forgiveness

Forgive and Flourish: The Healing Power of Letting Go

Forgive and Flourish: The Healing Power of Letting Go

Hey there! We’ve all been hurt before, right?  Whether it’s a friend who let us down, a family member who said something hurtful, or even something we did that we just can’t seem to forgive ourselves for. Holding onto these feelings slowly begins to weigh us down, and before we realize it, we are being crushed. Unforgiveness, specifically holding onto negative emotions towards our transgressor, has been considered less important for overall positive mental health and well-being in recent years (Singh et al., 2023). Why is this the case? Have we as a society determined that forgiveness does not play a crucial role in our overall mental health and well-being? Or is it possible that we may not fully understand forgiveness and its healing power? According to the American Psychological Association (APA), forgiveness is “willfully putting aside feelings of resentment toward someone who has committed a wrong, been unfair or hurtful, or otherwise harmed you in some way” (American Psychological Association). The interesting key to this definition lies in the use of the word “willfully.” Forgiveness is not merely accepting what happened or not being angry, it is a conscious decision that we all must make to put aside our feelings and learn to let go. Saying “I forgive you” to someone is all well and good but does it truly provide the relief we need

The Power of Forgiveness

The Power of Forgiveness

Most people around the world are raised on the notion that they should always forgive others. However, what does this truly mean? As a child I felt like I generally understood the concept of forgiveness. I would “not hold grudges” or “stay upset for too long” when it seemed like someone upset me, but I feel like I never had a severe experience of when I felt like it was difficult to forgive someone who I felt really wronged me until a couple of years ago. This is when the principles of true forgiveness aided me to not only forgive another person but also helped me feel whole and more content with my state of life. According to the Greater Good Magazine, “forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness” (Greater Good Magazine). The interesting key to this definition is forgiving another person whether they deserve forgiveness.

How to Forgive Yourself and Others Through Self-Compassion

How to Forgive Yourself and Others Through Self-Compassion

Before I get into this, know there is a lot more where this story came from. I was with my entire family for winter break. After enjoying a wonderful Christmas day, I had the holiday bliss and warm-loving feeling ripped right out from under me a few days later. Here’s the gist: (1) my credit card information was stolen, (2) as I was talking to my bank on the phone to figure everything out the call dropped and I was locked out of my phone… turns out I was talking to hackers and not my actual bank, (3) my Apple ID was hacked, (4) my bank account was drained, (5) I was locked out of all my accounts and couldn’t change anything, and (5) I found out a week after all this terrible stuff that my car was broken into. Let’s just say it wasn’t a very happy New Year for me. After going through the cycle of shock, utter distress, mourning, anger, and hopelessness, I was left with the empty feeling of shame. Even though getting scammed was not inherently my fault, I felt so foolish. I should’ve known what was happening, I should’ve noticed the signs, etc. This rumination of not being able to forgive myself or the hackers who had done this to me was weighing on me heavily.  

Forgiveness—Because Holding a Grudge is a Terrible Workout

Forgiveness—Because Holding a Grudge is a Terrible Workout

Forgiveness is a decision that you make. Different circumstances require different methods for healing, reparations, and letting go. You can’t always speak for or understand someone else’s motives. You can’t always know if they feel sorry for what they did. One thing you can know though, is that forgiving allows for personal peace and happiness. Personal liberation is a feeling many strive for. Life gets busy very quickly with work, friends, and family, and people are an essential part of societal interactions. It’s my hope that you can consider relationships in your life that could be repaired or strengthened. Timing is different for everyone, but the power of forgiveness is yours to wield.

When Forgiveness is needed, Compassion is required

When Forgiveness is needed, Compassion is required

There is a strong relationship between forgiveness and compassion. We all have had experiences where we have felt hurt by the wrongdoings of others. How will we react? Will we try our best to just forget it? Will we suppress the feeling until “it goes away”? Will our pride get in the way of accepting that we need to forgive? These are just a few examples of what some of our thoughts might look like before beginning the process of forgiveness. It can be really hurtful and painful to feel that you have been wronged, but at the end of the day, it’s our choice to decide what we will do next. This is when compassion comes in.