By Joseph Shearer
“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Have you ever caught yourself thinking about the future so deeply that you lost consciousness of the present? It is natural to wonder what tomorrow will bring. Many of us like to be prepared for unknown surprises. This becomes a problem, however, when we worry about challenges before they arrive. Why is this a problem? Because flooding our minds with too many thoughts of the future limits our ability to focus on the present! Ironically, this often creates greater challenges for today. Instead of stressing about events that haven’t even happened yet, we can use our brain power to embrace our current situation and enjoy it more fully. This liberating exercise is called savoring and is deeply connected to mindfulness, which is a term you might be more familiar with. Savoring gives us the power to extend the value of our experiences. In other words, savoring turns the details of our lives into the delights of our lives and makes them last longer. Isn’t that exciting to think about?
“It is difficult to live in and enjoy the moment when you are thinking about the past or worrying about the future. You cannot change your past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about your future. Learn from the past, plan for the future. The more you live in and enjoy the present moment, the happier you will be.”
How can I stop worrying about the future in order to better savor today?
Let’s talk about the principle first and then we’ll get to the plan. Clearly there is a difference between being prepared for the future and being paralyzed by it, but what does that look like exactly? Preparation involves plan-making and goal-setting. Paralysis, on the other hand, often comes from over-analyzing the possible outcomes. The distinction here is whether we focus on what we can control or what we cannot control. Concentrating on things outside of our control is not only ineffective, it can be severely debilitating! In contrast, making plans and setting goals is healthy, sets us up for success, and leads to personal growth.
Planning is a powerful and wonderful tool to shape our lives. But let’s face it, there is only so much planning you can do before you begin falling into the trap of paralysis. Here are two different methods to help you prepare for tomorrow so you can then focus on savoring today:
Set SMART goals (I prefer Dr. Warren’s adaptation over the original version). Set goals that are Specific and not vague so that you can more easily know if you are accomplishing them. Focus on goals that are Meaningful to you. Make sure that your goals are also Adaptive, which means that they help you become the person you want to be. If your goals are not Realistic, they can be too discouraging to pursue. The last step is to make sure they are Time-framed; this helps you set a date by which you will have accomplished your goal, thus increasing accountability.
Use the WOOP method (backed up by decades of research by Gabrielle Oettingen). First decide on a Wish that is exciting and motivating. Then think about what an Outcome of that goal would look like. The most crucial part of this process is identifying likely personal Obstacles that could arise. Once you have identified these obstacles, create a Plan to overcome them if they arise; make an if/then statement such as “if ____ happens, then I will ____.” This method helps you develop a clear vision for what you want to accomplish and empowers you to fight for your dreams.
What if I’m already stressed about the future?
Those are some helpful strategies to avoid entering paralysis, but what can you do if you already feel paralyzed about tomorrow? Don’t worry, positive psychology can rescue you from a destructive mindset just as much as it can help you maintain a constructive mindset. Try implementing the strategies below:
Take a step back from your concerns and make a conscious effort to be mindful of the present. Focus on what is around you and what you are feeling. Embrace your experiences and emotions with acceptance (not wanting to change anything). Try savoring the journey of working toward something.
Calmly ask yourself if you have planned and prepared for tomorrow using the steps outlined above. If you do not have a plan, shift into a planning mindset and remain calm while following the steps above. If you do have a plan, ask yourself if there is something you should be doing to accomplish your goals. If there is, go to work and feel empowered that you are doing your best. If there is not, take a deep breath and savor the present, know that you have done all you can and deserve the chance to be happy.
No matter where you are in accomplishing your goals, be kind and have self-compassion for yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend if they were going through the same challenge.
Don’t fall into the trap of believing that you’ll be happier once you reach your goal. Psychology has proven that we just adapt to future events and don’t actually increase in happiness. Does that mean you should give up on your goal? Absolutely not! This is a chance for personal growth! Just understand that the present is as good a time as any to experience happiness.
The greatest news of all is that with a solid plan you can stop thinking ahead and start participating in the present. After all, goals are only accomplished through our work in the present! Stay mindful, savor the journey, have self-compassion, and you can be happy on the way to achieving personal growth, not just once you get there. Good luck!