The Shadow Self 

What Is the Shadow Self?   

If you asked someone to list negative emotions, behaviors, or qualities, they would likely respond quickly. Societies and cultures have long deemed certain emotions and behaviors as desirable or undesirable, positive or negative. Despite these labels, all human beings possess a mixture of both. We all make mistakes, fall short, get angry, feel anxious, and experience guilt when we don’t act in line with our values. Carl Jung, an analytical psychologist, coined the term “shadow self” to describe the undesirable aspects of human nature. He referred to the shadow self as “the thing a person has no wish to be” (Jung, 1966, p. 470). In other words, the shadow self is often seen as the “negative” or “dark side” of the human experience, consisting of emotions and qualities that are viewed as unpleasant, inferior, or even shameful (Samuels et al., 1986).   

Where Does the Shadow Self Come From?   

Jung believed that everything substantial has a shadow self, and it’s the shadow that makes us human (Samuels et al., 1986). Yet, because it is perceived as unpleasant, the shadow self is often hidden and rejected. By exploring the origins of these traits—whether through evolution or the environments in which we were raised—we can better understand how the shadow connects to our humanity (Academy of Ideas, 2015). Evolutionary drives and instincts, which helped us survive harsh environments, remain part of our biology today. Over time, humans have adapted to social norms, learning to suppress certain instincts to conform. Although these drives still exist, how and whether we express them has changed over time. Our early environments also play a role in shaping the shadow self. Many of us were conditioned by caregivers to suppress behaviors deemed undesirable. Perhaps we were told not to complain, to stop worrying, or that anger is bad. By understanding these origins, we can begin to recognize that our shadow self is an integral part of being human, one that can’t—and shouldn’t—be entirely repressed (Academy of Ideas, 2015).  

Why Can Suppressing Unpleasant or Unwanted Drives and Instincts Be Counterproductive?  

The emotions, thoughts, and negative qualities we resist or suppress don’t simply disappear. Instead, they often linger and can become more substantial and pervasive (Ruan et al., 2020). Research shows that habitually suppressing emotions not only affects how people feel about themselves and the world but also increases negative emotions rather than reducing them (English, 2009; Ruan et al., 2020). For example, one study found that parents who suppress their child’s negative emotions and try to emphasize positivity during childcare can actually disrupt the child’s well-being and damage the parent-child bond (Le & Impett, 2016). 

Assimilation and Acceptance Can Lead to Greater Health and Wholeness   

Kashdan and Biswas-Diener (2014) argue that many of the emotions we’ve labeled as unfavorable—our “dark side”—can be helpful when integrated in healthy ways. Carl Jung (1966) echoes this sentiment, noting, “Wholeness is not so much perfection as completeness. Assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak” (p. 452). The idea that these undesirable aspects of ourselves can actually enrich our lives and lead to wholeness may feel counterintuitive or even shocking. It’s no wonder we might react with skepticism—most of us have been taught to think differently about negative emotions!   

 Encountering the Shadow    

After hearing these ideas, you might imagine a version of yourself letting all of your “negative emotions” run wild and unchecked. However, both Jung (1966) and Kashdan and Biswas-Diener (2014) suggest that integrating and using our shadow self in healthy ways is much more constructive for our well-being. Allowing the shadow self to have a presence in our lives doesn’t turn us into the worst version of ourselves. In fact, recognizing that we all possess a shadow or dark side and approaching it with acceptance helps us avoid being overwhelmed by it (Neumann, 1990).  

Once we acknowledge and accept the reality of the shadow self, we can begin to work on responding in healthy ways when it surfaces. This requires a shift in how we think about and relate to the darker aspects of our nature. The goal isn’t perfection or the elimination of negativity but rather achieving wholeness. Wholeness includes both light and dark, and how we approach the shadow self can influence our perception of it (Academy of Ideas, 2015). When considering how to approach the shadow, evaluating how we perceive the concept of darkness might be helpful. 

When asked what feelings or words come to mind when they think of “darkness,” a group of graduate students gave varied responses. Some mentioned fear, loneliness, and terror, while others described it as peaceful, restful, and nurturing (Finn, 2014). In some cultures, darkness is deeply valued as a place of growth and wisdom (Plotkin, 2007; Tippett, 2022), representing the unexplored, unknown, and unseen territory within and around us (Finn, 2014). What if, instead of resisting the shadow self, we learned to befriend it, meeting it with softness, acceptance, and openness?             

 Befriending the Shadow    

To illustrate how we might go about befriending the shadow, we will use an example from the Buddha. While seeking enlightenment, the Buddha was repeatedly confronted by Mara, a Buddhist demon symbolizing unskillfulness, temptation, and distraction. Each time Mara appeared he tried tempting the Buddha with lust, greed, doubt, and fear. Mara failed every time but continued to make unexpected visits. Instead of resisting or demanding that Mara leave, the Buddha calmly acknowledged his presence by saying, “I see you, Mara.” Then, he invited Mara in, offering him a comfortable place to sit and a warm cup of tea. After a while, Mara would leave, and the Buddha remained calm and unaffected (Brach, 2012).    

Just as the Buddha invited Mara to tea, we too might benefit from gently acknowledging our shadow self—those feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, anger, or guilt—by metaphorically inviting them to tea. Like Mara, our shadow emotions may come and go, but by greeting them with softness and acceptance, we can allow them to exist without letting them overwhelm us (Brach, 2012). Jung reminds us that the shadow is the humanizing part of every individual: “The shadow is a living part of the personality and therefore wants to live with it in some form” (Jung, 1969, p. 44). Learning to approach the shadow with acceptance can help us integrate it into our whole and complete self.  

Below is a video of Tara Brach explaining how this might look when interacting with uncomfortable emotions.   

By befriending our shadow, having tea with Mara, and learning to embrace rather than resist darkness, we “[see] what is true, we hold what is seen with kindness” (Brach, 2012, p. 1).