Having Tea With Anger
“Anger is about protecting something vulnerable inside or outside ourselves.”
Have you ever been so upset that your body feels like it’s on fire, your muscles tensed, ready to react? It was likely anger rising within the body. Anger, often seen as negative, is a universal human emotion. In their book, The Upside of Your Dark Side, Kashdan and Biswas-Diener (2014) emphasize anger as an “adaptive emotion,” which has evolved over time to effectively address threats and challenges.
Benefits of Anger
On a cognitive level, anger is hardwired into our biology as a problem-solving mechanism. Anger can aid in assessing and responding to threatening or challenging situations such as “injustices, personal violations, or external threats” (Kashdan & Biswas-Diener, 2014, p. 40). Anger serves a protective and motivational function pushing us to address problems and take on challenges. It’s a signal that something needs to change. As Martha Beck (2021) suggests, “anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.” Suppressing anger leads to inner conflict, but acknowledging and investigating the root causes can offer insight into your values, boundaries, and needs.
If you still aren’t convinced on why anger could be helpful this is a great video!
Below are several strategies that you can use to manage your anger more effectively. For additional information, check out this article.
Acknowledge and Identify Your Anger
Recognize the diverse ways anger can manifest, from physical sensations to emotional reactions. Name and acknowledge your anger without dismissing or suppressing it. Understanding how it affects you personally is the first step to managing it. As Lerner (2014) suggests, acknowledging and identifying one's anger is the first step toward understanding and managing it effectively.
Identify the Trigger and Its Cause
This step involves introspection and questioning to understand the root cause of your anger. Remember, your anger is usually trying to tell you something. Is there something that needs addressing or changing? Identifying the trigger of your anger can help you effectively address the underlying issues.
Assess Your Emotional State and Choose Your Response
Tavris (1989) writes that emotional regulation involves understanding and accepting your emotions while choosing how to express them appropriately. Start by evaluating your readiness to address the issue causing your anger. Create space to consider other perspectives, respond constructively, and integrate logic, compassion, and reasoning. Methods like stepping away or counting to ten are tools to manage intense anger and regain composure before addressing the issue.
Channel Anger into Positive Action
Accepting anger as a natural response can help channel anger constructively, allowing room for personal growth and empowerment. The key is not to avoid it but to manage it wisely, as anger can be a powerful tool when directed toward positive action.