By MiKaela Ahlstrom
“A short practice that you do every day is better than a long practice you keep putting off to tomorrow.”
Have you ever played “Would You Rather?” When my brother was little, he loved this game, and it seemed like he was constantly coming up with the most random scenarios that he could think of, like “Would you rather break both legs or have to eat moldy cheese for every meal?” Now that we’re older, my brother and I don’t play this game much anymore. However, we still face real-life “Would You Rather” decisions every day, such as:
● Would you rather get out of bed when your alarm goes off or snooze for a few more minutes?
● Would you rather start on your tasks right away or scroll on social media for a bit (or a lot) longer?
● Would you rather do one more set in your exercise routine or stop once your muscles start to burn?
We are constantly deciding how to spend our time, energy, and resources, and prioritizing our long-term goals over short-term pleasures can be challenging (I did not, in fact, get out of bed the first time my alarm went off this morning). Making difficult choices often requires a considerable amount of willpower, and understanding how to successfully draw upon our willpower can make a significant difference in both our efforts and outcomes.
This is the main premise of Dr. Kelly McGonigal’s book, The Willpower Instinct, which explores research-backed ways to develop more self-control. Let’s review a few of the principles she discusses in her book—I hope they will help you harness your own willpower more effectively!
Understand When Your Willpower Fails
The first step toward increasing your willpower is figuring out the reasons why your willpower sometimes falls short. “Knowing how you are likely to give in doesn’t, as many people fear, set yourself up for failure. It allows you to support yourself and avoid the traps that lead to willpower failures” (McGonigal, 2012, p. 4). Self-awareness helps us recognize the cues that trigger our decisions so that we can respond to them in more productive ways moving forward. For example, say that Maria sets the goal to consume less surgery foods. After paying attention to her eating habits, particularly when they are not aligned with her goals, she discovers that she frequently pulls out the tub of ice cream whenever she experiences a lot of stress. Maria identifies stress as a major factor that contributes to her lack of willpower, and she makes a plan to go for a 15-minute walk when she feels overwhelmed rather than reach for a dessert.
Willpower strategy: “This week, commit to watching how the process of giving in to your impulses happens. You don’t even need to set a goal to improve your self-control yet. See if you can catch yourself earlier and earlier in the process, noticing what thoughts, feelings, and situations are most likely to prompt the impulse” (McGonigal, 2012, p. 23).
Strengthen Your Mind Through Meditation
The words “mindfulness” and “meditation” have become quite the buzzwords in the self-help world recently. However, research indicates that regularly practicing mindfulness, which involves focusing one’s attention on the present moment, can bring a host of benefits, including greater capacity for self-control. One study found that the brains of individuals who regularly meditated were significantly larger in regions related to attention and impulse control than the non-meditating comparison group, suggesting that meditation can literally rewire the brain to become stronger (Luders et al., 2009). You don’t need to have any previous experience with or talent for meditating to begin reaping the benefits—in fact, Dr. McGonigal (2012) notes that “being ‘bad’ at meditation is exactly what makes the practice effective” (p. 27). As you redirect your attention to the present moment whenever you get distracted, you are training your brain not to give in to impulses. Then, the next time you feel the urge to check your phone while working on an important project, for example, you may find that your ability to overcome that temptation has increased.
Willpower strategy: Get into the habit of practicing mindfulness regularly. Dr. McGonigal (2012) recommends a “five-minute brain-training meditation. Focus on your breath using the words ‘inhale’ and ‘exhale’ in your mind. When your mind wanders, notice, and bring it back to the breath” (p. 29). Alternatively, you can try this guided body scan meditation available in the My Best Self 101 Mindfulness Module, or check out other helpful resources here.
Lean on Social Support
You may be familiar with the quote, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” commonly attributed to author Jim Rohn. The underlying idea is that, as social creatures, we are heavily influenced by those around us—for better or for worse. One study found that people were 171% more likely to become obese if one of their friends became obese (Christakis & Fowler, 2009). Similar results have been found in the opposite direction: When one friend stopped smoking, the other friend was 43% more likely to stop too (Christakis & Fowler, 2008). These findings suggest that our social networks can play a big role in whether we successfully overcome our willpower challenges. Think about your own close relationships. What kind of influence are they having on you? Is there a way you can leverage your relationships to become more disciplined?
Willpower strategy: “You don’t have to conquer your willpower challenge alone. Is there a friend, family member, or coworker who could join you in your willpower goals? You don’t have to have the same goals; just checking in and encouraging each other can provide a boost of social support to your self-control” (McGonigal, 2012, p. 206).
Additional Willpower Strategies
Reduce the variability: “Aim to reduce the variability of your behavior day to day. View every choice you make as a commitment to all future choices. So instead of asking, “Do I want to eat this candy bar now?” ask yourself, “Do I want the consequences of eating a candy bar every afternoon for the next year?” Or if you’ve been putting something off that you know you should do, instead of asking ‘Would I rather do this today or tomorrow?” ask yourself, “Do I really want the consequences of always putting this off?” (McGonigal, 2012, p. 96).
WOOP: Dr. McGonigal discusses the importance of making a plan for how to overcome obstacles that may arise in the process of exercising self-control. Although she doesn’t refer to this strategy as “WOOP,” it essentially follows the same steps that are laid out in the "Goal Achievement: The Magic of WOOP” page of the My Best Self 101 Personal Growth Module. Check it out for an explanation of how this strategy works.
Wait ten minutes: “Institute a mandatory ten-minute wait for any temptation. If, in ten minutes, you still want it, you can have it—but before the ten minutes are up, bring to mind the competing long-term reward that will come with resisting temptation… You can [also] use the ten-minute rule to help you overcome the temptation to procrastinate. Flip the rule to ‘Do ten minutes, then you can quit.’ When your ten minutes are up, give yourself permission to stop—although you may find that once you get started, you’ll want to keep going” (McGonigal, 2012, p. 161).
A Final Note
Let me propose one last “Would You Rather” scenario to you: “Would you rather invest some time and effort into strengthening your willpower, or stick to your usual habits and continue struggling with the same challenges?” Developing self-discipline is not an easy task, but I believe that the payoff is worth it. If you’re interested in learning more about the science behind willpower or are looking for other practical ways to improve, be sure to pick up your own copy of The Willpower Instinct.
Want to learn more about how to harness your willpower? The Mindfulness module on My Best Self 101 is a great place to look!!
“The development of willpower—I will, I won’t and I want—may define what it means to be human.”
References
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2007). The spread of obesity in a large social network over 32 years. The New England Journal of Medicine, 357(4), 370–379. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa066082
Christakis, N. A., & Fowler, J. H. (2008). The collective dynamics of smoking in a large social network. The New England Journal of Medicine, 358(21), 2249–2258. https://doi.org/10.1056/NEJMsa0706154
Luders, E., Toga, A. W., Lepore, N., & Gaser, C. (2009). The underlying anatomical correlates of long-term meditation: Larger hippocampal and frontal volumes of gray matter. NeuroImage, 45(3), 672–678. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuroimage.2008.12.061
McGonigal, K. (2012). The willpower instinct: How self-control works, why it matters, and what you can do to get more of it. Penguin Group.