Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning there is usually something hiding underneath it—something vulnerable like hurt or fear. Often, we go to anger because it feels better and more powerful. Yesterday I was driving down the road with no other cars in sight, and a rock hit my windshield and cracked it. Oh, come on! I was irritated, even when I couldn’t find a target for it. I hadn’t done anything wrong, and neither had anyone else. As I became curious and searched underneath the anger, I found that I had too many tasks on my list, and this was now one more: fear of how much this would cost in precious resources of time and money, and feeling loss that my pristine windshield was now cracked. When I attended to those softer emotions with compassion, the anger dissipated. Try looking at anger as a part of you separate from your true self that has needed to take on this job because it is trying to protect you. It is working so hard to keep you safe. It’s desperately trying to be your hero. Try talking to it from your highest self, without judgment, and getting to know it.
Building Connection in Relationships: How Small Things Can Make the Biggest Difference
If connection is so crucial, how do we cultivate connection with others to improve our relationships? First, the Gottmans (2022) explain that there is a common misconception about building connection. Many think that for connection to be meaningful or have a lasting impact, it must take hours of time. This is not the case. Dr. John and Julie Gottman (2022) argue that there are often many opportunities for meaningful connection on any given day; we just miss them.
When it comes to relationships, connection is vital, and the good news is that creating connection can be done through small and consistent acts of turning toward those you interact with. Small, seemingly simple interactions can make a big difference, have a lasting impact, and be meaningful.
Growing Gratitude with Gratitude P.I.E.
Gratitude has been widely studied in recent years. Higher gratitude is associated with higher self-esteem, optimism, and positive emotions (Unaneu, 2019). In addition, practicing gratitude can also lead to lasting positive physiological changes in the brain (Kini, 2016). Read more about the positive effects of gratitude in this module on the MyBestSelf101 website. If gratitude has such impactful implications to our health and happiness, it seems as though it would be wise to enjoy its effects more than just once a year on Thanksgiving - the way that we often enjoy pumpkin pie. We can enjoy the positive benefits of gratitude year round by experimenting with these three simple tactics to grow our thankfulness with a hypothetical slice of “gratitude P.I.E.” The acronym P.I.E. stands for Pause to appreciate your physical body, Internalize small victories, and Excitement for others. As you sit down to your Thanksgiving smorgasbord this year, remember that you can experience the sweet and life-changing effects of boosting your gratitude every day of the year by serving yourself a slice of your very own gratitude P.I.E.
Navigating Physical Injury for an Engaged Life
Dancing was my favorite social outlet and my go-to coping mechanism to combat stress or sadness; however, after my injury, I could not turn without my knee painfully giving out. I was devastated. To combat this life challenge, I decided to use the strategy of engaged living. Engaged living is the practice of identifying and living by personal values despite obstacles (Shearer & Warren, n.d). You may not be recovering from an injury like me; however, we all experience unexpected changes. When you experience obstacles or unplanned paths in your life, remember that you still have control to live by your values. The beauty of values is that they can apply to any situation. As you realign your actions to your values, satisfaction will follow. Engaged living is an effective strategy to cultivate happiness and overcome challenges.
Combatting Scrupulosity with Mindfulness Through ACT
Dealing with something mentally that you don’t understand or can’t identify can be extremely frustrating. It is common to have thoughts like, “why doesn’t anyone else seem to be struggling with this” or “I wish I knew how to help myself.” I experienced thoughts like these before I learned about scrupulosity. As I was working through my own experience with mild scrupulosity, I practiced multiple components of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which made my thoughts much more productive and manageable.
The Art of Perseverance: Overcoming Life's Challenges
At one point or another, we have probably all been told not to give up on something, whether it be a homework assignment, a challenging workout, or something as big as a career. We have also probably responded to such encouragement in different ways depending on the circumstance; perhaps one day, we are eager to push through a challenge, and another day, we might forgo a challenge in favor of comfort. However, when we abandon the easy route and do persevere through something that is hard for us, we feel rewarded at the end. Today, I want to explore perseverance and its rewards in more depth.
Cultivating Hope
Have you been in as what has seemed to be the darkest of nights, a night so dark that the sun never seems like it is going rise? Deep down, however, was there a part of you that knew the sun was going to rise and that the night would end? I am willing to bet that even in the darkest moments, there are parts of us that know the sun will shine again. I am also willing to bet that hope is what got you through those dark nights. If you are in your own dark night now, hold on. It is much easier said than done, but have hope. If you are wondering how to have hope, this post will describe ways to have hope.
Life is Better When You’re Laughing
The amazing thing about humor is that it can take many different forms. Humor can include laughing at a joke or smiling while reading an amusing story. Humor can have numerous benefits. These include an overall increase in happiness, forgiveness, belongingness, social connectivity, and higher life satisfaction (Satici, 2020). While the exact reason that humor has such a positive impact on people's lives is not proven, researchers have speculated on why humor is so efficient. Humor can have such an impact on our lives. Through my studies and my own personal experiences, I have seen how beneficial humor can be especially when coping with difficult circumstances. As people learn more about humor and the positive and negative effects it can have, I hope that others will be able to implement it into their own lives and see the positive effects for themselves.
Savoring Through Tragedy
Despite these obstacles preventing me from savoring, the most recent diagnosis of my brother’s cancer was a chilling dose of reality. No matter how much I was hurting, I knew I had to implement savoring in my life. I decided to start simply by utilizing a couple of different methods that I will list below. These methods were taken from ideas established by Sonja Lyubomirsky (2008) in her book “The How of Happiness: a new approach to getting the life you want”. Although the changes were not immediate, and I still have a long way to go, I quickly noticed that the time I savored with my brother became some of the best moments that we have had together in years. Savoring did not take away the pain, but it made it bearable. Better yet, it made my experiences joyful, despite the pain that I felt at the same time. Not only did I feel happier, but my relationship with my brother improved. I know that no matter what happens, I will always be able to look back on these moments with fondness, despite their bittersweet nature. I know that if savoring helped me find joy in this difficult period of my life, it can help you, too.
Forgiveness—Because Holding a Grudge is a Terrible Workout
Forgiveness is a decision that you make. Different circumstances require different methods for healing, reparations, and letting go. You can’t always speak for or understand someone else’s motives. You can’t always know if they feel sorry for what they did. One thing you can know though, is that forgiving allows for personal peace and happiness. Personal liberation is a feeling many strive for. Life gets busy very quickly with work, friends, and family, and people are an essential part of societal interactions. It’s my hope that you can consider relationships in your life that could be repaired or strengthened. Timing is different for everyone, but the power of forgiveness is yours to wield.