By Benson Bunker
You guys, life is hard. It can be messy, difficult, and even tragic at times. I think we have all been in a situation where we make grand plans and have everything lined up perfectly and life decides to throw that plan on the ground and stomp on it a couple of times. We make bad choices, we don’t get the job we wanted, a loved one dies… the list could go on and on. Now, I’m not trying to put a damper on your day! Life is also amazing and beautiful, but I just hope we can all come together and openly acknowledge the struggles we all face in life.
A word that has been thrown around a lot recently is “resilience.” Resilience is an amazing thing! When we have high resilience we can push forward against great adversity without breaking. I am sure we all know of and look up to people that have shown this attribute. However, I think this is only one side of the amazing strength humans can have.
I would like to give you a challenge. Can you think of a word in the English language that describes a system that, when broken down, is able to rebuild itself even stronger than it was before? It’s okay, I’ll wait… If you came up with the word antifragile, then you either paid attention to the title or you have probably heard of a man named Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Dr. Taleb (who holds an MBA and a doctorate in Management Science) realized that we did not have a word that adequately described this characteristic, so he created one: antifragile. To fully understand what this means, it may be helpful to discuss two other words as well: fragile and resilient.
Picture a glass cup. Would you completely trust a 3-year-old child with that cup? Probably not. Why? Because it’s fragile! If the toddler dropped it (or threw it on the ground, as my nephew probably would do) it would shatter into pieces and glass would get everywhere. To prevent this from happening, we often give toddlers plastic sippy cups. If they tried to throw this on the ground, what would happen? Nothing really, right? It might bounce a couple of times, but the cup would remain intact without even a scratch. This is because plastic is a resilient material. It is made to withstand the pressures and forces of being thrown against the ground.
So if plastic is resilient, what’s an example of something antifragile? The first thing I think of is our very own bodies! They are amazing. Think about when you go to the gym and wake up the next morning feeling like you have been hit by a car. We know that this is because your muscles have been broken down by the work out the previous day, but when they repair themselves, they will be stronger and able to handle more than they were previously capable of handling. Another great example is your immune system. When a virus or bacteria enters your system, it can make you sick. However, when you get over the sickness, your immune system is better equipped to handle the same illness the next time you come in contact with it. I think it is quite appropriate that our physical bodies are an example of antifragility because I fully believe that the human spirit can be just as antifragile. When we develop antifragility, we are able to experience significant personal growth and become better equipped to handle life’s trials as a result of those struggles. Resilience means we’re able to withstand the hard times in life, but antifragility means we’re actually benefiting from them.
Antifragility essentially means: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
So how can we become antifragile? Here are some things that I have found to be helpful:
Mindfulness/Meditation
Mindfulness is a great way to connect with yourself. It provides a space to check in on yourself and see how things are going. It allows you to experience the thoughts and emotions you are having in the moment and do so without judgment or criticism. Mindfulness and meditation can help you become antifragile because this space lets you find true presence in the moment and help you acknowledge what you are needing and where you should go. Here is a website that I’ve found helpful; it has guided meditations by author and clinical psychologist Tara Brach.
Supportive Relationships
Supportive relationships are crucial for a fulfilling and happy life. I am sure we have all experienced the comfort and strength we can receive in a close relationship with a family member or friend. I would also posit that it is just as important to be that person for someone else. Having strong relationships with those around you helps you become antifragile because you have the support you need to bounce back from difficult times and go through tremendous personal growth. Below is the longest ongoing study ever done about what makes a happy and fulfilling life, and the greatest difference they have found in individuals’ lives is the quality of their relationships. Check it out!
Self-Compassion
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I first heard about self-compassion, I was a little skeptical. Don’t get me wrong, I totally believed we could be a little kinder to ourselves. However, it seemed a little “touchy feely.” I also felt like, if I wasn’t hard or critical of myself at times, how could I improve myself? If I use self-compassion, aren’t I just condoning my faults and weaknesses and not striving to become better?
Guys! If you thought these things like I did, an astounding amount of research says the exact opposite! Researchers have found that those who are self-compassionate toward themselves acknowledge their weaknesses but allow room for growth. Those who are overly critical of themselves become discouraged and do not progress as well as those with higher levels of self-compassion. I sincerely hope all of you reading this can be kind to yourselves and recognize that weakness and struggles are part of the human condition. Practicing self-compassion can help tremendously in your efforts to become more antifragile because you learn to forgive yourself for your flaws and mistakes and encourage yourself through the trying times. Check out our curated playlist on YouTube to learn more about self-compassion!
Meaning
Lastly, meaning is a crucial part of becoming antifragile. It is what allows us to find purpose and understanding when hard times hit and we feel knocked down in our lives. When I think of finding meaning, I think of Viktor Frankl. Dr. Frankl spent time as a prisoner in the concentration camps established by Nazi Germany. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, he discusses how those who were able to find meaning in their suffering through these terrible conditions did much better than those who could not. As German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche eloquently put it, “He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear with almost any ‘how.’”
This is by no means a comprehensive list. These are just some things I have found helpful in my attempts to develop antifragility and hope they can help you too. But I would love to hear from you! Feel free to comment below what you think helps us become antifragile people or what has personally helped you grow from your difficulties.