By Kathleen Ririe
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
Everyone knows that feeling all too well. The “mmm hmmm” without even a glance up. The “just a second -let me respond to this text”, right as we’re about to hit the climax of the story we’re sharing. The family gathered around a table with not one looking up from their device. There is nothing that kills social connection quite so aptly as untimely mobile device usage. In fact, this issue is so universal that psychologists have actually given it an official term– “phubbing”. Phubbing, or ignoring ones partner or those who are physically present in order to pay attention to ones phone. Researchers studying “phubbing” have found that this phone-snubbing can greatly harm social interactions, decrease trust, reduce relationship satisfaction, and can increase feelings of neglect and emotional distress (Chotpitayasunondh & Douglas, 2018; Nazir & Bulut, 2020). If phubbing is such a destructive habit, why are so many prone to succumbing to the allure of the phone in exchange for all these less than desirable outcomes? Adolescents are especially susceptible to phone distractions due to their innate desire for belonging (Wang et. al, 2017). With the holidays approaching here are 3 actionable tips to increase social connection during events and avoid the connection-depriving habit of phubbing.
1. Designate phone free spaces:
In a technology-driven world, taking a break from mobile devices can provide opportunities for increased social interaction. In fact, researchers from Baylor University described the benefits of creating “smartphone-free” zones by removing phones from sight to significantly enhance the quality of social interactions and reduce the temptation to check phones in social settings Individuals reported feeling more present and focused and consequently more deeply connected to those around them (David & Roberts, 2017). Phone-free spaces can be especially important during mealtimes where researchers have reported significant benefits to both mental and physical health through the simple act of sharing a meal (Fulkerson et. al, 2014; Utter et. al, 2016).
Action Step:
Create a “phone basket” or another similar designated space for guests to park their mobile devices at your holiday parties this year.
2. Be Intentionally Present
Jim Elliot one said, “Wherever you are- be all there.” With so many technological distractions, it may feel awkward to sit in a holiday gathering without the family and comfortable feeling of having your cell phone out to engage with during any breaks in conversation. Our world has conditioned our minds to be constantly buzzing from one thought to the next without any space between. Dr. Jared Warren, creator of the My Best Self 101 website advocates for mindfulness practices that prioritize engagement in conversations. Being mindful and fully present can deepen bonds with family and friends during gatherings, which research has consistently linked with increased well-being (Warren, 2023; David, 2022). Read more about mindfulness and creating true presence in this full module from MyBestSelf101.org.
Action Step:
During a holiday event, pause multiple times to check in with your 5 senses. Ask yourself what you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear. Look those to are talking to in the eye and really see them. Try to taste each bite of food.
3. Savor the Moment
Savoring is the companion to mindful presence. With mindful presence, the focus is on identifying what you are experiencing in that moment. Savoring takes this a step further by being deliberate about allowing the positive emotions experienced to really sink in. Savoring does not come naturally to many of us, so if it feels a little forced in the beginning, you are not alone. To learn more about savoring and get researched-backed ideas for putting this skill into practice, consider exploring this full module on savoring.
Action Step:
When you notice a positive emotion—that spark of holiday spirit—during a festive event, see if you can focus on that feeling while you deeply breathe in for 5 counts. Even just a few moments of focus can enhance that good feeling and produce the good effects of savoring. By creating phone-free zones and conversations, cultivating true presence, and savoring the moment you can create space for memorable moments this holiday season. Resist the urge to get stuck in the rut of snubbing those around you for the easy yet less satisfying interaction with your phone. Put a stop to phubbing this holiday season- yo’ll be glad you did! Don’t let you phone steal the holiday cheer—enjoy the moment and be fully here!
“Wherever you are, be all there.”
References
Chotpitayasunondh, V., & Douglas, K. M. (2018). The effects of “phubbing” on social interaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 48(6), 304-316. https://doi.org/10.1111/jasp.12506
David, M. E., & Roberts, J. A. (2017). People who are “phone snubbed” by others often turn to their own phones, social media for acceptance. Baylor University Media and Public Relations. Retrieved from https://news.web.baylor.edu
Fulkerson, J. A., Larson, N., Horning, M., & Neumark-Sztainer, D. (2014). A review of associations between family or shared mealtime and nutritional health and well-being outcomes in youth. Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, 46(1), 2-19. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2013.07.012
Karadag, E., Tosuntas, S. B., Erzen, E., Duru, P., Bostan, N., Sahin, B. M., & Babadag, B. (2015). Determinants of phubbing, which affects social relationships: A structural equation model. Computers in Human Behavior, 53, 289-294. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.014
Nazir, T., & Bulut, S. (2020). The effect of phubbing on romantic relationships. Current Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-020-00671-x
Roberts, J. A., & David, M. E. (2016). My life has become a major distraction from my cell phone: Partner phubbing and relationship satisfaction among romantic partners. Computers in Human Behavior, 54, 134-141. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058
Utter, J., Denny, S., Lucassen, M., & Dyson, B. (2016). Family meals and adolescent emotional well-being: Findings from a national study. Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior, 48(5), 292-298. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jneb.2016.02.010
Wang, P., Xie, X., Wang, X., Wang, Y., Zhao, F., Chu, X., & Lei, L. (2017). The need to belong and adolescent phubbing: The mediating role of alienation. Journal of Adolescence, 59, 37-47. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.05.003
Warren, J. (2023). Mindful presence and its role in relationship satisfaction: Fostering connection through focus. Brigham Young University Psychology Review, 35(2), 105-121.