My Best Self 101 Blog
Please join me on a quick imaginative journey. You are enjoying a sunny day on the beach and decide to go for a swim. As you head to the ocean, you don’t quite make it around the piece of driftwood in your path and end up getting cut. Instead of taking the time to clean and put a band-aid on the cut you get angry and rub sand into the cut, making it worse. Now, you may be thinking, “Why would I do that? That is just going to hurt me further? Why not help myself instead?”
We often think of awe as a solitary experience when witnessing a beautiful sight. It absolutely can be. However, awe can also be very powerful when experienced with others (Graziosi & Yaden, 2021). When I think of awe experiences that I’ve had through social interactions, various blurs of uncontrollable laughs shared with friends come to mind, along with eye-opening moments from small group discussions or that hair-raising connection felt at large gatherings. One experience from a few years ago particularly stands out, though, in the way it has impacted me since.
It was a sunny December day, and I was sitting behind the desk at work, unsuspecting of anything other than a normal Tuesday. I began chatting with a coworker seated next to me, mostly about our plans for the upcoming year and difficult career decisions my coworker was working through. Hoping to shift the conversation to something more encouraging, I asked him if there was anything fun and not stressful going on in his life.
“Wow, I can’t believe I just ate that much?!” “I hate the way I look.” “I’m too big.” “I’m too small.” “I wish I looked like that person.” “If only I could lose 15 more pounds, then I’d look great.” Have you ever had any thoughts like these? I know I have. The human body is an incredible miracle that most people aren’t satisfied with. Everyone has things that they don’t like about themselves; usually, physical qualities find themselves in this category. So, what do you do about it? Contemporary Western culture (and most cultures around the world) would say that dieting is the perfect solution. However, what does this “perfect solution” really look like?
Many people go on all sorts of diets (or more popularly stated, wholesome, clean, simple, wellness, or healthy lifestyles) to try and get the “perfect body.” Whether you self-diagnose as gluten-free, do a juice fast, have no sugar, do the keto diet, or any other restrictive eating plan, the goal is most likely to lose weight and feel better. Now, before I go on, I want to make it clear that if you have a real, diagnosed medical condition, then by all means follow whatever diet is beneficial for your health. However, in most cases, people decide for themselves to go on a diet with no official medical need. If you are one of those people, then listen up.
Positive affirmations are often referenced in circles of self-improvement, encouraging Pinterest boards, and health magazines, but they aren’t often discussed in the realm of positive psychology. Affirmations are just statements about oneself, but the public view is split on whether affirmations are good or not; some people view them only as wishful thinking, while others recite their affirmations daily like a spiritual mantra. The scientific view of positive affirmations, however, depends on which type you’re talking about; there are a couple of different theories about affirmations, and it turns out that we affirm ourselves in different ways.
When you hear the word compassion, what do you think of? You may think of comforting a friend who is grieving the loss of a loved one, visiting an elderly neighbor who is lonely, or simply hugging your sister who just went through a difficult breakup. Most people understand the general concept of compassion, which is “the emotional experience of seeing another’s suffering and being moved to try to alleviate that suffering” (Hansen & Warren, n.d.). For most of us, when we see a loved one going through a difficult situation and experiencing painful emotions, our natural instinct is to want to help them in order to ease their pain. It’s hard to watch someone you care about suffer.
I’m not sure how or when it started, but as I think back on my life I can remember many times I have been very cruel to myself. As you might guess, this is a very unhealthy way of living. Even so, I assumed what I experienced was pretty normal. I heard other people talk about how they are hard on themselves. As I graduated High School, people around me noticed how my own thoughts were affecting me and got me help. I finally understood that my self critical way of thinking was wrong. Luckily, I soon discovered positive psychology, my way of improving myself again. I have tried many positive psychology strategies to improve my own well-being, all of which have helped me in different ways. As I experimented with positive psychology strategies, I found mindful compassion to be one of the most helpful strategies when it comes to my self-deprecating thoughts.
Women are two times as likely to be depressed as men—not the most light-hearted way to begin this, but it’s true! Researchers have spent a long time trying to figure out what leads to this gender difference in mental health. One particular theory devised by Dana Crowley Jack in 1991 describes a phenomenon somewhat unique to the social expectations placed on women. It’s called the Silencing the Self Theory.
Self-love is characterized in much the same way as love for other people is. Learning to love myself has meant acknowledging that I am a unique human being with something positive to offer the world. I have flaws and acknowledge them, but I recognize that I am no more flawed than other people! When I make a mistake, I no longer relentlessly punish myself for it—even after those I’ve wronged have forgiven me. I appreciate the fact that I have the capability to see areas where I can improve, become better, and work toward growth! My mistakes are no longer indicative of inherent flaws that I will never shake off; they are indicative of the fact that I can grow.
