By Coral Van Noy
“To be connected is to recognize the awe in our shared humanity, the beauty in our differences, and the strength in our unity.”
We often think of awe as a solitary experience when witnessing a beautiful sight. It absolutely can be. However, awe can also be very powerful when experienced with others (Graziosi & Yaden, 2021).
When I think of awe experiences that I’ve had through social interactions, various blurs of uncontrollable laughs shared with friends come to mind, along with eye-opening moments from small group discussions or that hair-raising connection felt at large gatherings. One experience from a few years ago particularly stands out, though, in the way it has impacted me since.
It was a sunny December day, and I was sitting behind the desk at work, unsuspecting of anything other than a normal Tuesday. I began chatting with a coworker seated next to me, mostly about our plans for the upcoming year and difficult career decisions my coworker was working through. Hoping to shift the conversation to something more encouraging, I asked him if there was anything fun and not stressful going on in his life.
With a few nervous sentences that ran together, my coworker began sharing about something exciting that was happening for him. As he explained, he included a personal element of his life that gave background to the situation. His trust and vulnerability created an opportunity for me to be vulnerable with him in return. This simple conversation quickly became very meaningful as we found that we had something in common that was deeply important in both of our lives. It felt like magic the way we both immediately were excited to hear about each other’s similar experiences, struggles, and insights. I remember leaving my shift that day wearing a wide smile, incredulous with joy at the experience. I was shocked at the seemingly random connection and immensely grateful at the same time.
This experience wasn’t something that might traditionally be seen as life changing. But it was life changing for me – in that small, incremental way that some of the best moments in life are. The awe I felt carried me forward with courage, wonder, and the sense that I was a small, but valuable, piece in a magnificent web of relationships.
As I’ve thought back on this conversation, I’ve felt the desire to open myself up to more experiences that will invite awe and feelings of connectedness into my life. Our social networks are extremely important for well-being – supportive relationships make us significantly happier and healthier (Suttie, 2023) – and awe can be a way to nurture and appreciate good relationships. Moments of awe-inspiring connection are available to us all, but we sometimes need a nudge in the right direction to find them – myself included.
Awe together
I love music, and I especially love experiencing it live. There’s nothing like singing along to personally meaningful lyrics with a crowd of tightly packed people who all feel the same way you do. This experience is one that might be described as Collective Effervescence. Collective Effervescence is not only a great band name idea, but also an experience of chills, belonging, and transcendence in collective gatherings. The sensation of goosebumps is highly associated with awe, and these experiences often directly stem from social situations (Schurtz et al., 2012). This interpersonal awe can occur during seemingly rare gatherings, like a concert or large religious gathering, but also can occur in common events, such as witnessing the kindness of others or feeling a deep connection with someone close to you (Gabriel et al., 2020).
Awe and social connection are mutually beneficial. Gathering with others can encourage a sense of awe, and feeling awe encourages us to be kinder and more empathetic (Piff et al., 2015; Li et al., 2024). In ways that are personally valuable and match your lifestyle, find ways to gather, connect with others, and notice the awe you feel.
Life’s ends and beginnings
Birth and death are defining moments of humanity, evidenced by traditions and rituals in lieu of these events in cultures across the world. These transitional times in life can bring intense emotion and transformational experiences, including in the way that they tend to induce awe.
Participating in the birth of a child can be a powerful experience of awe (Dahan, 2023). If you’ve held a newborn infant and marveled at its tiny fingers or miraculous life, you might understand why. Children are also born with an innate sense of wonder. They ask incessant questions and find joy in the process of discovery. This childlike excitement with the world around them is something we as adults can learn from by interacting with the wonderful young humans around us.
As we grow older, there is also the opportunity to see an increase in awe. The stories and perspectives of elderly adults often highlight the mystery of life and reverence for it (Chinen, 1991). Spending time with older adults can give us insight into what is truly important and give us access to a sense of awe and wonder with the lives we are living.
Whether it is through spending time with older adults or young children in your family and community or remembering experiences with birth and death of those close to you, find ways to learn from those whose wisdom, new life, and perspective can strengthen your sense of awe.
Vulnerability & Self-Compassion
The conversation I described with my coworker filled me with awe largely because of the vulnerability present. But it is scary to be vulnerable! To share something that opens you up to the potential of being hurt by expressing mistakes, weaknesses, or intimate emotions. When I’m brave enough to be vulnerable with others, I often experience anxiety after opening myself up. I feel nervous about what they might think of me or embarrassed for sharing something too personal. When I experience the vulnerability of others, however, I feel appreciation for their amazing character and willingness to be open, along with a deepened sense of connection and care.
We tend to view the vulnerability of others more positively than we view our own vulnerability (Bruk et al., 2018). However, developing self-compassion can lessen this difference, meaning we can view our own vulnerability in a more positive light and be less afraid of opening up with others (Bruk et al., 2022). Self-compassion has so many other positive benefits, and MBS101 has an amazing course that can help you develop self-compassion: The Gift of Self-Compassion Course, or check out the Self-Compassion module.
Be Present
The poet Mary Oliver once wrote:
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
This simple formula is a great one to help us experience more awe. Attention is a window to awe, and as we are more aware of the present moment and the people we are with, we can feel this joyful emotion more often.
With Mary Oliver, I invite you next to share the astonishment you feel. Recognize the next time you find yourself feeling awe and voice your emotions to whoever is around you. You just might find that they are experiencing the same thing and strengthen your connection with each other. Feel free to share an experience of awe you’ve had in the comments below! Awe, (like food and others of the best parts of life) is simply spectacular when shared.
“Shared joy is double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”
References
Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 115(2), 192–205. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000120
Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2022). You and I Both: Self-Compassion Reduces Self–Other Differences in Evaluation of Showing Vulnerability. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 48(7), 1054-1067. https://doi.org/10.1177/01461672211031080
Chinen, A. B. (1991). The return of wonder in old age. Generations, 15(2), 45. https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&AuthType=ip&db=rlh&AN=9706122734&site=ehost-live&scope=site
Dahan, O. (2023). Birthing as an experience of awe: Birthing consciousness and its long-term positive effects. Journal of Theoretical and Philosophical Psychology, 43(1), 16-30. https://doi.org/10.1037/teo0000214
Gabriel, S., Naidu, E., Paravati, E., Morrison, C. D., & Gainey, K. (2020). Creating the sacred from the profane: Collective effervescence and everyday activities. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 15(1), 129-154. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1689412
Graziosi, M., & Yaden, D. (2021). Interpersonal awe: Exploring the social domain of awe elicitors. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(2), 263-271. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1689422
Li, Y., Mahir, D., & Stellar, J. E. (2024). Exploring the impact of awe on the multifaceted construct of empathy. Emotion, 24(4), 1016-1028. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0001325
Oliver, M. (2008). Red Bird: Poems. Beacon Press
Piff, P. K., Dietze, P., Feinberg, M., Stancato, D. M., & Keltner, D. (2015). Awe, the small self, and prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(6), 883-899. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000018
Schurtz, D., Blincoe, S., Smith, R., Powell, C., Combs, D., & Kim, S. (2012). Exploring the social aspects of goose bumps and their role in awe and envy. Motivation & Emotion, 36(2), 205-217. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-011-9243-8
Suttie, J. (2023, February). What the longest happiness study reveals about finding fulfillment. Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_the_longest_happiness_study_reveals_about_finding_fulfillment