My Best Self 101 Blog
Everyone feels like they are not enough at some point in their lives, and even shame has something to teach us—but we can move through our shame while maintaining our authenticity by being vulnerable with those people who have earned our confidence. If we were all a little more open about our weaknesses, they wouldn’t isolate us from others but rather help us feel more engaged and motivated to try again. Failure is human, but rising above failure is the essence of human flourishing.
Women are two times as likely to be depressed as men—not the most light-hearted way to begin this, but it’s true! Researchers have spent a long time trying to figure out what leads to this gender difference in mental health. One particular theory devised by Dana Crowley Jack in 1991 describes a phenomenon somewhat unique to the social expectations placed on women. It’s called the Silencing the Self Theory.
Self-love is characterized in much the same way as love for other people is. Learning to love myself has meant acknowledging that I am a unique human being with something positive to offer the world. I have flaws and acknowledge them, but I recognize that I am no more flawed than other people! When I make a mistake, I no longer relentlessly punish myself for it—even after those I’ve wronged have forgiven me. I appreciate the fact that I have the capability to see areas where I can improve, become better, and work toward growth! My mistakes are no longer indicative of inherent flaws that I will never shake off; they are indicative of the fact that I can grow.
In our journey as humans, fear is inevitable. We want to avoid our fears, sometimes at all costs, because what scares us makes us uncomfortable. We are often told advice, such as: “Avoid what makes you anxious”, or: “You don’t need to give attention to any emotion that makes you uncomfortable”. Instead of pushing against fear, what if we could reframe it in a more constructive way? What if we could lean into our fears and learn valuable lessons in the process?
Why can implementing regular exercise be so difficult? Because exercise is hard work. It can be inconvenient in our busy schedules and make us sore or uncomfortable. These are realities that stop us from following through with regular exercise. So, what can help us break these barriers? I found that working out with a partner adds an element of fun and enjoyment.
Our lives are the result of many small habits we perform day after day, some good and some bad. Most of our habits have become so ingrained in who we are, we don’t even think about them anymore. All throughout our day, our productivity, health, and happiness (or lack thereof) are largely due to our habits. For most of us, the good habits outnumber the bad, which helps us to lead productive, satisfying lives. But what if we’ve gotten in a funk or are feeling overwhelmed or just don’t feel as happy as we want to? What if we want to be someone different, but we just can’t figure out how to do it? Day after day, we set goals and find ourselves never achieving them; our old habits are stifling whom we know we have the potential to become.
There are days where I feel particularly down on myself. Overwhelmed and discouraged because things aren’t going right, my thoughts are swarming with things I didn’t do enough of, or things I didn’t do right and could’ve done better. In those moments, I’ve reflected back on my goal and tried to start listing three things that I like about myself. Every single time, I find that my mood drastically improves. Amidst everything I’m worried about, I find something in that situation that sheds a positive light on me and I generate the hope to power through.
I haven’t always been great at exercising. Don’t get me wrong—body shame issues, eating disorders, and an intense jealousy of others’ beauty drove me to try exercising for years. I just never was able to get consistent enough to reach my goals. Despite countless conversations with myself, I could ever seem to figure out why.
