By Thomas Rowan
“Never confuse movement with action.”
Most people find that accomplishing goals is satisfying and that life has greater meaning and purpose when we’re checking things off. Why wouldn’t we? Accomplishing goals helps us move toward our values. Overcoming obstacles gives us a sense of pride in ourselves and our ability to do hard things. However, if you’re anything like me, sometimes the process can become more important than accomplishing the actual goal. We get caught up in everything surrounding the goal and lose track of the “doing” part. Let me explain.
A new goal to strive for, a new hobby to get into, or a new habit to integrate can bring a lot of initial excitement. We fantasize about all the ways our lives are going to be better and how this new change will make all the difference.
Let’s say our new goal is to run a marathon, and we want to integrate running into our daily or weekly habits. We buy a new pair of running shoes and start hitting the pavement. Over time, our instagram algorithm somehow learns that we’re training for a marathon, and we start seeing reels and posts from runners all over the world. Some of these can be helpful and exciting to watch—it feels great to say we belong to a global community of “runners.”
Without recognizing it, we also start seeing running posts with bold titles like “5 Terrible Running Mistakes,” “Why I Never Run on Tuesdays,” or “The Best Pre-Run Meal.” While I may have made those titles up just now, you get the idea.
This can turn into a slippery slope. We watch people prepping for runs or workouts and start thinking we’re doing everything wrong. We don’t have sleek running shoes or matching outfits. We’re not eating breakfast out of aesthetic bowls. Somehow, we’re sweating double the average influencer. And we certainly aren’t smiling and skipping for joy at miles 5, 7, or 10 of our run.
The questions start creeping in: Should I buy those fancy supplements? Should I start waking up at 4 a.m. to do my morning routine? Do I need to run every single day? How much is a cold plunge tub, and should I sell the kids’ playset to make room for it in the backyard?
It’s no mystery why a seemingly simple goal like running more regularly can start to feel impossible and overwhelming. In fact, research shows that holding ourselves to strict and unrealistic standards like these, actually puts us at greater risk for failure and disappointment compared to others (Flett & Hewitt, 2015). And that’s when the self-criticism and feelings of inadequacy kick in (O’Connor et al., 2010).
Too often, I’ve fallen into the belief trap that progress necessitates perfection. I shouldn’t exercise today because I don’t have a full hour, I’m a little tired, and there will probably be traffic on the way to the gym. I can’t start writing my paper because I need to clean the kitchen, sweep the floors, and vacuum the house—and obviously, my writing is better when my house is clean.
Unfortunately, procrastination like this has been linked to lower self-control and impulsiveness (Steel, 2007). Which makes sense. If I’m not training myself to stick with things or work hard even when it’s not perfect, chances are I’ll keep waiting for “ideal” circumstances to pursue my goals. And if I mess up? Research shows that perfectionist attitudes can make even a small performance flaw feel like a total disaster—when it’s really just a speed bump (Stoeber, 2014).
The truth is, most of the tasks we pile onto ourselves are just busywork. Sure, optimizing everything around a new habit or hobby can look cool, but if we’re not careful, those things that feel like progress can actually be ways of procrastinating the real work. We don’t need a 35-minute yoga routine,a colorful and “superfood” rich meal, and a mountain of supplements before a run for it to be successful. Personally, I’ve found that eating a bland bowl of oatmeal, sipping some water, and throwing on my high school track t-shirt is just as effective as participating in what I’ll call “influencer prep.”
As author Steve Magness wrote,
“Routines are great. But they are supposed to support doing the thing... not become the thing in and of itself.”
According to social media, everything—exercise, cooking, cleaning, even going to bed—needs to be optimized and aesthetic. Our lives need perfect lighting and the “vibiest” playlist playing in the background. But the reality? Accomplishment usually happens in the background when no one is watching. It’s messy, unsexy, inconvenient, and uncomfortable. That doesn’t sound like what I see on Instagram.
In fact, most of what we see in these “routine” videos adds what James Clear refers to as “friction”. In his book, Atomic Habits, he recommends that to build long-lasting and effective habits, we need to reduce friction—anything that makes it harder to stick to a habit or accomplish a goal. This can include things like having to pick out workout clothes or find a laptop charger before writing an essay. By removing steps from the process, we’re more likely to make progress.
If it takes us over an hour to prepare for a 3-mile jog, there’s a good chance we’re overcomplicating the process. As Magness also said, “The purpose of a routine is to remove decision fatigue and reduce resistance—not showcase how ‘disciplined’ you are.” If you look at individuals who are truly great at what they do, you’ll notice they consistently put in boring, monotonous work. They’re not worried about showcasing the newest health trend or posting their gym outfit of the day.
Again—progress is quiet and messy.
What made Cristiano Ronaldo one of the best soccer players in the world? He played a lot of soccer. What made Chopin a great musician? He played and wrote a lot of music. What made Katie Ledecky the most dominant swimmer in the world? She swam a lot of laps. Even when it was hard. Even when it was inconvenient. Even when the lighting was bad. These individuals showed up and put in the work required to be great.
Want to learn more about resilience and making messy progress? Check out the Growth Habits module on My Best Self 101!!
“This is no time for ease and comfort. It is time to dare and endure.”
References
Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2015). Managing perfectionism and the excessive striving that undermines flourishing: Implications for leading the perfect life. In R. J. Burke, K. M. Page, & C. L. Cooper (Eds.), Flourishing in life, work and careers: Individual wellbeing and career experiences (pp. 45–66). Edward Elgar Publishing. https://doi.org/10.4337/9781783474103.00011
O'Connor, R. C., Rasmussen, S., & Hawton, K. (2010). Predicting depression, anxiety and self-harm in adolescents: the role of perfectionism and acute life stress. Behaviour research and therapy, 48(1), 52–59. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2009.09.008
Steel P. (2007). The nature of procrastination: a meta-analytic and theoretical review of quintessential self-regulatory failure. Psychological bulletin, 133(1), 65–94. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.133.1.65
Stoeber, J. (2014). How other-oriented perfectionism differs from self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioral Assessment, 36(2), 329–338. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10862-013-9397-7