yet a further significance. In a moment of compassion we extinguish self-will. We cease to strive for our own existence; we are relieved from the burden of individuality and we cease to be the playthings of Will” (p. 22).

Often, we aren’t empathetic because the illusion of self gets in the way. We frequently think of ourselves as something permanent, unchanging, and separate from others, when really our ‘selves’ are ever-changing and very much dependent and interconnected with others. (For those familiar with the Buddhist idea of no-self or anatta, that would fit in here.) When we can let go of our tightly held grip on our view of the self as being independent from others, others’ suffering can touch us almost as much as our own. We can set aside our comforts to alleviate another’s suffering because it is our suffering, too. The distinction between self and others which “to wicked man is so great a gulf, belongs only to fleeting, deceptive phenomenon” (Schopenhauer, 1969, p. 372). In a similar vein, Thomas Merton said, "Compassion is the keen awareness of the interdependence of all things." (See our module on Interconnectedness for more on this!)

Cultural Factors

Finally, some authors have emphasized cultural factors as being potential barriers to compassion. Specifically, western culture's emphasis on individualism and independence may put westerners at a disadvantage for cultivating compassion relative to those from more collectivistic cultures (Lopez et al., 2015). Relative to eastern culture, western culture seems to emphasize a love of competition, desire for pleasure, avoidance of pain, constant distraction, and glorification of a stoic independence. It may be that compassion comes less naturally to those from a western background because of the western view that happiness comes from living a life free of constraints, being free to exercise power in pursuit of personal excellence and individual goals (this view dates back to the Greeks). In this kind of social milieu, the expression of compassion may be less common than in collectivistic cultures that emphasize interdependence and shared responsibility for family/group/community well-being.