By Jordan Evans
“Change is not a threat, it’s an opportunity. Survival is not the goal, transformation is”
Being a freshman in college opens up many new opportunities and experiences. You are finally on your own, and now are considered a full fledged member of the adult world, even if you don't feel like one. However, in many cases this transition into independence can seem more like a monstrous moth hatching when instead you were hoping for a beautiful butterfly. Research has shown that, “6% and 12% of transition-age youth, defined as young adults ages 16-25, struggle with a serious mental health condition.” (Fosbenner & Al-Mateen, 2019) Change is hard. Especially if you are just moving out from home and wanting to make your own place in this world. It can be scary, overwhelming, and exhausting. You have to work to pay for college, housing, groceries, bills, transportation, and so on. All while making sure to get good grades, and maintaining a social life. Which, don't even get me started on the stress of also juggling a love life. I would know, I am experiencing it first hand. However, I believe that even amongst this growing anxiety and problems we are all capable of rising above it and living a much happier/healthier life. It all comes down to these 4 key points that can make all the difference.
First, we must exercise self-compassion. “Self-Compassion is extending to yourself the same kindness and care that you would offer to a good friend.”(Warren & Hansen, 2024) Now, “Research indicates that self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of coping and resilience we have available, radically improving our mental and physical wellbeing. It motivates us to make changes and reach our goals not because we’re inadequate, but because we care and want to be happy.” ( Neff, 2024) Self-Compassion in myopinion is the foundation for all the key steps in being able to overcome the challenges of change. The reason why is because I have seen it be my foundation. I noticed that no matter what new experiences, or struggles I was facing if I wasn’t exercising self-compassion I wasn't going to be able to face any of it. I was too scared to experience change because I didn’t believe I could change or accomplish the amazing things of adulthood. I also felt like a failure when facing challenges without even failing yet. My mindset was very negative towards myself and therefore I wasn’t giving or allowing myself to really grow. That is, until I finally decided to show myself some self-compassion. Then I noticed I began to practice The other 3 key parts because I had allowed myself to finally embrace who I was and show myself some love.
Secondly, we must be practicing Mindfulness. “Mindfulness is a healthy awareness of thoughts, emotions, and experiences that we can apply to everyday circumstances to live a rich and joyful life.” (Warren & Farely, 2024) It is very important that when we are going through all these new changes that we are being mindful of what is happeningaround us. When I first started using mindfulness I realized I wasn't actually being aware of my thoughts and emotions like I should have been. I was at a point in my life that all I could feel was stress and I just seemed to accept it. I told myself things like, “This will go away eventually.” “Everyone experiences this at my age.” or “there's nothing I can do about it.”But this isn't the case. I didn't have to feel this way and a big step towards that change was mindfulness. From my experience I learned that I had to accept the challenges I was facing in life, let my emotions flow through this, and finally let go of all the negative feelings I had. I decided to be more grateful, positive, and optimistic even during the hard times. In doing so, I noticed a big change in my outlook on life already. Also, research has shown that, “Among its theorized benefits are self-control, objectivity, affect tolerance, enhanced flexibility, equanimity, improved concentration and mental clarity, emotional intelligence and the ability to relate to others and one's self with kindness, acceptance and compassion.” (Davis, 2012)
Thirdly, we must be practicing savoring. “Savoring involves mindful awareness of positive experiences to prolong and amplify their value.”(Warren & Park, 2024) So savoring can be broken down like this; “employing savoring strategies associated with three different time dimensions: mentally reflecting upon past positive experiences (reminiscing), mindfully attending to positive experiences in the moment (moment), and contemplating positive experiences likely to occur in the future.” (Klibert et al., 2022) Once I started to use mindfulness in my life I noticed I still had a habit of being consumed by my problems even though I was working through them. That is when I decided I need to be focusing more on happier experiences and try to really let those positive experiences sink in, no matter how big or small they were. For example, usually when I get a bad grade on one of exams my entire day or honestly week is ruined. However, the last time I got a bad grade I had also received a compliment about how I looked that day. So, I decided to focus on that happy feeling instead of the bad one because no matter what I knew I couldn't change the past and only look towards a more positive future. There was no point in making myself upset over something I no longer could control.
Lastly; experiencing Engaged Living is critical. “Engaged Living is consistently moving in the direction of one’s values, even in the face of obstacles. Despite our best intentions to pursue our goals, roadblocks often arise and derail us.” Much like the famous Fortnite streaming audio that was blowing up on social media, we must “NEVERBACKDOWN,NEVERWHAT?” “Nevergiveup.” It is imperative that no matter what life throws at us we must continue to move forward towards our goals while staying true to our values. For example, while I was facing a really hard situation in relation to a goal I had, I noticed that I was beginning to lose sight of certain values, like empathy and patience towards others. However, once I started to practice engaged living I became aware of what was happening and caught myself before it became worse. I then made sure from that moment on that no matter what, I wasn't going to lose sight of my personal values because that is what makes me who I am today.
So, the four key parts are Self-compassion, Mindfulness, and Savorying. When you practice and live by them you will be able to see how no matter how hard transitioning into independence can be, you will be able to handle it like a champ because you will have tools that you need to overcome it.
“Light precedes every transition. Whether at the end of a tunnel, through a crack in the door or the flash of an idea, it is always there, heralding a new beginning.”
References
Neff, K. (2024, April 13). Compassion by Kristin Neff. Self. https://self-compassion.org/#:~:text=About%20Self%20Compassion&text=Research%20indicates%20that%20self%2Dcompassion,and%20want%20to%20be%20happy
Klibert, J. J., Sturz, B. R., LeLeux-LaBarge, K., Hatton, A., Smalley, K. B., & Warren, J. C. (2022, March 1). Savoring interventions increase positive emotions after a social-evaluative hassle. Frontiers. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.791040/full
Davis, D. M. (n.d.). What are the benefits of mindfulness?. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/ce-corner
Warren , J., & Hansen, olivia. (n.d.). Self-compassion. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/self-compassion
Fosbenner, S., & Al-Mateen, C. (2019, June 10). Challenges faced by transitional-age youth with mental health concerns. Psychiatry.org. https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/challenges-transitional-age-youth-withmhconcerns#:~:text=The%20difficulties%20inherent%20in%20transitioning,a%20serious%20mental%20health%20condition
Warren , J., & Farely, C. (2024). Mindfulness. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/mindfulness
Warren, J., & Park, S. Y. (2024). Savoring. My Best Self 101. https://www.mybestself101.org/savoring