My Best Self 101 Blog
So, when you are struggling with feeling like you need to be perfect, think about why you are feeling that way. Is it for other people? Are you setting goals and trying to accomplish things so that you will gain the satisfaction of others? If you are, try setting different types of goals that focus on becoming better at something for yourself rather than for others.
Instead of measuring our success by the number of things we finish and the destinations we reach, why don’t we learn to enjoy the process and journey of becoming who we want to be as we move closer towards those life-long goals of discovering what matters most to us? This is what describes a values-driven life.
Most of us interact with our thoughts and feelings subconsciously. We are engaging with them in some way, but we aren’t actually paying attention to them. They seem to spring up suddenly and dictate how we act. An interesting idea in mindfulness is that there is merit to consciously engaging with our thoughts and feelings. We can look at them as options to engage with.
And that’s what meditation does for you. It trains your brain to observe without reacting until the puppy has calmed down, everything is processed and you can now act from your values instead of Kody running the show. Imagine what different choices you would make if you were less reactive. Personally, I would eat differently, have better relationships, and generally live from a place of greater ease, to name a few.
So the holidays this year are definitely...weird. Due to the circumstances with COVID, our Christmas traditions and family gatherings are being cancelled or altered in some way. For many people (me included), the holidays are a somewhat hectic but joyful time of year, and having COVID continue into December seems to be robbing this otherwise difficult year of its happiest time. Our past traditions are absent this year, leaving what feels like a void in our lives.
[The Stoics] observe that we all spend too much time trying to change things that we have no direct control over—the events they call "externals." For example, a worker angling for that next promotion spends all his time trying to look good in front of the boss (think of Dwight from The Office). The Stoics don't necessarily view the activities themselves as "wrong," per se. Still, they do see them as being misdirected and ultimately leading to emotional instability.
When I got home, I felt like a brand new person. My situation was the exact same—my homework did not magically do itself and my work was still stressful. However, I was changed. My whole perception of the world seemed to shift more positively, and I felt so much resolution that I could accomplish even the hardest of tasks before me. I attribute every ounce of this change in perception to taking a few moments to mindfully focus on gratitude.
Mindfulness is more than sitting in a dark room and breathing with your eyes closed. Mindfulness is the quality of our moment to moment awareness. Now, don’t get me wrong, this quality of awareness needs to be cultivated! It’s not going to just pop up willy nilly because you decided you wanted it to! It all starts with a few minutes of focused attention each day.
