By Augustine Larsen
“Being able to be your true self is one of the strongest components of good mental health.”
Women are two times as likely to be depressed as men—not the most light-hearted way to begin this, but it’s true! Researchers have spent a long time trying to figure out what leads to this gender difference in mental health. One particular theory devised by Dana Crowley Jack in 1991 describes a phenomenon somewhat unique to the social expectations placed on women. It’s called the Silencing the Self Theory. Basically, a big reason why women experience a higher prevalence of certain psychological disorders is systematic self-silencing in relationships.
Researchers Ashti Emran, Naved, Iqbal, and Imtiyaz Ahmad Dar (2020) presented four different ways women exhibit self-silencing:
Comparing themselves to others and outside sources
Sacrificing their own needs for their significant others’
Staying silent to keep the peace in a relationship
Feeling cognitive dissonance between what they really feel and what they’re presenting to the outside world.
When Emran et al. studied the prevalence of these four factors, they learned that comparison (listed above as Number 1) was the biggest indicator of depression rates in women. As a woman, I have definitely done all four of those self-silencing examples, I and have noticed a difference when I work on being more myself in my relationships, both romantic and other.
There are modules specific to the My Best Self 101 site that can help us combat self-silencing and allow us to be more present in our lives. Self-compassion, Engaged Living, and Supportive Relationships are three that come to mind.
First, self-compassion is the practice of giving yourself the love you need. When we compare ourselves to others or sacrifice our needs for others, we forget to value ourselves. Forgetting our own needs can actually render us more incapable of helping others. There’s an old saying floating around that says, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Comparison keeps us from seeing our positive qualities and doesn’t allow us to feel satisfied with who we are. Self-compassion gives us the space to recognize our short-comings while being grateful for what we have already accomplished or who we already are. Can you think of one area in your life where you’d benefit from some self-love?
Second, engaged living is living according to your values. When women (and others) stay silent to keep peace, they are avoiding speaking up about their opinions and values. This is not engaged living—far from it. Take some time this week to think about what your values are and how you can apply them better. With regard to the Silencing the Self Theory, making sure you’re living according to your values can help you avoid that nagging feeling (aka cognitive dissonance) that you’re not living the way you want to be living. It can also help you speak up in relationships when things don’t align with your belief system.
Finally, supportive relationships are extremely beneficial to our self-esteem, level of happiness, and feeling of belonging. If we can surround ourselves with people who treat us well, make us feel valued, and support our goals, we can substantially increase our ability to cope with the difficulties of life. If the people we surround ourselves with are particularly interested in our opinions, beliefs, and thoughts, it becomes easier not to silence yourself.. What kinds of relationships do you have that make you feel valued and important? Can you think of ways to improve or add to these relationships?
Women tend to have a higher rate of psychological disorders, it’s true. And while a lot of the factors contributing to that difference have to do with societal problems, there are many things we can be doing to combat those tendencies and live fully. When I take the time to be actively kind to myself, live according to my values, and nourish healthy relationships, my ability to experience joy and fulfillment increases drastically. I’ve found these three aspects of positive psychology to be extremely beneficial, but there are more resources that you may enjoy incorporating as well! Find more information about self-compassion, engaged living, supportive relationships, and more positive psychology tips on mybestself101.org.
“To shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are.”
REFERENCES
Jack, D. C. (1991). Silencing the self: Women and Oppression. Harvard University Press.
Emran, A., Iqbal, N., & Dar, I. A. (2020). ‘Silencing the self’ and women’s mental health problems: a narrative review. Asian Journal of Psychiatry, 53. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ajp.2020.102197